EP104 Boundaries: Where The F*ck Do I Start?

If the subject of boundaries was easy, we’d all have them with ease. That’s rarely, if ever, the case. There’s nothing like the fertility journey to put a spotlight on exactly where our boundaries are porous, or downright lacking. Learn exactly what boundaries are and where to start with them. You’ve never needed them more!

Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey, just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile podcast, episode 104, Boundaries. Where the fuck do I start? Hey, loves, I am positively thrilled to be here with you this week as we begin a three part series on something that is of massive importance on this journey.

We often fail to appreciate the value of because the topic ain’t easy. Boundaries. Boundaries is a term that gets tossed around a lot, but the reality is very few of us are cognizant of truly what they are and how they might look in our lives. I don’t care how many self help books you’ve read or how fired up you get when you think of the topic.

Even if you think you are an OG when it comes to boundaries, every one of us can stand to up our game when it comes to them. Because in life, they’re constantly being tested. There may be even those of you with boundaries so porous that you’re listening and thinking, Boundaries? Huh? What the shit is she talking about?

Let’s start in a logical, linear, lawyerly fashion by defining what we’re talking about here. In the context of what we are discussing, boundaries, as I see them, are the rules we choose to live by. Particularly with reference to the way we interact with people. What are the personal rules that you choose to live by?

Boundaries are just a set of rules. See, easy peasy, light and breezy. Sometimes, when people hear the word boundaries, they immediately go into a panic, thinking of confrontation, heartache, tears, gnashing of teeth, pounding of chests, and loss of love. Can that should happen as a result of having boundaries?

Sure, but they are certainly not a requirement. All of those things can happen when you take a stand for anything. It’s part of being a mature adult. We often tell ourselves outlandish stories about having boundaries that are so laden with terrifying fiction that we talk ourselves out of having them entirely.

Then, wonder why we are miserable and exhausted in our lives. As lovably type A women, we tend to be, for better or worse, rule followers. That doesn’t mean we don’t have independent streaks a mile wide, or that we are sheep. Some are, but not my ladies. Just as a side note, my ladies are goats. Greatest of all time.

They are not sheep. All that I’m saying is that we simply love things happening in an orderly, predictable way. What’s funny to me is that, at least in my opinion and experience, while we like the idea of boundaries, we tend to be wonderfully shitty about our own, more often than not. That has to do with the overachiever in us desiring love and connection through pleasing or achieving.

But that’s an entirely different topic for discussion. Suffice it to say that there is an interesting irony in women like us when it comes to boundaries and the selective way in which we approach them in our lives. We don’t typically dream of trouncing someone else’s, but we let our personal boundaries go weak as shit.

Which brings me to an important distinction. Just because you might be able to enforce the rules and expectations you have for your interactions at work doesn’t mean you can skip this conversation in your personal life. Under the cloak of authority we have at work, everything is justifiable. But when it comes to us, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that that’s an entirely different calculus.

Can’t say I don’t know ladies. I know you, girl. I know you. I know you better than you think. And even though our circumstances may have been a little different, I know you because I fucking was you. Now, most of us, before we are consciously aware of our boundaries, simply have the ones that our parents or caregivers gave us as a default.

We rarely, if ever, question them, unless something pretty big collides with them. Then we become aware of their existence. Most of us move through our lives thinking, uh, that’s just how things are, or this is the right way to do things. Rather than ever stopping to consider what our boundaries currently are, And if they’re actually working for us.

A good barometer for if they are working in your life is how you feel about your life right now. Are you fucking elated? Or are you in a constant state of what the fuck? Emotions don’t lie, baby. Once you become aware and awake to your boundaries, you can finesse them. I see that finesse in two ways. An assessment of what your current boundaries are.

And second, What you desire them to be. The latter being the far more interesting inquiry. Most people waste a lot of time agonizing and beating themselves up over what their boundaries are or lack thereof to this point. This is no place for judgmental bullshit. That’s a lame move by your saboteurs to keep you stuck.

