EP203 How An “UnLived” Life Will BLOCK Your Baby

We think that our misery on this journey has no impact on our attempts to conceive. Few things could be farther from the truth. Learn how your “unlived” life can block your baby and perpetuate that cycle when they do get here. Eeek! If you are committed to being the best Mom you can be, turn this one up!

Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43. Despite years of fertility treatment failure, I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey. Just like I did get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine, badassery, and loads of hell. Yes.

For your fertility journey. It’s time to get fearless, baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 203. How an unlived life will block your baby. Oh, my loves, this one is gonna be a doozy. So, I wanna start off with I’m going to be sharing with you that the inspiration for today’s topic came from a really powerful conversation I was having with a few dozen women.

I happen to be a speaker on a panel that my dear friend, Wendy Saunders, had put together of other women who are out there becoming change makers, really making an impact on the world. And one of the speakers brought up a point that really blew my mind, and I just could not resist sharing it with you here.

And it’s the kind of thing that I think, when you put it into perspective, can really get you right in the heart. And I think that sometimes we need that. On this journey, we need that that thing that comes into our life to really grab us by the shoulders and shake us and really shake us out of our slumber in our lives.

Because let’s be honest, we are creatures of habit. We are we are naturally programmed to run on patterns. And most of the time we’re just running a pattern. We’re not really conscious and alive in our lives. I know that sounds nuts. We have a tendency to kind of be zombified in our journey, in our jobs, in our relationships.

We just kind of keep doing what we’ve always done over and over again, regardless of how fucking miserable it might be, because it’s what we know. It’s what we’re comfortable with. And, you know, that’s probably not a new concept. But what can be new is what you do about it. And, and I think that sometimes when we’re presented with information in a way that really does kind of hit us in the heart.

It can give us the opportunity to really say, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, let’s turn this train. And let’s head in a different direction while we still have time. So the statement that got my attention in this way was, The most damaging thing to a child. Is a parent with an unlived life. Ooh, really take that in.

The most damaging thing to a child is a parent with an unlived life. Now, when I heard that, I, it kind of threw me for a loop. And I really sat with that for a while. And I, I, I thought back to my own personal experiences, the experiences of other. People that I know very well, you know, I really started to test out that statement and I thought a lot about the stories, the programs, all of the things that we get from our very well intentioned.

But often, let’s, let’s just put it this way, not all of us grew up in, in homes where our parents were doing the work, right? Doing the kind of internal work that can lead to a higher sense of awareness that will give us the internal mechanisms. To really cope with some of the things that we face in our lives now This is not to crucify anybody’s parent and and I come from a perspective on this that everyone is doing the best that they can and Even if our beloved parents, quote unquote, fall short, we can take real solace in the fact that they were doing the best that they could with what they knew, okay?

None of this is about perfection. We’re not looking for perfection, and we’re certainly not looking for anyone to fucking blame. As, as women who are creators in our lives, and not victims, wallowing in misery, never doing anything to improve ourselves, Looking for somebody to blame is a fool’s errand and a shirking of your responsibility.

So, don’t mistake this as like an indictment of anybody’s folks, but let’s be honest, you know, we were probably at some level, we’re in a situation where our parents didn’t exactly prepare us for all of this, they were just simply perpetuating the stories that they were told. Right for better or worse and so when I was doing the internal kind of scan of my own life experience and the experiences of others that I’m close to that I could talk with about this the truth of this statement.

Really was shocking to me. I mean, not shocking in the way that it, you know, it isn’t at some level kind of obvious, right? Because like, when you think about it, if your parents are fucking miserable, you’re going to take on some of that misery. Because chances are, if they’re miserable, they’re probably going to be making you miserable too.

And as a kid, you don’t have the internal Ability to, to protect your mindset because all you want to do is, is please mom and dad and, and, and just be loved and, and kind of survive. Right? And look, even if you had a childhood that was, for the most part, great. You know, that doesn’t mean that, that there aren’t patterns that you were given that don’t need to be looked at.

You know, I love my folks. They did the best that they could and they’re kind and loving people. But I think if we all look at our circumstances, there are probably some crazy shit going on in our homes that you’re like, Whoa, uh, I certainly wouldn’t want to repeat that pattern. So, the reason why I’m bringing this to your attention is because And having done this work, coaching women to success on their fertility journey for as long as I have, I think this is true even preconception, you know?

And I think that, I mean, looking at the lives of the women that I serve, looking at my own experience. And you hear me say this in so many different ways, and I say it often, because, look, it’s key! Is the happier you are, and the more fulfilled you are, the faster your baby comes in. Because you are not putting all kinds of pressure on this unborn child to unfuck your life, and to make you whole.

And I know that this is probably gonna be a little direct for some, but hey, you know what, you’ll thank me for it at some point. You might not be able to hear it right now. This might piss you off, but hey, I, I’m willing to be the person that pisses you off so that you can get back on track, that this’ll rattle your chains a little bit, and get you into a position to succeed.

