EP116 Fertility Journey Genius: Ask For Help!

As lovably type A, high achieving women, one of the hardest things in the world for us to do is ask for help. Learn why the stubborn “I can do it myself,” workhorse mentality that makes you uber awesome on the job, can actually create super sneaky BLOCKS between you and your baby.

Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey, just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 116. Women who succeed, ask for help. Ladies, ladies, ladies, woo, it is so good to be with you. This week, I want to take on a topic that is super fucking important. The wisdom of asking for help.

I don’t know where the stigma associated with asking for help on this journey came from, but it’s boring as fuck. And if you let it run the show on your journey, sister, it can cost you your ultimate success. I’m being straight up with you as a person who is in recovery when it comes to asking for help, because, ooh, I hated that shit.

I hated the idea of asking for help. And because I know what it almost cost me, I refuse to beat around the bush. There is a bizarre folklore floating around out there that if you ask for help, you’re weak. I see this a lot when it comes to the subject of mindset. We see it all over our lives, but man, when it comes to mindset for some reason we resist it.

We have this weird bravado that keeps us from admitting that we’re stuck. hitting our upper limit as the amazing Gay Hendricks would put it from his incredible work, The Big Leap. And we just figure that one day we might get lucky and somehow catch a break. All the while not seeing that what we think and believe is the quote unquote lucky break we’re looking for.

My darling woman, if you are someone who struggles to ask for help on this journey, there’s a critical question you’ve got to ask. How’s that working out for you? How is your refusal, reluctance, or reticence to ask for help working out for you? I’m not posing this question to be snide. This is a legit inquiry to bring awareness to To your current situation is not asking for the help you desire in whatever form you desire it, getting you the result you say you want.

I remember saying to myself, I know there’s a better way to do this journey. I don’t want to live in a constant state of terror over whether my dream of being a mom could ever come true. I’m sick of comparing myself to every pregnant woman I see and I’m tired of running around with a lump in my throat feeling like I could cry at any moment.

Now, the craziest shit ever is I would say all of those things and leave it at that. I worried that if I asked for help, I was somehow letting myself down or that I was somehow weak. And man, did I hate weakness. Like as an alpha female, I do my shit. People can count on me. I’m the person everyone comes to for strength and certainty and consistency.

The idea of appearing weak was just completely unfathomable to me. I could not wrap my head around it, but it seems so crazy to me. Now, when I think about that, I have compassion for that part of me. And the women all over the world who labor under that same faulty thought process, because as my UK ladies would say, It’s complete bollocks.

It’s bollocks. Asking for help is not weakness. And it doesn’t mean that there’s going to be the sudden unraveling of your psyche and your whole life is going to go to shit because you asked for help. It’s quite the opposite. Maybe for you, the way you shy away from asking for help is you will only ask for just a teeny tiny amount of help.

You won’t ask for only so much help. You will allow yourself to have a little. Then you tell yourself that if you have a little more, that somehow you’re not making good on the help you got. Do you follow me here? It’s like you’ll only allow yourself to have a taste. Just a teeny tiny taste. But not all the help you desire.

It’s like you will allow a little help to come through, then cut it off, beating yourself up for desiring more. This leads to the sad syndrome of taking one step forward, then two steps back. It’s just another form of self sabotage. Think about it. We do that with our diet. We do that with treatments. We do that with mindset.

We do that with all kinds of crazy shit. It’s like, Oh, we can only have so much. And if you have more than you’re a greedy bitch, which is again, another ploy that your saboteurs use to keep you small and secure their profession and keep you stuck. I see women do this with mindset just when they start to get the hang of things and they start feeling great.

Some will let off the gas, then find themselves spinning again. When if they had just kept it up and kept up the accountability, they would finally turn the corner toward lasting change. If they had just kept the good pressure on, they could have made it over the hump into the fucking promised land. Eek!

Ladies! When you ask for help, you’ve got to keep the momentum going. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do this to yourself. Whether it’s mindset, diet, or your treatments, or whatever. You, you, ask for the whole fucking enchilada. Ask for the whole banana. Ask for all that you desire when it comes to help. In the years of coaching women to success on this journey, as an observer, I’ve also seen some women who have a story that they can only ask for help when shit is tragic.

That shit breaks my heart. I know we all have pivotal moments when we finally pull our head out of our ass. But there are some women who know shit is bad, but only allow themselves to get help when they are fucking eviscerated. I remember having an interview with a woman who said she wouldn’t make the investment until she was more desperate.

What the fucking fuck? Are you kidding me? Think about that kind of story. Do you have a running in your head when you starve yourself to the point of desperation in order to get help? I’m not sharing that to shame her. But to enlighten you, I would argue that if you allow yourself to consciously get to the point of desperation, you’ve already lost.

Think about the shitshow you create in your life when you are desperate. Does that even like, does that even sound like the kind of thing that would attract this beautiful baby that you want so much in your life? Desperation is ridiculous, and desperation is not a state that anyone brings any goodness into their lives.

And if you have any doubt about that, go back to episode 37, the episode I did on the difference between determination and desperation. It’s one thing to be determined, but it’s another thing to be desperate, and the latter is not you and your power. Love, there’s also the nonsense we create in our lives when we don’t ask for help from the people we call our partner, friends, and family.

We build up all of these insane stories about what it means to show these people, the people closest to us, That we are fucking human. Check yourself for tics when it comes to this shit, right? They are literally sucking you dry. These stories are like tics. There is a chance that you are denying perfectly loving people from giving you what you desire because of your bollocks stories.

