EP140 Smart Mama Move: STOP Being So F-ing “Nice”

This post was authored by Rosanne on Rosanne Austin.

Is your desire to be “nice” blocking your baby? When we get stuck in a pattern of over-giving, silencing our truth, and people-pleasing we deplete the very life force we need to call in our babies. Time to dismantle “nice,” and replace it with something way smarter. It’s time to make Mama the #1 priority.

The post EP140 Smart Mama Move: STOP Being So F-ing “Nice” appeared first on Rosanne Austin.

Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43. Despite years of fertility treatment failure, I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine, badassery, and loads of hell Yes.

For your fertility journey. It’s time to get fearless, baby fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 140. Smart mama move. Stop being so effing nice! Lovely lady having a baby! Woman, I am so honored to be with you this week. We are going to be kicking up some dirt in this episode as I am going to invite you to stop being so fucking nice.

I’m serious. I know I’m probably going to get some shit for this one, but by now you got to know I’ve got zero fucks to give about that because the only people that actually worry about being quote unquote nice are those too busy worrying about what other people think and not enough time focusing on what’s going to make them successful on this journey.

Now, that’s not just the former take no ship prosecutor coming out of me. The more dominant influence you are hearing right now is the voice of a woman who endured years of treatment, being told I needed donor eggs at 37, had a miscarriage with the last embryos I had, on the last IVF transfer I had, and later went on to beat the odds naturally at 43 and a half.

It’s the voice of a woman who was in the trenches, gave statistics and the quote unquote experts the finger, and learned to use her mind to her advantage, and now teaches women all over the world to do the same, and they are incredibly fucking successful. Not sure about that? Just go over to my Instagram page, baby, and click on the highlight reels in my profile.

We ran out of room in one, so we have two now devoted to my ladies and their babies. So this is journey tested insider information from a woman who knows what the fuck she’s talking about. Okay, so let’s dig in here. When I say, quote unquote, nice, I mean the pliable, overly sweet, do shit because you think you have to can’t risk upsetting people scared to make waves easily guilty and resentful rule follower that you’ve got running around inside of you.

Sure, she might only have a part time gig with you, but her impact has had such a ripple effect That she may as well be CEO. Been there, done that. The craziest thing is that I don’t care how much of a savage, make it happen bitch you are at work. There is a little girl inside of you that wants to be loved and very often is operating under the misguided notion that she has to please or appease in order to get that.

It’s the disease of appeasement. It’s the disease of pleasing. It’s an idea that harkens back to our childhood. Look, by the time we are eight, most of our basic ideas about the world are formed, primarily when it comes to the concept of survival. If mom or dad was pissed at us as little kids, we get worried that we won’t be loved anymore.

And if mom and dad’s love goes away, who’s going to take care of us? It’s our lizard brain triggering fears about survival and abandonment. It is the most basic of instincts that we rarely, if ever, go back and retool as adults. As adults, we take care of ourselves, or at least most of us do, but the residue from our childhood still lingers.

If you learned you had to be nice, to be loved, admired, and cared for, chances are you’re still doing it today. No shade on mom or dad. That’s not the point. The point is to understand some of the mechanisms that drive us to do shit that as adults simply no longer serve us and may never have when we consider them from a higher level of awareness.

Let’s ask a much needed question right now, okay? This is super important. And it’s actually a real opportunity for you to have a breakthrough and turning point. The question is this. Who the fuck decided that running yourself ragged or pleasing was quote unquote nice? That’s some damned manipulative, likely misogynistic bullshit right there.

The only reason why people think that shit is quote unquote nice is because it benefits them in some way. Or it aligns with their own limited thinking about what it is to be nice. It’s all a matter of perspective. To deny that shit is self serving. Now, that does not mean that the benefit the person receives is a bad thing.

Getting a nice gift from a friend is nice and generous. But when you manipulate it out of them, or they give it out of obligation, it’s no better than getting a lump of coal. You want your doing and giving energy to be clean, obligation, manipulation, pity, and other low vibe giving or doing is no better than dumping hot garbage on someone’s lawn.

