EP188 Perseverance = Pregnancy: Claire’s 7 Year Journey To Her Baby

This post was authored by Rosanne on Rosanne Austin.

Many claim they will do “whatever it takes,” to call in their baby—but lack the tenacity and focus to go the distance. Want to know what “whatever it takes,” really looks like? Meet my beloved Claire. Nothing she was doing was working—IVF, Chinese medicine, supplements, and multiple clinics. Her relationship was taking a beating. Then […]

The post EP188 Perseverance = Pregnancy: Claire’s 7 Year Journey To Her Baby appeared first on Rosanne Austin.

Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43. Despite years of fertility treatment failure, I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell Yes.

For your fertility journey. It’s time to get fearless, baby fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 188. Perseverance. Equals Pregnancy, Claire’s Story. Hey loves, I am, as usual, just frickin delighted to be here with you this week as I bring yet another amazing story of triumph for one of my kind, generous, big hearted, miracle mamas!

And I want to start by, I don’t know, going on a little bit of a rant. And, and it’s a loving rant. Why? Because I want you to be fucking successful. And there’s something that you need to know. When it comes to this journey, there are winners and there are losers. Now, I know that that’s gonna trigger some motherfuckers out there, and you know what?

That’s okay. That’s okay, because you know what? I love you enough to give it to you straight, because as I said a few moments ago, I want you to be successful. There is nothing more glorious than being able to hear someone call you mom. That’s why you’re going through everything that you have gone through up to this point when you’re listening to this particular recording.

episode. You want to be a mom. There is a desire in your heart to be a mom. You have heard me say it a thousand times before. If that desire is there, it is there because it was meant for you. But here is the real deal. Nobody can do it for you. And you have to decide that this desire. is more important to you than clinging to your fear, worries about other people’s judgments, concerns about, you know, whatever bullshit may be holding you back.

And Any commitment that you have to your excuses, okay? You have to want this so bad that you are willing to leave it all on the dance floor, leave it all on the table, whatever metaphor you want to use. Because that is what it takes. If you haven’t figured it out up to this point, every single woman that you have heard on this podcast, Had to push past her fear.

She had to learn to think differently, be different, and put herself in a position to receive. Because it’s one thing to pray for something, it’s one thing to wish for something, it’s one thing to demand something. But if you are not ready to receive it, you are subconsciously blocking it, you will fuck yourself over on this journey.

The only real losers on this journey are the people that succumb to their fears, succumb to their excuses, and just fucking give up. And the craziest thing ever is no matter what they say, they know they gave up. Don’t be that bitch, because you’ll live the rest of your life with regret and bitterness.

And they, that just Wow, and that just ain’t no way to live. The creator did not put you here to live a mediocre life. You got to persevere. And Claire’s story is all about perseverance. It’s all about being a woman who is absolutely not leaving without her baby. She, her commitment to figuring this out Is just unbelievable.

Now we all make choices on this journey that, you know, others might not, you know, or maybe our route is going to be a little different than everyone else’s because this is such a personal journey. The unifying factor here, whether people are trying naturally, whether people are doing IVF, whether people are using donor eggs, donor sperm, donor embryos, whatever beautiful way that you feel called on your heart to have your baby.

The bottom line with all of this is you have got to stick to your vision. Now, there’s going to be twists and turns, winding roads, punches in the face, the floor or rug being, you know, ripped out from underneath you, but you have to be the one motherfucker in the room that knows where she’s headed, and Claire is an example of that.

As Claire shares her story, she’s going to take us through deciding she wanted to have a baby, All the things that she went through, and, and the moments where mindset really paid off. Because, in the end, Claire not only did this on her terms, She was able to do her journey her way, okay, because you get to have it all.

You get to have love, you get to have an amazing career, you get to have your baby, you get to have wealth, you get to have the life that you truly desire. So I hope with this rant, coupled with Claire’s amazing story of perseverance and keeping her eye on the prize. Continuing to say yes in a world of no’s, I hope all of this is going to get you fired up, even more committed to what you desire than ever before.

And look, I’m going to be straight with you. If you want to learn what I taught Claire, the time is now. By the time this episode comes out, You’ve got 90 days left in 2022. You have a decision to make. Are you going to start putting the pieces in place to make 2023 your year? Or are you going to keep doing the same old shit and getting the same old result because we have programs in place right now, whether it’s going to be my fearlessly for all 90.

Or my fearlessly fertile eight week program that you can start working now to make 2023 your year. And I’m super fucking excited about fearlessly fertile 90. I mean, this is going to be amazing. It mirrors my own journey because yeah, I want incredible success for all of you. So get your butt applied. And get yourself lined up for an interview because we have so much amazing shit to teach you we want to set you up right so go as right now even before you listen to this episode if you feel so called if you’ve been sitting on the fence and it’s time for you to take action www.FromMaybeToBaby.com apply for an interview there my team and I will decide. What programs might work for you, but get something in place. It’s the best goddamn Christmas gift, birthday gift, Hanukkah, whatever, Kwanzaa, whatever you celebrate, it’s the best damn gift you can give to yourself. And Claire is living proof.

So here’s my conversation with the amazing. So why don’t you start off by sharing a little bit about how you found yourself on this journey, woman? So, right, we were at We’re currently about what, seven, seven years in, seven and a half years in. So, uh, yeah, I’m a hardcore, I’ve come to the conclusion. I know you, you got mad respect to you, woman.