Because sometimes the truth cannot be sugar coated, right? It just can’t. Sometimes the hardest and deepest truths are kinda like that. So let’s go back to the point. The most damaging thing to a child is a parent with an unlived life. Think about what the impact was on you when you consider the life your parents didn’t live, right?

Like, think about it. Like, so many of us had parents that aspired to other things. And you can see your parents frustration, you can see your parents misery, you can see your parents anger, right? With their circumstances and the impact that it had on you. Again, nobody is looking to crucify your folks, so do not misinterpret this.

But, what if you could break the chain? What if you could live such an incredibly fulfilling life that even before your baby gets here, they know they are coming into a home that is whole and a home that is going to allow them to be who they are, not what you want them to be. Right? The pressure is crazy.

Now, I know that there are going to be some that may hear this and say, Well, I mean, what are you saying, Rosa? That an unlived life is somehow worse than child molest? Or, you know, violence in the home? That’s not damaging? I prosecuted those cases. I know what those cases are about. And so many of those circumstances, those exact circumstances, We’re relating to a parent with an unlived life, a parent enduring their own pain and suffering from their own abuse, okay?

So, we’re not talking about the unlived life in the sense of not having the car you want, not the material things you want. I’m talking about Living a life of true fulfillment, that is, is not marred with substance abuse, physical abuse, all these other things. So, don’t go to an extreme to just try to dismiss this.

Okay, be smarter than that. Really take this in. And if you find yourself trying to blow this off, just notice that. Notice the part of you that doesn’t want to see the truth in this statement. I’m not here to make you wrong, but just check it. Check it. Because whenever we, we reject something, it’s typically because we don’t understand it.

Right? So, going back to how an unlived life can block your baby, you know, think about all of the things, all of the joy, all of the relief, all of the peace that we hang on this one Event having this baby. Think about the pressure. Think about all of the other things that when your mind is not trained, you will put everything else on pause and zero in on this child.

And those things that you press pause on in your life will begin to atrophy. They are like muscles that are not worked. So they get flaccid. They get useless. And they get squishy, right? And I see this all of the time. Like, women come to me very often. And look, I, I’ve got no judgment on it because I was in that place as well.

Where they haven’t had fun in years. Haven’t gone on vacation in years. Their professional development has, has gone like, I don’t know, neutral? Or, or maybe Because they’re so unfulfilled in this area that’s having their baby that they’ll put the, the work stuff on overdrive and, and let things go in their relationship and all this other stuff because they’re trying to fill this hole.

And as understandable as that is, it’s creating an unlived life. You’re not in your life. You’re not in the present in your life, enjoying your life, enjoying your relationships. Enjoying this process, because you know what, you can. Who says this journey has to suck? Letting this journey suck is a choice. It is.

You’re consciously choosing to let this journey suck. And when I see women turn the corner and begin to live their lives again, say yes and, yes I can be on this journey and I can have a life, I can still be in my life, and yes things may be uncertain, yes I may be at times frightened, yes Yes. I might be disappointed, and I have a life.

Things blow wide open for them, because they are not hinging their happiness on this tiny baby who has yet to be born to make them whole, okay? And when you think about it, think about the energy that you feel in your body and in your spirit when you’re having a really good time, right? If it’s been a long time for you since you’ve had, like, joy, you know, and we’re not that far off of the holidays, so maybe you had a little bit of that, maybe it was good to see friends, maybe good to see family.

Your energy. Necessarily went up, right? And when you think about the energetic frequency where your baby is, and I know there may be some people shaking their heads as they hear it, but it’s it’s a fact we have electricity going through our bodies. We are spiritual beings having a material experience.

You can feel frequency whether you want to admit it or not. This is a fact. It is backed by science and is being measured regularly. Okay? In fact, I’ll be having an expert on this podcast, uh, maybe in about a month or so, that’s going to be talking about that. Like, literally, the process of manifestation requires you to be at the frequency of the thing that you’re trying to call in.

It’s a fact, okay? It’s, it’s quantum physics. If you are at a super low frequency having an unlived life, how are you ever going to get to the place where you can at least match your baby’s frequency and call them in? Okay? There’s a reason why all of these women that you hear on this podcast, the happier they were, they become, the more engaged in their life they become.

The less pressure they start putting on this baby, and the more engaged they are in their lives, the more they get out of the fear, doubt, and negativity, BOOM! These are women that are getting pregnant naturally, even after failed IVF, these are women who are finally having success with IVF, these are women who are getting pregnant after years of trying all kinds of shit!

And they’re getting pregnant naturally. I mean, like, look, there’s no better modality. You get pregnant, you have your baby, you don’t give two fucks which one. It’s not like natural is better than IVF, okay? Like, hey, we don’t care. All we care about is your healthy, happy baby getting here. But the point is, the more alive you are, the more life force you exude, the more you are like a tractor beam to this baby.