But what’s really crazy is that we are taught that if we’re not nice, we’re being fucking selfish, right? Like, how often have you gotten that message? I mean, we get that message all the time, probably multiple times a day since we were a child in various. Insidious and sneaky ways. So we grow up with this idea that if we aren’t nice, we must be selfish.

It’s like there’s only that binary choice. And it’s kind of funny because I came across this a couple weekends ago when I was doing some light reading of Ayn Rand’s Virtue of selfishness, and she speaks to this directly, and I’ll share a little bit of what I read to you because I think it’s quite apropos.

She says, In popular usage, the word selfishness is a synonym of evil. The image it conjures Is that of a murderous brute who tramples over piles of corpses to achieve his own ends, who cares for no living being and pursues nothing but the gratification of the mindless whims of any immediate moment. Yet, the exact meaning and dictionary definition of the word selfishness is concern with one’s own interests.

This concept does not include a moral evaluation. It does not tell us whether concern with one’s own interests is good or evil, nor does it tell us what constitutes man’s actual interests. It is the task of ethics to answer such questions. The ethics of altruism has created the image of the brute as its answer in order to make men accept two inhuman tenets.

A, that any concern with one’s own interests is evil, regardless of what those interests might be, and B, that the brute’s activities are, in fact, to one’s own interests, which altruism enjoins man to renounce for the sake of his neighbors. So I know this is, you’re like, what, can you read that a couple more times, Roseanne?

But, but here’s the thing. I mean, she sums it up in a couple more sentences down in The Virtue of Selfishness, where she discusses how altruism declares that any action taken for the benefit of others is good and any action taken for one’s own benefit is evil. That’s the thought process behind altruism.

Thus the beneficiary of an action is the only criterion of moral value. And so long as the beneficiary is anyone other than oneself, anything goes, which is insane. I mean, I think Ayn is, is talking about something that is really, frankly, something that we need to get back to talking about because we get lost in this idea that if we aren’t doing for other people that we’re selfish when Everyone is here on earth with a purpose, and our pursuit of that purpose is not a bad thing, nor does our focus, sometimes singular focus on that thing, make us selfish or bad.

It just means that we’re committed to doing everything that we need to do to be successful. And frankly, that is in everyone’s interest. So whether you’re a fan of Ayn Rand’s or not, I think that this idea still applies. We have to get out of the trap and seduction that if we are not nice, then we are selfish, we are unworthy, we are not a good human being.

Because when we live this journey, we’ve probably never had to have more focus on ourselves, our health, our mental health, our bodies, our relationships than ever before. So the smart mama move is to stop being so fucking nice. And ultimately what I’m talking about there is you’re nice to everyone else except for yourself.

And deep down, I have a feeling that you know that’s true. Now, if you want to know some telltale signs that you might be caught in the too nice trap, here are some scenarios to consider. Are you taking on extra shit at work because your colleagues are lazy as fuck? Do you go to family gatherings you can’t stand?

Does your partner get away with shit that grates on your nerves and makes you want to go straight cuckoo for cocoa puffs on them, not really but kinda? Are you grossed out by your own over giving? Has it been a hundred years since you’ve done something for yourself without guilt? Do you see yourself repeating the same self defeating patterns?

Do you look around your life and think, What the fucking fuck is going on around here? Do you secretly fantasize about having a studio apartment in Paris where no one knows your ass, and more importantly, no one knows where to find you? Yeah, that one is super specific, so you know it’s crossed my mind a time or two.

Mama, it’s time to dump the pretense. Quit compromising on shit that makes you feel fucking gross. You know what? And here’s another thing. I know we’re talking primarily about being nice, but sometimes we think we have to compromise. You know, because that’s what the nice thing is to do. That if we compromise, we’re nice.

But the truth is, the primary reason why we compromise is out of fear. We’re afraid. We’re afraid we’re going to lose love. People won’t like us. It goes back to the same old shit about being nice. And I want to share a quote from my beloved Vernon Howard, which I just love his work. And he says something rather interesting about compromise.