So I met my husband, Ian, when I was mid thirties. We didn’t get married until we were 37 and everything should have been, kind of should have been brilliant, except that I moved in with him and then took a really, took a dislike to where I’d moved to and ended up with. But I’m not, I’m not a country girl.

I’m a bit of a big city girl. And we lived a bit too far out for my liking. But Aidan said, you know what? I’m not, I’m not wedded to this place. We can move, but let’s get married. And I was like, all right. So, and it came, it came about, it came about because I was talking to him and I’d said, you know, I’d started to think about what it would be like if we had a family and this, this environment doesn’t just, doesn’t work for me.

And he’s like, see your point, right? Let’s move. So we got married, we moved house. And, and then at that point, work started to be really, really stressful to the point that, you know, it comes, it comes to something when your husband says, when you’re working for the same company and your husband says, you should get a new job.

And I was like, right, okay then. And it happened to be, luckily enough, I was headhunted by somebody else. So I moved, moved job. So I’d taken the anxiety away from not, not liking where I lived and the anxiety of a massive commute, taking away the anxiety of, you know, we’ve got past the whole moving house stuff.

And taking away the anxiety of a really stressful job and be like, why, okay, this is a good time to start. And I just hadn’t, I kind of, while at this point, I was kind of, I was probably about 39 at this point, but I was pretty fit and healthy. I was going to the gym, like four or five times a week, like your typical, but generally looks after myself.

And I kind of made the assumption that because when I was younger, I went on the pill because I was having periods like every two weeks. And I was thinking, well, that wasn’t, must’ve been really fertile then. So surely it stops and it comes back and just didn’t kind of think about it. And, um, and I, so I came off the pill and didn’t have a period for three months.

I thought, well, that’s not completely unusual, but they tell you about the doctor. So I went to the doctor and he’s like, right, yeah, let’s, let’s do some blood tests. So I spent the next two or three months having monthly blood tests at the right time at various times so they could test it out. And he was like.

Don’t think you’re ovulate, don’t think you’re ovulating. You better go and see a gynecologist. So, um, happy 40th birthday to me. I went to see a gynecologist. Um, she’s not one of the best ways to spend your birthday, but hey. He sort of said, well, try some chloride for five months. Okay then, off we go. That didn’t work.

And then he said, right, your only option is, he says, we reckon that, you know, given, given your age, the only option is IVF. And I was a bit like, right, okay then. And I had previously said to Ian, I would. I would rather not, if it comes to the, if it comes to, we still don’t have kids, I would rather adopt than do IBS.

However, when faced with someone telling me that, I basically took it on the, don’t tell me I can’t do this. I’m going to give it a go then. So I’m like, right, challenge, challenge accepted. But because, because of my age, like you can’t have NHS. So in the UK, if you’re a certain age, you get free, you get like one, you get at least a round free.

On, on NHS, but I was too old and he said, the bonus is you can go and pick wherever you want. I was like, brilliant. So we went and had a look and I actually found a clinic literally right next door to my office. Well, I quite liked the, I liked their approach. It was all, it was naturally focused. They didn’t believe in lots of meds.

It’s like, right, if I’m going to try this. I’m going to do it this way and it means I can squeeze it in and out of work and nobody’s going to know. So we tried with them and you know, as I think every clinic does, they’re like, do you want the special offer of three for the, you know, three for a discount, three rounds for a discount?

And we’re like, no, no, no, one, one will be fine. We’ll just do one. We’ll be fine. And the first round actually went fairly well, apart from the fact that I did have them. I’d have a minor meltdown when, for my, literally my last injection, the mixer needle got stuck on the syringe and I had to inject myself with a mixer needle, not a dosage needle, which if anyone has to go through that, it is not fun.

It’s like a spear compared to, wow. Yeah. So initially I was like, this is the first round, I’m not doing this again. Um, I kind of at that point, I was like, no, just not doing it again. I’m not doing it again. I mean, to be fair, Ian, Ian had said to me, do you want me to do that injection? And I hovered for a moment.

I was like, no, no, I’m going to be master of my own pain. Not to mention the fact that I think you’ll struggle. And he’s like, I’m glad you said that. So I did it, but I was like, I just, you better get some chocolate out of the, find some chocolate from somewhere. I want something. So we did it. We did the, we did the first collection and we actually got 12 eggs.

And I was like, yeah, this is good. Eight of them fertilized at the end of it, at the five days we had three, which they said was pretty good, you know, it’s about average and they all looked, they were all pretty good quality. We’re like, brilliant, let’s get to it. And, um, all three transfers failed. And the problem that I’ve, the problem that I saw, the problem that I started with and have had throughout is that having gone from having really heavy periods to the point of being slightly anemic.

My lining was really thin. So one X, one extreme to the other. And then brain’s like, does not compute, but they’re like, no, it’s fine. Well, let’s give it another go. Yeah. Your eggs were good. We’ll just do a couple more tests. So at this point we had a few more blood tests. I had a hysteroscopy done to check that my lining was okay.

I had an era test done to check receptivity. I was like, right, what else can I have tested? Let’s just test. Let’s do everything. I don’t care. I was like, I’m really lucky in that. Ian and I are in a really good position that we’re, we’re financially stable and this wasn’t a problem for us. Although it’s a bit of a downer when you spend your bonus on a hysteroscopy, but anyway, I did have enough for a pair of shoes.

I did have enough left for a good pair of shoes. But we did, we did the few tests and we, we discovered that I’ve also got sticky blood. which, which means that I take kind of an anticoagulant as well when I’m, when I’m, when I’m doing the treatments. So it’s like, well, right, we found something, let’s, that’s fixed.