Just make the inquiry and be prepared to move the fuck on. The point in getting a sense of what your boundaries are is so that you can get some contrast to help you decide where they can use some leveling up. That’s all. It doesn’t mean you suck if you have had shitty boundaries to this point. Growth requires awareness.

When it comes to boundaries, you’re getting some today. When you are considering your boundaries, here are some things to think about in no particular order. Do people get to be inconsiderate of you? Do you find yourself doing all the work while other people just get to be hangers on in your life? If you remember being the kid that ended up doing all the work in a school group project and that shit persists, chances are you got some work to do when it comes to boundaries.

Are you the person everyone relies on? Do people in your life make the same stupid excuses for being late or not holding up their end of the bargain? Do you find yourself feeling Disappointed in the people around you. Do people praise you for being easygoing? That’s just code for the fact that you tolerate a lot, baby.

Do you show up like a man on this journey? Do you find yourself doing all the work and letting your partner slide, bitch, or complain? Chances are they don’t know what you want, and instead of asking for what you want, you are doing it for them. Just keeping it real, baby. Are you fucking frustrated because it seems like nobody is listening to you?

Do people get to waste your time with bullshit? Like a friend telling you the same fucking story over and over again, never listening to the advice you give? Do people owe you money or have debts that never get settled and you say, oh, it’s no big deal? Think about that one. And the granddaddy of them all, do you say yes to shit you hate just to be quote unquote nice?

In the next episode, we will talk more about setting new boundaries, regardless of whether or not you think you can get there at the moment. Because the fact of the matter is, you can get there if you’re willing to be the woman that does. Now, If you are getting anxious even talking about boundaries, here’s what you have to know.

Having boundaries doesn’t mean you are a rigid diva bitch. Not at all. That’s just a made up story you have been fed by people who have something to gain by having you comply with their boundaries. Mom, dad, family, government, you name it. When you comply with boundaries other people have set, of course they love it!

But you are a sentient, thinking, fucking human being, and your boundaries matter too. So wake up to the fact that you have a right to have your boundaries respected. But it starts with knowing what they are. Boundaries are about you setting everyone up for success with you. For that reason, I see boundaries as one of the most loving things we can put in place and one of the most awesome things we can do for our relationships.

It’s like you stepping into your life and saying, Fuck, I love this person so much and I value them enough to tell them what’s really up for me. Whether you realize it or not, my darlings, boundaries are a win win for everyone. So here’s an exercise to take what I’ve taught you here to the next level.

Assess the current state of your boundaries. One. Do you have them? A great way to tell is how you feel about your life right now. Shitty boundaries will manifest in many ways, including unsatisfying relationships, being late, putting yourself last, being exhausted, making excuses for other people, and feeling strangely out of control, even though for the most part, you have your shit together and are in control.

Kind of weird. But it’s very telling. Second, what’s currently getting in the way of you setting boundaries. Just be curious here. What stories do you tell yourself about having boundaries? What does it mean if you do third, if you love this podcast and the free content I provide every single week, one of the best ways to show your appreciation is to take a moment right now.

And I mean right now while you’re listening and give this podcast a five star review, not only does it make us smile, it helps other women find us. So take five seconds and do it now. Love. The subject of boundaries isn’t an easy one. We hold on to a lot of bullshit when it comes to giving ourselves and the people around us rules to live by.

Never do we need them more than when we are on the journey to creating the family of our dreams. Boundaries create gorgeous space in our lives. space that you want to make for your baby. And we know that babies, despite their diminutive size needs space in our lives. Poor boundaries can definitely create blocks between you and your baby.

Don’t let that be true in your life. My fearlessly fertile method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases mind and body so you don’t have to look back on this challenge in your life with regret. I work with women who are committed to success.

To apply for your interview for this program, go to my website www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodologies help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Just this week, two more of my ladies have announced their pregnancies. These are natural pregnancies after IVF didn’t work.

It’s crazy. My ladies are on fire. My ladies keep having babies and I love it. So their results speak for themselves. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, woman, you’ve got a gaping hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success. Do this for you. Do it for your family.

Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.