He says, quote, Compromise is a subtle thief of inner abundance. Hmm, just think about that. Think about that. Next time you compromise, I bet if you look close, you’re doing it out of fear, and there’s also some lack and scarcity. Think about that, mama. It’s also super important to be looking at your motives.

Why the fuck do you do what you do? And, you know when you’re making excuses for your own shitty over giving to nice behavior and la la la la la. It stinks to high heaven, and you know it. Ending your addiction to nice is all about putting your journey to motherhood in the proper context. This shit isn’t selfish.

It ain’t selfish. You have a big call on your life, and it’s time that you made you, your mental health, your physical health, and your overall joy quotient, the fucking priority. It’s not selfish. It’s strategic. Who says you can’t do that? You have the right to live the way you want to live. Remember, the ugly truth about people who shame you for that is they’re just mad because they no longer get to ride on your gravy train.

Well intentioned or not, that shit is true. You have the right to do things on your terms and do what is necessary for you to be successful. Making yourself the priority is critical and it’s never been more important. You are the vessel, you are the carrier, you are the visionary for your family. Smart mamas don’t do Quote unquote nice.

They do energetically clean giving, doing, being, and having. Join them. So here’s an exercise to take what I’ve shared with you here to the next level. Fuck nice, focus on successful. Step one. Take an inventory right now of your life and how you live it. Be honest. Where do you fall in the rankings for priority?

Are you somewhere in the middle or dead last? I’m serious, dig, really dig with this one. And if you’re smart, you will do this with a raw as fuck lens. Don’t pretty pink princess your way through this. Make no excuses for anyone in your life, much less yourself for how things really are. Are you your number one priority?

If you’re struggling with this first step in the exercise, you’ve got to know that Houston, we have a problem. You’ve got to get your ass into my program. Remember what I said earlier, making yourself the priority isn’t fucking selfish, it’s strategic. It’s a lifelong strategy of recognizing that if you don’t take care of you, you will have nothing to give, particularly at the level you want to give it.

I’m speaking directly to you, all of my lovably type a, control freaky, professional, overachieving, successful as fuck mamas. That’s you. You won’t fool anyone. Your partner will see it. Your kids will see it even worse. You could block love from your partner and block your baby’s arrival. If you don’t get a handle on this, where are you on the list of priorities?

Mama step to decide that you will focus on one. Area this week where you know, you must make yourself the priority look if you are anything like I was on this journey There will be more than one place but Rome wasn’t built in a day mama Once you’ve picked the area where you will make yourself the priority name five actions You will take in furtherance of that adjustment to your priorities remember people love to talk a whole lot of shit about a whole lot of stuff, but they very rarely Take the action that’s needed.

Don’t let that be you. Make a fucking decision and take some fucking action. And step three, text the link to this podcast episode to someone you think could benefit from it. Screenshot the episode, put it in your Facebook or Insta story tagging me. Share the shit out of this. You know some people you know probably need a little bit of tough love.

Really loving, tough love. And while you’re at it, take a moment to give us a five star review. It will make you feel so good to show your gratitude for this free content. My team and I serve you with every week. You know, you are long overdue for making yourself the priority. I bet you have a thousand and one excuses for not doing it.

The problem is that shit will catch up with you. It always does. If you aren’t getting the results you want on this journey, it’s time to take a look at your mind. Remember, thoughts, beliefs, actions, results. You can’t expect a positive result with negative input. It’s a fact. Think about where you could be 12 months from now if you got out of the trap of limiting beliefs and negativity that’s keeping you small and stuck on this journey.

What could be different if your mind and body were working together, mama? What you do now could lead to your due date. Time to call your pink and blue haired fertility fairy godmother into the picture. My Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases, mind, and body.

So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret. I work with women who are committed to success. To apply for your interview for this program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodology is help women around the world make their mom dreams come true.

Their results speak for themselves. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, baby girl, you’ve got a gaping in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success till next time. Change your mindset. Change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast?

Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying, Hell Yes!

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.