So we did another collection round and that went fine. There was, there was no issues with injections. I asked for a lot of spares just to be sure. That time we got, we got eight eggs. And five isn’t fertilized and we ended up with three again. So we’re still in a good position, but we, we put two, we had two separate transfers, but in amongst all of this, I had quite a few canceled rounds where I just, me lining wasn’t either.

The right wasn’t, wasn’t getting up to a decent enough level, or I started to have fluid pockets, which you can’t have. So we had a few kind of disappointing rounds. We did a few tests rounds where we tried me on various, various different meds to see if it would work or not. And, um, I think we just, we just got to, we got to a point that we felt like that clinic was doing, was trying the same thing over and over again.

And I was like, this is just not working for me. So at this point we had one frosty left and one of the doctors that had been seen had moved to a different clinic. And I was like, let’s, well, let’s see what they’ve got to say. And my acupuncturist had also said, look, one of a few of the women that she’d seen had had a natural killer cells test.

Which basically is checks whether if you’re putting something into your body, whether your body’s going to start fighting it, which is brilliant if you’ve got the likes of, you know, COVID and a cold, but not when you’re trying to get pregnant. Right. However, the first clinic didn’t believe in this test.

So it was kind of like, I was like, right, okay, then if you’re not, if you’re not playing my game, I’m away. So we moved clinic. So we went to, uh, so we went to the clinic where I was back with you, the doctor, which was good, because she’s like, I know your history and I know what we’ve already done. Here’s the things that I can now tell you, we can have a go at, which is like, right, let’s just try, let’s try this different method first.

So we did, so we did a first round with them with a different, a different method with the whole damn regulation stuff, which I hadn’t done before. And we’d also decided we would do, we would have the embryos tested this time. Unfortunately, after taking way more meds than I’ve ever had before, We only got one embryo out of it and that embryo wasn’t viable and the kicker in the teeth was, that’s the only time that I’ve had a really, really thick lining.

So you can like, but yeah, so we, so we gave that a go first. And this is the beginning of the year where the pandemic hit. So we come up with another plan and doctor says, right, there are, there are a couple of other tests that we could have done, but one of them being the natural killer cell test. I was like, yes, I’ve heard, I’ve heard stories of quite a few women have missed.

Let’s get it done. We just agreed to do this, and that was when the announcement came out. There’s a coronavirus pandemic. Everybody needs to go home and stay home. May be in May, when everybody else went home early that evening, I went to the gym, fit in my last gym session, and then squeezed in the blood tests the next morning.

So literally, it’s a Tuesday morning, London lockdown on the Wednesday, Tuesday morning, I’m at the doctors having the blood tests done. And, and get near the two tests on, and both of them came back with something positive to deal with. So I did have a level of a slightly elevated level of natural killer cells.

So they’re like, right, when we do it, when we do the next one, we’re going to give you intralipids. But at this point I hadn’t an enforced break because everything shut down. So we had an enforced break and I was like, well, you know, let’s just think positively. It might. It might just happen. Let’s just chill out.

Do what we want to do. It might happen. Come August. We were back at the clinic and tried another round and this time we got, well, we decided we’re not going to do, we’re not going to bother with the test and let’s just, let’s just go ahead. If we get, if we get one, we get one. Let’s just do it. So we had another, so we had another round and then we got one and we put that back and that didn’t work.

So we tried another round, didn’t get any. And then we had another round and we got two and the doc said, let’s just put both of them back. And I was like, right. Okay. Then. So we put both of them back and that didn’t work. So this is all happening with the interlippin syndrome thing. We had one frosty left and we’re like, right, let’s, let’s just try and ramp up everything we’ve done before.

Let’s, let’s try everything else. Let’s just see what will work and let’s, let’s go for it. So we went for it and it didn’t work. And at this point, I was like, right, I’ve done my homework. What about donor? What about a donor egg? I was like, after all, I’d said, I’d said adoption at the beginning. It’s kind of the same thing.

And I don’t have a problem. And the one thing that was the one thing that was good with meaning was I, I’d said to him, the thing you get to do when you’re, when you’re in lockdown and the only thing you can do is go for a walk, is have conversations. So we used kind of those, those, those days to have conversations about, about what was on and off the table.

And I was lucky that again, in that front was like, look, I know that this is all mainly you. So whatever you’re comfortable with. If you want to try it, we’ll try it. And I was like, well, how do you feel about it? Don’t wreck. And he’s like, nothing is off the table. If you, if you, if you want to go, if you want to try this, you can try it.

If, if you’re open to it, we can give it a go. And I write, okay. So we went back to the, so I went back to the, the clinic and we had the, the kind of the final consultation. They’re like, we don’t do donor. So then we had to find another, another, another clinic. Fortunately, a friend of ours had also had a donor egg and had used another clinic.

I did interview a couple of other doctors though, but we went to, we went to this clinic and again, they’re like, tell you what, we’ve got different drugs. Do you want to give the different drugs a try? And I’m like, well, I might as well tick them all off the list. So I’m pretty sure I’ve had virtually every job there is, as far as I’m concerned, to do with fertility.

Some of them are pretty good, and some of them are not so good. So we gave that a go, it didn’t work. And he said, right, we, there’s, there is something that I think you could be interested in. We can’t recommend it because it’s not licensed in the UK. However, our Spanish clinic is running a research. A research project on PRP, which is plasma rich platelets, I can put you in touch with the doctor in Spain.

