EP205 Do You Want To Be Fertile or “Right?”

Is the need to be “right” on this journey negatively impacting your fertility? In this episode we explore how the need to be right can keep you from the golden ring of being fertile. Learn WHAT you need to know in order to prevent this insidious kind of self-sabotage. Can’t say Mama didn’t warn you.

Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43. Despite years of fertility treatment failure, I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey. Just like I did get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine, badassery, and loads of hell. Yes.

For your fertility journey. It’s time to get fearless, baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 205. Do you want to be fertile or do you want to be right? Hey loves, I have a big idea that I want to share with you this week. I’m going to keep this short and simple because what’s important is that you start kicking this idea around and see how it’s playing out in your life.

Because I am 100 percent certain it is, if you’re willing to drop the judgment and see it. And I’m sharing it with you because I want you to be fucking successful this year. And frankly, any time you put your mind to something from here on out, if you are fearful and want to be confident, if you are frustrated, And want to move past what’s blocking you on this journey and if you want to stop agonizing over if this baby is coming and focus instead on when this baby’s coming, listen up, do you want to be fertile or do you want to be right?

I’m going to explain what I mean by this in just a moment, but before I do that, I want to tell you why what I’m sharing with you today matters. When you focus more on being fertile than being right, you’re going to open up opportunities and chances for yourself to get and stay pregnant that you would not have otherwise considered.

You will do things you told yourself was impossible. You will position yourself to beat the odds. It’s pretty cool, right? That’s a massive upside to focusing on being fertile instead of being right. When you get your focus right, you can leap tall buildings in a single bound instead of circling the drain and scouring the internet at 3am trying to figure out why you aren’t getting pregnant.

If you want better than that garbage, I hope I have your attention. You see, sometimes we get so committed to our negative stories that we’d rather hold on to them than do what it actually takes to be successful on this journey. Let me say that again. Sometimes we get so committed to our negative stories, we are so committed to that that we’re focused on the negative stories instead of doing what it takes to be successful.

It sounds crazy, but it’s true. It’s a way of feeling safe and secure. It’s like clinging to the side of a sinking ship because you’re too afraid to swim over to a perfectly good life raft. Huh? You know the smart thing to do is swim over to the fucking raft, but you’re afraid of what’s gonna happen when you let go, so instead of letting go and swimming your happy ass over to the life raft, you cling.

I see perfectly wonderful and intelligent women. They know that if they keep focusing on the statistics, they will become one. Not the outlier that they actually want to be. But the comfort they get from the false sense of security in being right is too intoxicating for them to leap in the moment. Until, of course, they get their ass kicked by this journey a few more times, then maybe they might do something different.

Here’s an interesting twist. Sometimes, we hold on to the story, so we can be right, in order to have the perfect excuse for not going farther. Ooooooh, Nelly! Let me say that again, because I want you to wrap your head around this. Okay, this is some sneaky, deep shit that we do if we are not conscious in our lives, and if we are not taking care, our mindset, if we just allow ourselves to go on fucking autopilot.

This is how we find ourselves in a ditch, three, four years deep on this journey, and then wondering why our results are no different than when we started. Sometimes we hold on to the story, so we can be right, in order to have the perfect excuse for not going farther. It’s the perfect, bulletproof excuse for giving up on yourself, so you don’t have to explain to those around you why you gave up on this baby.

It’s a twisted justification for why you abandon yourself and your dream. It goes something like this. Well, they told us we only had a 10 percent chance of succeeding, and those are terrible odds, so we just gave up. Boom! You’ve got your excuse. Instead of being the woman who says I’ll take those odds because I ain’t leavin without my baby and 10 percent means shit’s still possible.

So hook a sister up, doc. Hook me up. I’ll take that 10%. You see the difference? You see, there, there may be part of you right now. That just wants to find the perfect excuse to give up on yourself, okay? And I’m not saying that from a place of judgment. I’m saying that because I was fucking there, alright?

There were so many times on my journey that I was like, Oh, you know what? Maybe the doctors are right. Maybe, maybe I am silly for not wanting to consider donor eggs. Even though it just wasn’t right for me, right? Got no judgment on it. It just wasn’t right for me. I just wasn’t feeling it. I didn’t feel the call in my heart.

I There were so many times I was just like, well, you know, maybe they’re right, maybe I am too old. And those were providing me with perfectly reasonable, neat, clean, tidy, wrapped in a beautiful bow, excuses for giving up on myself. Those ideas crossed my mind more than a few times. Because the reasonable thing, in my case, would have been to give up.

Because I was well over 40 at that point. I was well over 40. And the weak part of me could have won. The part of me that just wanted to stop fighting, just wanted to take the easy route, could have robbed me of my son. This is why I’m sharing this with you. We all do this. We all fucking do this. I don’t care how Type A, high achieving you think you are.

Everybody loves to tuck in that secret squirrel excuse. That we can just tuck into our back pocket and use it to back up off our dream. I mean, trust me, I fucking hear that shit all the time when a woman tells me, Oh, I gotta go talk to my husband because that’s just how we make decisions. We consult each other if it’s something over 500.

Oh my god, it’s one of the weakest weak shit excuses ever. It’s like, how old are you? You’re able to go out and earn it, but you need a man’s permission to go and invest it? Come on, it’s just a backup excuse and we all know it. And here’s the deal, if you don’t like me saying that, it’s cause you know it’s true and you’re caught!

And I say it because I love you, I used to pull that shit too, okay? Because I wasn’t willing to stand in my power, right? Like, we all know that shit is, it’s bullshit. So I’m giving you that very real life and relatable example because this is how we give up on ourselves. And the funny thing is, is we end up trying to blame other people for us giving up on ourselves.