On the flip side, indeed, we may find that these people around us are not best equipped to help us on this journey. But you have to ask, if that’s the case, do they therefore deserve to be on your bump squad? Go back and read that chapter in my book, Am I the Reason I’m Not Getting Pregnant? The Fearlessly Fertile Method for Clearing the Blocks Between You and Your Baby.

And if you suspect that you have people on your bump squad that don’t deserve to be there, do your homework, do the exercises. Come on. And look, if you made some less than awesome choices about people on your Bump Squad, that’s totally fine. Bless, you know, bless them. Forgive yourself. That’s totally fine.

That’s why you bring yours truly into the mix, right? Here’s one final point that I want to make when it comes to asking for help. We are almost halfway through the year. Love, are you where you want to be on this journey? Ask yourself, honestly, from a place of love, not criticism. Ask yourself, have you kept up with the promises you made to yourself at the beginning of the year?

You’ve had almost six months to try this mindset shit. DIY. Or maybe you’ve fallen off your practice. What needs to happen to get back on track? You have got to keep the positive pressure on. Positive pressure is what propels us forward. Having a baby isn’t just some side hustle for you. It’s a fucking calling.

When shit really matters, you’ve got to be woman enough to ask for help. Think about it. Elon didn’t do Tesla, the Boring Company, or SpaceX alone. He brought on the best in the world to be on his squad so he could bring his vision to fruition. He had a vision. He didn’t 100 percent know how the fuck he was going to get there, but he brought on experts to help him.

Visionaries need help to make what they know in their hearts manifest in the material world. This isn’t hocus pocus, it’s logical and linear. It’s a fact. So here’s an exercise to take this conversation that we’re having, this rant, So, uh, the to the next level. Be a genius. Ask for help. Step one. Where do you know in your soul that you are holding back when it comes to asking for help?

Be honest. Be clear. Identify where you know if you are being fucking honest, you are refusing to ask for help. Is it with your mindset? Is it with treatment? Is it with shit that’s going on with your partner if you happen to be partnered? Is it with the crazy shit that’s going on with your friends and family?

Where are you holding back when it comes to asking for help? Step two, sit with why, why the shit are you refusing to ask for help? Pride, jealousy, fear, shame. Let me say those again, pride, jealousy, fear, shame, or some nasty cocktail of all four. Think about those emotions. Think about those states of mind.

Do any of those sound like they will bring your baby here? Do any of those sound like they are conducive to calling in a miracle? If you are smart. Your answer is no. If you are even smarter, you’re going to make a decision today that you were going to ask for help where you know you need it. Chances are if you are anything like I was knee deep on my journey, I knew I desperately needed help.

The tools that made me an assassin in the courtroom were actually keeping me stuck on this journey. It’s insane that we think that what’s, what drives our ambition in the work world is necessarily going to give us the peace and confidence we desire on this journey. Sometimes that shit doesn’t translate, sister.

Chances are, those strengths may actually be your weaknesses when trying to get and stay pregnant. Achieving professional success is one set of muscles. Success on this journey is another. And go back, go back and listen to all of the interviews that I’ve done with my ladies. They all touch on this in one way or another in their story.

This is why lovably type A, high achieving women who are used to slaying it in every other aspect of their lives create a unique hell for themselves on this journey. I’m speaking. From experience, both as someone who lived this and as someone who coaches women all over the world to their own success.

Living this journey, relying solely on my masculine energy, my lack in scarcity, my fear, my jealousy, my self pity, and my shame. Only created. More distance between my boy and I. It’s when I woke up and saw the matrix I had created for myself that everything turned around. A critical aspect of that was asking for help.

I couldn’t see what I couldn’t see. I could not fix my situation from the mindset that created the fucking mess that was in my life. Are you getting what I’m saying? The subconscious mind is insidious. I told myself, I can figure this out. I’m smart. I’m educated. I’ve read a bunch of books. Then I went back to sleep and woke up to the same old results, feeling like an idiot, because I allowed myself to be lulled back to the sheephood that my fear had created in my life.

When you ask for help, you interrupt the pattern and break the cycle. You give yourself a fucking chance to create new results. DIY is a lie. Nine times out of 10, it ends up costing you way more to dick around. And at the heart of this is a dream killer of dream killers. The big, fat, hairy, gross lie of lack and scarcity.

Get right with the truth and ask for help. Gus, God Universe source, is putting people right under your cute little nose that can help you get where you want to go on this journey. Be the genius who seizes the opportunity and ask for help. Step three. If you love this podcast and the free, high quality, fucking kick ass content my team and I bring you every week, Take a moment right now to give us a five star review.

Not only does it show your appreciation, it helps other women find this critical work. Love. Here’s what you gotta know. Asking for help isn’t weak. It shows love and commitment for your mission. One of my favorite mentors always says, Find someone who has created the results you desire and has proven, by results, that they know how to teach others to do the same and do exactly what they tell you to do.

Pretty wise words. It all starts with making the decision to live your journey fearlessly. My Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases, mind and body. I work with women who are committed to success. To apply for your interview for this program, go to my website www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodology has helped women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves. Every woman you’ve heard since the inception of this podcast had the guts to ask for help. She loved her vision for motherhood more than her fear and excuses.

That’s right. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, you’ve got a gaping hole in your strategy. Love. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review.

Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.