And as we’d said, nothing’s off the table, fine, let’s have a conversation. So we had a, we had a conversation with the doctor in Spain, who was very nice, was really good, explained all of the things to us. It’s like, well, it’s basically having like a hysteroscopy again, because actually I’d already had, I’d had a second hysteroscopy by this point, because the doctor at the third clinic had said, let’s just check.

You’ve been through a lot. Let’s just check. So, so, so we had a chat with the guy in Spain. He explained everything. There were two different options. There was kind of one option that you could do, which was over the course of quite a few days, but I stay awake. Well, there was a one day option where they knocked me out and they were a bit concerned.

And then I get it, you know, it is like surgery. I was like, man. I’ve had umpteen collections. You can knock me out as much as you want. It’s not a problem. I love a bit of sedation. It’s the highlight of the process. I get to have a power nap. It’s brilliant. I know. You look for, you know, the one thing I learned, you take your highs where you can get them, you take your positives wherever you can get them.

Absolutely. And, um, that was, that was mine. I loved a power nap. And, um, so yes, we went to, so we went to, we went to Spain. I had the procedure done, and then we came back to London and we kind of, we tried for, we tried for to get, me and Meina didn’t quite go up the first time, but they said, you know, it can take a couple of goals before it, before it actually kicks in.

It’s like, well, okay, we’ve, and we’ve got an idea. Since she seemed like it pretty much went to everything. Why don’t we try it with Viagra? And I was like, okay. And they’re like, no, no. It, it doesn’t work like that. And, and for anyone who’s had it, it doesn’t work like that. I thought I was going to have another high, but no, when you, when you’re on the fertility dose, it basically just gives you headaches, which is a pain, but I wasn’t you only on it for a few days while I was in your for a few days.

And, um, just before we started this round, I got COVID again. So yeah, it was kind of one of these, one of those moments when I didn’t feel ill. I had maybe a slightly dry throat and the only reason that I did a test was because I was going to my cousin’s wedding in, in, in like a week’s time. And I just wanted to be sure.

So, I did the test, and a little red line popped up, and I was like, in my head I was like, it’s alright though, I’ll be done in seven days, it’ll be gone by the time I need the first scan, we can crack on. Honestly, the clinic was like, no, that’s not how it works Claire, you know, it affects your blood, it affects your body, you need to take the month off.

So not only did I have COVID that month, I also followed that up with a completely stinking cold. So I spent the whole month being ill, shook everything off, started on the meds. They gave me, I had the Viagra, started off, started all the other stuff. I had the scan and they had a, they booked me and I was supposed to have the transfer done on the 25th of April.

Had the scan they did the week before and they’re like, No, you speak too far away, but you are close enough. That will push you into the week. I was like, right, okay then. And on the plus side, I’m thinking, right, that pushes me back a week, which means I save, I save a day’s holiday because it’s bank holiday Monday.

So don’t need to take time off because, because that’s, that’s all sorted the day I should have had the transfer. I went in for, I went in for the scan and the doctor who was doing it, who is, is it a newer doctor? And he was quite young. And I was sitting there thinking, I’m sure I’ve been having treatment longer than you’ve been given it.

I’m going to keep you out of trouble. And, uh, he sort of did it and he was like, okay, so Ronnie, like 25. And he’s like, yeah, cause we, we need it to be seven. I was like, I’m just going to stop you there. We don’t need seven. We look for six. If you had, if you read me notes, you’ll find that this is the, this is the problem.

We, we made the decision a long time ago. Once we get to the six, the lining is perfect. It’s just, it’s just that thin. That’s just me. That’s just my body. We’re looking for six. He’s like, right. Okay. Then. And suddenly find 6. 5, I was like, that my friend is a go. So, so yeah, so it was, it was all through your head.

We, we made all the arrangements cause we were, we, we had the, we had the donor donor in Spain, made the arrangements, flew out, had the trans, had the transfer done, came home and I was a bit like, right, it’s the, it’s the waiting game. I’ve been here before, so I had me two week wait diary, which I’d been doing before, filling it all in and I’m just kind of cracked on just.

40 hours looking at work was quite busy, so I ended up working late, but not being stressed. It just, but it kept, it kept me busy and was quite happy about that. And then what was it about eight days later, I had an implantation delayed. So I had the, I had the discharge. I spotted the discharge. And, uh, when I said, so I said to him, he’s like, you’ve got discharge.

And he’s like, Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is a good thing. He’s like, are you sure? I was like, yes, I’ve read everything. I’ve read everything five times over. This is a good thing, and we’ve never had it before. He’s like, right, okay then. So my pregnancy test was on Friday the 13th, which some people might find horrific.

I love a horror film. Friday the 13th, I’m all over it. So my, my mates are just like, it’s standard. So what me, me transfer was done on my cousin’s birthday, which I predicted when they were born. And then it was Friday the 13th, and I love a good horror film. So they’re like, it just, it lined, it kind of lines up.

Things just started to line up in a row. And typically being, you know, your type A control free was not going to wait until the blood test result. I did the P Stick test straight away on the morning. So I do it on the morning, do the test, clean my teeth while I’m waiting for it to work, and um, pick it up.

And my friend said, I’m the only person she knows who’s ever compared a pregnancy test to a COVID test. But it was exactly the same experience when you think. It’s potential. I know that there’s a chance and it was kind of like a, well, shit, there’s a line. So I literally opened the bedroom, bedroom door. I said, he’s like, there’s, there’s a line.