Oh, my husband won’t go for that. Oh, my partner won’t go for that. No, that’s not actually true. You’re full of shit right now. You’re just not willing to go stand up for what you want. Okay. This is massive. Once you start outing that super secret squirrel tuck in your back pocket excuse, you start living a different existence.

You start living in existence based on truth and it changes your world. And most importantly, you start getting the fuck out of your own way. Trust me on this. Like. After doing this for as long as I’ve done this, you can tell when this shit is piled high and dry. Now, I want you to consider this from your perspective.

Where are you punking out on yourself? Where are you holding on to a story so you can be right, in order to have the perfect excuse for not going farther? Okay? I’m telling you, love, that shit almost got me. And I don’t want it to get you. So now that I’ve explained this concept, Of do you want to be fertile?

And when I say that, I mean, do you want to actually be the woman that instead of focusing on being right and focusing on Justifying your limiting stories if you want to be the woman That figures this shit out and finds a way to be fertile and uses her precious energy on finding solutions Instead of just leaning back on the excuse Here’s what you got to know.

And I’m going to give you three bullet points for what you need to know now in order to begin having the awareness to help you move past this. So number one, again, we all do this at some level or another. So the first step is identify the degree to which you are doing this now. And I caution you, please.

Be very fucking honest. And this isn’t about making you wrong. It’s about the awareness that you gain by your honesty. If you get even slightly pissed at me for raising this topic, or you get self righteous, this is ridiculous, Roseanne. Nobody would do this intentionally. That’s a surefire indicator that you are doing it faux show.

So the first thing you need to know right now is you’ve got to identify the degree to which you are engaging in this behavior. Okay. And you may only be doing it in certain places. Some listening to this may find it showing up in many different places in your life. So where are you doing it? Are you doing it when a big decision comes up?

Are you doing it when you’ve got to spend money on this journey or make investments on this journey? Are you doing it instead of telling your partner what you really want? To what degree this first thing that I want you to hold on to is the degree to which you are doing this right now. Just identify the degree.

The second thing that you’ve got to know is you’ve got to identify exactly how you are doing it. So the first step was identify the degree to which you are doing this and engaging in this behavior right now. The second is identify exactly how you’re doing it. Okay. You can use some of the examples that I gave.

Right? Are you doing it when it comes to money? Are you doing it when it comes to time? Are you doing it when it comes to your family and not telling them the truth about the support you need? How are you doing it? Right? Because, let’s say it has to do with your family, because you could be saying, Ah, see, I told you, you know, my family’s not supportive.

You know what? I’m just, They’re right, I am the black sheep of this family, and I should just give up on this. Can’t I see the writing on the wall? I’m 40 years old, I should have had a baby when I was 25, but I was greedy. You know what? This is just what I get. Can you see how that would fuck with your head?

Can you see how that would rob you of your dream? So, just identify how you are doing this right now. Are you quietly telling yourself your partner won’t go for something when you haven’t actually told them what you really want so you aren’t really even giving them a chance to be on your side? The stuff is sneaky, woman!

Now, the third bullet point I have for you and the thing that I want you to consider is Hey! You’ve gotta be honest about what this is costing you. I’m serious. What is it costing you to be right? See, I told you it was only a 10 percent chance. See, I told you my family wouldn’t approve. See, I told you my partner wasn’t gonna go for this.

There’s a whiny bitch inside of you right now that wants you to fail and says dumb shit like, See, I told you the odds were against us. The docs said we only had a 10 percent chance. You’d be crazy to go for it. Letting that bitch of a saboteur win the day means that 5 years from now, when you are 5 years older, 5 years deeper into this journey, or 5 years post giving up on yourself, that 10 percent that you balked at is going to look mighty fine compared to the 1 percent and your doctor telling you to adopt.

Okay? By that point, 5 years deep, you may hear scary numbers like 1 percent and maybe you should just adopt. Do you feel me on this? Seriously, what is it costing you to listen to that whiny bitch inside of you that we all have telling you that this mindset shit is just hocus pocus, yet you see women from all over the world appearing on my podcast telling you how it changed everything for them.

How’s that working out for you? The price you pay, my love, and what’s at risk is being left behind. Focusing on being right instead of what it will take for you to be fertile under your circumstances. Not paying enough attention to that is a recipe for regret. Think of all the leaps you aren’t taking right now that could quantum leap you into having this baby.

You’ve got to focus on being fertile. Fuck being right. You don’t want to be right about anything except that you are fertile. So anything that distracts you from thinking about what’s going to move you forward Instead of being right about the fucking statistics is a distraction, okay? Like, focus on being fertile, fuck being right.

Think about how if you had your mind right, all the opportunities you’d see, and possibly take that could put a baby in your arms or in your belly by this time next year, okay, that’s what you gain by focusing on being fertile instead of focusing on being right about all the reasons why you can’t do this!

This is a fuckin fact! Ask yourself, my love, do you want to be fertile, or do you want to be right? The choice is yours. Can’t say mama doesn’t love you enough to raise this topic. I gave you three powerful pieces of information to work with in this episode. Use them wisely. Want my help on fucking this self sabotage pattern on your journey?

My Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes! To covering their bases, mind and body. So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret. I work with women who are committed to success. To apply for your interview, for this and other programs, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodologies help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, baby, you gotta keep a hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit. Set you up for success.

Till next time, change your mindset. Change your results. Love this episode of The Fearlessly Fertile Podcast. Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.