Now, I see positive evidence of this all the time in my ladies. But the other part that you might not be aware of is I also see a lot of the opposite. And you may or may not know this, but to get into my signature 8 week program, The Fearlessly Fertile Method, it’s an interview process. And we talk to a lot, a lot of women.

And sometimes the energy is so heavy. And thick, it’s like the oxygen is being pulled out of the room. There are some that are at such a low frequency that it’s, it’s hard to even have a conversation. Now, I say that with a lot of compassion. I’m not saying that in a judgmental way because, oh man, there were days when I was in that place.

You need to hear this. Because it is so repelling that it’s like, holy crap, if I’m repelling other people, what am I doing to this baby? Like, am I calling this baby in, or is my energy so low that I’m literally repelling them, right? And as women committed to success, we have to be willing to take responsibility for our energy, and for how we are being on this journey.

And if you keep telling yourself, well, this journey is so hard, I can’t change it. Right. How are you ever going to pull up that life force within you give yourself permission to live life so that you get your frequency up and you strengthen your life force. And can ultimately call in this baby, right?

Like, seriously, again, this is not judgment. It is observation. It is priceless observation of the impact that negativity and unlived life can have on your success. I would be remiss if I was not raising this with you. I fucking want you to be successful and I care about you enough. To call this out because you’re not going to call in a baby from that low frequency.

Now they’re, they’re unquestionably part of your, your mindset. Your saboteurs are going to say, well, I mean, crackheads and, and all these people are having babies all the time, but that’s not the challenge in their life. Okay. They’ve got other challenges. Your challenge, if you are listening to this podcast is conceiving and quit comparing yourself to other people because some crackhead and their ability to reproduce has nothing to fucking do with you.

You are living your life, not theirs, okay? So, check yourselves, mamas. Please. Look, I had to do this myself, okay? And, and I had never heard it said in this way. The most damaging thing to a child is a parent with an unlived life. But it rings true. It really does. So, I really encourage you, so all of this is to say, Go fucking be alive in your life.

This is not a nice to have. Go have joy. Go be with people. Don’t let what is happening, your current set of circumstances on this journey, Rob you of your ability to experience joy, seek joyful experiences, be with joyful people, consume joyful media, consume joyful music, go live your life, go do five amazing things this week.

Okay, you want to take what I’m teaching you here and sharing with you to the next level? I challenge you, go do five amazing shit things this week. Okay? Challenge yourself. Notice how your energy goes up. Because the more alive you are in your life, the more you open your heart up to this child. And most importantly, you will give yourself tangible evidence to be able to teach them to live a well lived life.

Because Only people that are short sighted are going to be thinking about just getting pregnant. Okay, you got to think smarter than that. You got to think about staying pregnant, and you got to think about the kind of mom you want to be. Do you really want to pass your misery on to this child? Or do you want to give them the gift of a very happy mom?

A mom that knows what it’s like to live her life, to pursue her dreams, to be the woman she always wanted to be. This isn’t about perfection, because we’re going to fuck shit up left and right. But when you do it with a spirit of love, you’re not actually fucking shit up, right? You’re showing your kid it’s, it isn’t tragic to make a mistake, that life is all about things not necessarily always working out, but the resilience you develop along the way to move past your quote unquote mistakes, to become better, to grow, to learn, and, and to really have adventure in your life and have wonderful experiences.

It’s one of the most beautiful gifts you’ll ever give to this baby. And you know what? You’ve got to be a good steward of this miracle. And I honestly believe that the more we wake up in our lives, and the more we begin to appreciate our lives, and the responsibility that we have as women on this journey to be good stewards of these babies that come to us.

We owe it to them. We owe it to this child that, that works so hard to get to us to show them what life is really like, what it can be, what joy looks like, what pursuing a, a purposeful career is like, to show them what it’s like to be in love. With your partner, to eat good food, to go to great places, to serve others.

Your responsibility to this child requires you to go fucking live your life. And just notice what happens when you do. Rant over. Listen to this a few times, my loves. Really give yourself a chance to take this in. And I know that this is probably going to make you, at times, a little uncomfortable, but good, good.

I want this to be an incredibly successful year for you, okay? And, and when you drop the judgment, and you allow yourself to really live It will be. Live a life now that’ll make your kids proud. They’ll be so glad that you’re their mom. And if you want my help getting there, my Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases, mind and body.

I work with women who are committed to success, no excuses baby, to apply for your interview for this program. Go to my website www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodology has help women around the world make their mom dreams come true from 28 to 52 baby. And we had 75 pregnancies in 2022.

So you wanna get on this bandwagon? And be amongst the women who beat the odds till next time. Change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the fearlessly fertile podcast. Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you when it comes to your dreams.

Keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.