He’s like, what does that mean? I was like, there’s a pregnant line. He’s like, well, hold on. where you have the blood test. It’s like, you do know the blood test is more sensitive than the pay stick. That’s why they do a blood test. And he’s like, so let’s just wait. Let’s just wait. So obviously I had the blood test.

The blood test came back positive. I missed the call. I missed the call from, from the doctor who then sent me an email that’s gone. And I’ve still kept it. Cause it’s quite funny. So they put it in very big caps and lots and lots of exclamation marks. You are pregnant. Which was, which was really funny. So then I had to phone, then I had to phone them.

And I think I disappointed them by saying, I know, I know I did the test. I’m sorry. Sorry to steal your thunder. So yeah, so then we spent the next few weeks in shock. It was like, wow, it was positive. There’s, there’s a baby. And then we had the five week scan. And I think that was the point where I was like, well, one, it’s five weeks ago, you’re eight weeks pregnant.

And I was like, hold on. You put it back five weeks ago. They don’t, nobody bothers to tell you this is the bit that your friends never thought to bother to update of actually, you know, the counted from the first day of your period and, or in my case, minus in the extra week. So that’s all a bit complicated, but yeah, I wasn’t actually expecting to see an actual baby shape.

I think we were expecting it was just going to be a little boy. So yes, we both sat like this. And, um, yeah, it was funny. If it was the doctor, the doctor who did me scan was the doctor who almost said no. So, um, so yeah, after having tried many different, many different rounds and having. Lots of tears and a few meltdowns, we are, finally.

Wow. Wow, Claire. I mean, it just, and I’m trying to like, put all of, I mean, you went from, I’m open to everything, you know, let’s, let’s try all of these things, to also taking a leap to do the PRP. And being willing to like, you know, you’re so committed and look at it paid off, look at how beautiful this story is and, and the power of keeping your heart open because Claire, I mean, you could have, you know, from the get go, you could have made this, you know, all about you and like some ego story that.

You know, I’m only willing to do this, or I’m only willing to do that, but your heart was open. Yeah, I was like, if we can do it, we try. I mean, I think we moved, we moved clinics twice because they weren’t as open to doing things as we were. It’s like, I need someone who is, who is on my side completely, and who is open to trying anything, because I will try anything.

Like, you need to tell me, it’s like, you tell me no, and I’m going to say why. you know, you find me something else to do. I’ll tell you when the answer’s no. I’ll tell you when I’m done. And to be honest, I think when we decided to do the door around, I said, I said to him, this is it. I’ve had enough now. I have been through enough.

My body has been through enough because the last clinic had said, given your age, we’ll do one more collection if you want. And I was like, look, I’ve been there. I’ve done that. It ain’t fun. I’ve had enough. I want to try this. And that was when they said, actually, we, we can’t do that. So we, so we moved on and I’ve literally been at the point where the clinics say we’re not going to support you being open to try stuff.

I’m like, see ya. It’s not acceptable. Yeah. Well, and I think I love the point that you’re making is that you were committed to, to doing whatever it took to get to this place. And you never lost sight of your own license and agency in this whole process. You weren’t going to be bullied into doing anything.

You were following your card. I mean, I did have, I did have a point. So the point at which I found you, which was probably, now where were we at? It was actually the, the February before, beginning of the year before lockdown. When I’d been through quite a few and we’d had that round and nothing had come of it.

At that point I full on hit rock bottom. And I mean, at that point I hit the dig in. I hated everyone. And I actually got to the point, I was like, right, I’m gonna quit work. I’m gonna pack a suitcase, I’m gonna leave. I’m either gonna move to a beach on in Thailand, or I’m gonna go and join a yoga commune in, in Aha.

Everyone can go and do one. I do not care. I’m gonna cut off everyone. I’m not taking the phone. I’ll probably email me. Bam. ’cause otherwise she’ll kill me. But other than that, I don’t care. I’m not, I’m just, I’ve had enough, I have full on had enough. And um, I think that was the point where Ian was a little bit worried because.

He’d, he’d struggled. I think he, he struggled with, with some of this and to understand some of this, and we’d struggled to communicate. And at that point, I, I think at that point I was just like, I’ve, I’ve had it, I’ve had it with, you had it with everyone. I’m done. And at that point, Facebook chose to throw me up and, and had it for your book.

And I kind of read. I read the title and I was like, Oh, what’s that? No. Cause I’ve only had one doctor tell me it’s all my fault and I told him where he could go. There was one doctor, which I, I, he is lucky I did not punch him because at this point I was like, I was very much a test everything. And that means both of us, there are two of us in race, right?

It’s both of us. And this doctor actually turned around and said, well, I don’t really see the point. Cause you know, 99 percent of the time it’s the woman. And, uh, I think Ian could see my, at this point Ian got ahold of my hand because he could see my knuckles had turned white. He was like, yeah, he grabbed the hand that, he grabbed the hand that I would have punched him with, so.

He was lucky he was on the right side. Ian’s a good man. Yeah, he’s, he’s, he’s seen me, he’s seen me get a bit angry. So, uh, he kind of knew where I was coming from. I was very, I was, I was very calm. And I just said, I don’t necessarily choose to, to disagree with you on that point. I think that we’re two of us.

I said, well, let’s, let’s come up with a plan for this. And I came out of that. that appointment and they’re like, do you want another appointment with him next week? I don’t ever want to see him again. You can give me a point with the other doctor. Don’t want to see him again. And then I think, I think he’s probably wasn’t the only person that wasn’t the only person he’d upset.

Cause they kind of just went by. Okay. So, so yeah. So by, by that point, having had like a few things and I kind of probably hit the bottom, but I saw your book and I was like, you know what, I’ve read websites. Let’s, let’s, let’s just, let’s give it a go. I said I’d be open to stuff, so let’s give it a go. So I, so I bought your book, read the introduction track and I was like, did I write this?

This is like my, this woman is properly in my head. It’s like, I could have written this myself. This is me. So I kept going through the book and I read through the book first and then I went back and I did do some of the exercises and. My acupuncturist said to me, so she’d seen me the week before and she, she was in trouble, her Chinese herbal medicines.

I laughed at the black chicken. I didn’t go that far, but she did give me some very large bags of Chinese herbs, which basically made me sick. And I was like, let’s not do that again. Um, I was like, at that point I was thinking the chicken, I think would have been better. So she, what she said, she said, she could see me kind of going, going down.

And after I read your book, she was like, she said, what, what, what’s changed? What you are not, you are not the Claire that I saw a few weeks ago. You’ve something’s happened. And I was like, I found this book. It’s awesome. This woman’s in your head. And she’s like, whatever it is, whatever it is, just do it.

It’s working for you. She’s like, you’ve completely changed your outlook. So yeah, and I think that was, that was the turning point for me. And when we got, when we got through lockdown, when we got into lockdown, I was like, I don’t like that. I’m not doing anything. So actually work, what can I do? And that was the point where I gave you a call.

And I was like, right now, let’s use this time. Let’s use the downtime to get the head really in gear. Cause God knows what’s coming on the other side. It could be more of the same. It could be better. We don’t know. So that was when, that was when I joined your, your coaching and it was, yeah, it was nice to be part of, of that group.

And I think at that point I did just need a kick up the arm. And you got a right kick up the ass. Oh yeah. And I aspirate. I full on aspirate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was fun. I remember, I remember being, I remember kind of sitting there, so I just started off, and I know there was, you know, me and many of the other women shared the same frustration that our husbands didn’t necessarily understand and couldn’t, couldn’t deal with it, and we couldn’t, we weren’t communicating.

And I remember, I remember sitting there going, right then, rah, rah, rah, husband this, husband that, rah, rah, rah, rah, and you going, you done? I’m like, yeah, yes, that’s, that’s where I’m at, that’s what I need to solve. And you said, I’m going to say this because I love you. You’re full of bullshit. It’s like, right.

I was like, well, yeah, I see your point. I see your point. Yeah. I remember that. I remember that. Yeah. You set me, you set me a task of, I had been keeping a gratitude. I’d started to keep a gratitude diary, but you said, right. You’ve got like 48 hours to give me a hundred things that you’re grateful for. It took me, it took me 30 minutes.

I couldn’t believe how quickly I managed to write that many things down. And I felt a little bit smug when I, when I was like, no, I got my homework in early. But it’s the one thing I have kept up. I’ve kept up the gratitude diary because it is The one thing that came out of the coaching was as well, one acknowledging Ian’s struggle, but also acknowledging what he was, what he was doing.

So my, my brain was totally focused on, he’s not doing this, he’s not doing this, he’s not doing this. And I completely ignored everything he was doing to the point that, you know, in one of the sessions, a few of us had conversations like this, and I came out of that session and I went and zoomed. He’s like.

So how was it then? I was like, I’m sorry. I was like, I’m really, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way that I’ve been. I’m sorry for not acknowledging what you have actually been doing. And I think I pretty much floored him. It’s like, I’ve spent so much time complaining to you about the things that you haven’t done.

I haven’t acknowledged the things that you have done and where you have supported me. So I’m sorry. So let’s, you know, I’m going to try and be better at this. So we, so we, we use that as a, as a bit of a, as a bit of a springboard, but I mean, it wasn’t, it wasn’t plain sailing that we still had ups and downs.

And I remember listening to one of your, your podcasts and fairly recently, and I remember, I think it came up in, in one of the sessions we said, you know, challenge point, I just asked, do you really want this? And I think that’s. At the point where I, where I was that brutally honest and that, that vulnerable, well, that was the point where he really, really kind of acknowledged she is struggling.

And that was a point where he said, you know, I, I kind of don’t know how to deal with you not dealing with stuff. You are so, you are one of the strongest people I know. You just get on with it. So when it comes, when you say. You don’t know how to cope. I kind of don’t, don’t know how to do. I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. And I was like, well, to be honest, sometimes I don’t know what, I can’t tell you to do something specific. Sometimes you just need to be there and to listen and just. Just give me a hug. I was like, sometimes I just need to get it out.

And sometimes you just need to take that sudden supplement and not argue. And he’s like, right, okay then. But it is that it’s been a very eyeopening process discovering our, our strengths and weaknesses and, and our vulnerabilities and being able to actually acknowledge the vulnerabilities. It was quite, that was quite difficult.

Both of us, because he wants to be the man and the husband and support, and it’s what the hell do I do? Right. And I’m like, I don’t even have an answer for you. And he’s like, why are you crumbling? You’re the strong one. And I’m like, I don’t know. It’s annoying to me too. So, so yeah, so it kind of being able to just be open, you know, the reminder to just be open with each other as opposed to screaming was kind of the point where it made, it made me step back.

Had I not at least read your book, I think things could have gone downhill very, very quickly. I mean, I was ready to pack a bag. I was, I was ready to, I was ready to go. I just had enough. I hear that a lot, Claire, I hear that a lot from, from women that this book and this program come into women’s lives, like exactly when they need it.

And, and the timing is, is incredible. So what would you say, because look, you know, you, you had been through a lot up until that point. What do you, what role did mindset play? in this next phase for you, like being open to going to Spain and doing the things that you did and, and showing up the way that you have, like, what role do you think mindset played in all that?

I think it’s really, for me, it was actually learning to be, not even learning to be positive, learning to ignore the negative. So one of the things that I ended up having a conversation after I did one of the things when I sent out a wall. My husband is an actuary, he loves statistics and he does all the research, but he started to throw things at me that I felt weren’t helpful.

And I actually, at that point, I turned around and said, look, if it doesn’t help me, I’m not interested. If it’s not positive, don’t want to know because it’s either negative, in which case it makes me feel worse or it’s irrelevant and it’s just taking up space. So only tell me something if you think it’s going to help or it’s something I need to think about.

so much. You’re welcome. Okay. But I understand that. It’s like, so that’s, that’s the way we focus on all of the information we are given, which part of it is going to help us. Cause if it’s not, let’s ignore it. And that’s, that’s the way we took every, every step at that point was like, what information are they given us?

And that was one of the other things that really, that really resonated with me that I’ve shared with friends and made like, actually, that’s, that’s an awesome idea that anybody’s opinion is just information. It’s what you do with it that matters. You just take it on board. So we just, we’d sit down whenever anybody sent anything to us and we’re like, do we accept it?

Does it work for us? No. Move on. So, which is why we end up, we end up moving clinics. So like, do we agree with their process? Is it helping us? No. Right. Thanks, but we’re off. And, and that’s, that was the one, that was one thing. Only look at it. What’s only look for the positive things. What’s going to help?

What is going to help? How are we going to what’s going to be the best thing? What’s going to maximize our chances? What’s going to be the most successful thing? Because the doctor, the doctor in Spain had said, you know, if you go on If you’re going donor, do you want to try that without the PRP? Cause it, it, you know, there’s a good chance.

And we were just like, no, we’re just going to do everything. We are maximizing. It’s like, this is, this is the last kind of goal, whatever that we, and we’ve got four embryos, whatever it is, you know, however embryos we would have had at the time. We want to maximize our chances. So we want, we want to do both.

And he was like, all right, then. So, so yeah, so he was like, he was, you know, he gave us his opinion, but was, was right behind. He’s like, if you want to do both, I’m behind you and we’ll do whatever you want to do. So, yeah, so it was just, it was a case of what’s gonna, what’s going to work. So, you know, the doctor in the, in London in the third clinic.

We’d said, you know, nothing’s off the table, nothing’s, nothing is off the table. We’re looking at Donut, what can, you know, what can you do, what do you recommend? And they were like, right, okay, here you go. So they just, they gave us everything we needed to know about, about Donut, about the processes. They, you know, they thought about it.

And actually London and, and Bilbao where, where I had the, the PRP, they worked together to come up with a, to come up with a plan. Because when, when the initial PRP didn’t quite kick in, I’d said, Oh, does that mean, you know, we need to go for the long haul one and try it, try it different. Cause there are two different methods of doing it.

Do we now need to try the other one? And they’re like, no, hang on, hang on. We’re just, we’re going to give you a break. Cause it’s quite a big thing. Why don’t we try this instead first in between, if this doesn’t work, you can try it either way, but we don’t want to put you through something massive when we think there’s something else you can try.

And I was like, you know, I like this. I like, you’re bringing me ideas. You’re bringing me solutions and not kind of not telling me no. So, um, So, yes, that’s, that’s what we talk with you. It’s like, right, where, where are the positives? What are you telling me that, that is going to work for me? Because Anything else is just rubbish.

I think that’s such an important point, Claire, is that, you know, you and Ian were really clear, not only about what you wanted, but what you were open to. And you started taking this information that came in and said, is this right for us, rather than just immediately saying, well, the white coats are saying this, or the white coats are saying that, and not maintaining your position of direction and power.

In this process, like that’s really extraordinary and, and that’s definitely, you know, sometimes people hear, oh, well, this isn’t going to work or that isn’t going to work and they just accept it. But you had the inner strength and the resilience to say, you know what, I need to decide if this is right for me, I need to decide if I accept that.

I mean, that’s extraordinary. So, how far along are you now? So, I am 20 weeks. Wow. Wow. So what are some things that you would want the women listening to know? Like, remember back to when you first found my book or first were listening to the podcast, like, what would you want these women listening who maybe don’t feel as powerful or maybe, you know, are not as open, but maybe want to be like, what would you want them to know?

I think, I mean, I’ve. I’ve always been the kind of person who’s like, look, I’ll give anything a bash once. And, and I actually, I remember saying a friend of mine was thinking about starting, but it was starting IVF and she’s, she’s about my age now. And I, and she asked, she was asking about the donor. And I said to her, I said, well, there’s a good chance they’ll mention it to you.

And she’s like, I don’t think, I don’t think I could, I could do that. And I say, I’m going to ask you a question. What’s more important. Do you want a baby or do you want a baby? That’s a hundred percent genetic for you. And she’s like, I want a baby. And I was like, well, there’s the answer. I said, the question is, what do you want?

What do you want? And how are you going to get it? It’s, you know, it’s, we do this at work every day. And I was like, I kind of just applied the same mindset. It’s like, if I’m focused on what I want to achieve at work and what I want to get, and I look at, I look at the options and I look at the chances of, you know, what’s going to help me achieve this more.

And they’re the things I’m going to pursue. I’m not going to get bogged down with the things that are just going to get in the way. And I think you’ve You’ve just got to focus on as difficult as it is. And I believe me, I have been, we have been at points where My meltdowns were pretty much like the exorcist, you know, like the full on things, you know, stuff flying everywhere.

It was not pretty, but at the end of it, but I think sometimes you just, you do just need to let, you need to let it out. But ultimately then you’re like, right, what step do I take next? And it’s all about what’s putting one foot in front of the other and not trying to focus on, I think one of the things that me and Ian clashed over was I was trying to do everything.

And I was like, the diet, the everything, and you know, one of the podcasts you said, you know, and one of the other things that we hadn’t in the, in the coaching was you said, I was like, we’re still not on the same page and you can like, you are on the same page. It’s just, you’re a paragraph ahead of him.

And actually that was kind of, that really, that was what got me is that actually we are, we do things differently. And it is understanding that the person that you’re doing it with. Doesn’t necessarily feel the need to do every single little thing. And I think for me, I think us women on the journey, we tend, we throw everything and everything in the kitchen sink and we try to do everything at once.

And that’s what causes the burnout. So it’s like not getting, don’t get too bogged down. I mean, for anyone who’s saying, I drank all the way through lockdown. We had cocktails and everything. We would, you know, we had online parties. I took a break. I took a proper break. And, you know, I’d been. Changing my gym routines, I changed the back, I did all my gyms, I did my gym routines, I did what made me, I did what made me comfortable, and I only changed it when I felt it was right for me to change it, so I toned it down when I had a transfer, and I toned it down at the right times, and I think it is just focusing on, you know, what do you ultimately, it’s that ultimate goal, and what do you want, what are you comfortable doing in order to get it, and make, make that decision up front, and just, and stick to it, and Just keep, keep the people on board who are willing to support you and your, you and your vision and what you want, what you want to do.

So my mates were all, you know, my mates were all behind me and they would all be like, are we drinking tonight or are we drinking? And then some nights I’d be like, right, it’s a no, no, completely. And others, I was like, I’m going to share a bottle with you. And others, I’m going to have one glass. I’m going to make it last a really long time.

And they were like, right. Okay. And they would, they would kind of help me pace and, and, and just, and just be there to, you know, they’re just like, you know, and the occasions that I needed to have a rant about, you know, about again, on whatever we’ve done, and they’d be like, you know, the grand scheme of things, it’s probably not the end.

It’s not the end of the world, but this is really kind of. This is Tickle It Day, so sometimes you just need to have the people there who are just the ones who are just willing to let you run, but then not let you dwell on it. I love that, Claire. And it makes me so proud to hear like the phrases, what do you want?

You know? Or, you know, is this, is this helping me? Is this, is this actually a positive thing that we want to focus on? How far am I willing to go? Am I going to be that woman? You know, and it’s great because it just makes me so proud. I’m like, it definitely stuck. The coaching stuck and it’s, I applied, I applied to everything.

It’s like, don’t give me, you know, don’t give me problems. Give me solutions. It’s like, you know, you say the work say at home, don’t give me problems. Give me solutions. That’s, that’s what I need. Yeah, yeah. And I think that’s a massive shift for a lot of people. Like, cause a lot of people get stuck in the problem and it’s like, no, I don’t want to hear any more about the problem.

I only want to hear about solutions and I know what I want and I’m willing to go get it. And look at you here today. 20 weeks pregnant. You made the dream come true. You’re here and it’s incredible. And you have the, you have the ability to see this from so many sides, you know, with the rich experience that you had in this process.

And, you know, one thing that I say to my, to my ladies like you all the time is, I hope you never forget how powerful you are. Because you overcame so much to get to this place. Well done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it’s been such a pleasure to have you on Claire and it’s such a delight to see the transformation to see where you were when we first met and to see you here now, 20 weeks pregnant, self assured relationship, stronger than ever.

You and Ian are going to be amazing parents. So keep me posted woman. I will do. Loves, can you see why Claire made her success on this journey an inevitability? She literally went from the seemingly impossible to the absolute inevitable. She was going to get there one way or another. And it’s incredible to watch that.

It is intensely inspiring. Because, you know, it’s so easy to get caught up in, I can’t do this, I can’t do that, and that’s for other people, and I’m only willing to go this far. But she asked a really powerful question. What do you want? What do you want? Do you want your baby, or do you want to stay stuck in your pattern?

Do you want your baby, or do you want to worship fear? Do you want your baby, or do you just want to bitch and complain about why shit’s not happening for you? You’ve got to be in the ring. And that’s this beautiful gift that all of these kind and generous, big hearted women are sharing with you right now.

Go and live your dream, go and just be a woman on fire for what she wants in her life, because that’s the key. Without you, I mean think about it, think about all the things that Clara went through, and think about when she was finally successful. What was different? She was. The way that she operated in her life, the way she operated on her journey, the way that she interacted in her relationship, everything changed when she changed who she was being, and it’s no mystery and it’s no accident.

This is what women who are committed to success do. They learn to think in an entirely new way, and they take what looks impossible and they make it inevitable. And if you want to learn what I taught Claire, my fearlessly fertile method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases, mind and body.

So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret. I work with women who are committed to success, and that means women that are all in. All in. This is not for toe dippers. This is for women who are truly committed to being a mom. And if that’s you, you can apply for an interview for this program by going to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodology has helped women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves as you heard today. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, baby, you got a gaping hole in your strategy. You got to fix that shit and set yourself up for success.

There’s nothing more expensive than regret. Till next time, change your mindset. Change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.