EP209 Grit = Gold On The Fertility Journey: Somaya’s Story

Do you have the grit to endure 3 ectopic pregnancies, miscarriage, and a battle with your self-sabotage pattern? Former London lawyer, turned legal recruitment maven extraordinaire, and Miracle Mama Somaya did! Learn how this gorgeous, big hearted, legal eagle turned her pain into power. Somaya is living proof that a strong mindset + commitment = gold on this journey…and beyond. Let her inspire you to dig deeper, go farther, AND beat the odds!

Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43. Despite years of fertility treatment failure, I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey. Just like I did get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine, badassery, and loads of hell. Yes.

For your fertility journey. It’s time to get fearless, baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile podcast, episode 209. Grit equals gold on the fertility journey. Samaya’s story. Oh, my loves. My loves. Ah, I gotta tell ya. The interview that you’re gonna be hearing today is one that I have just been dancing a jig to share with you because, look, I know.

I’ll never get tired of bragging to you about my ladies, and that’s because my ladies are as much of an inspiration to me as they are to you. Yes, I’m on the other side of my journey, but it never ceases to amaze and fascinate me how powerful we can become when we make a decision to be different. And when we have the humility to say, okay, something’s not working here.

And you know what? It might be me, and the way that I see me, it might be fuckin my mindset. You know what I mean? It might be my fuckin mindset. And, and get this, look, when Samaya gets into her story, you’re gonna hear she endured three ectopic pregnancies, repeated miscarriage, and found herself in a situation where she was having to run all over London to try to find people that would support her.

And, and she was also working against Mindset blocks about wanting too much. Maybe she was greedy. I mean, like, all kinds of stuff. Think about this, mama. Think about this as you listen to this. Think about the grit it takes to overcome all of that crazy shit. Three ectopic pregnancies, repeated miscarriage, and fucking self doubt.

And on top of that, being one of the top people in London when it comes to legal recruiting. I mean, She’s a gangster. As you will hear, Samaya’s a gangster. So like, think about the kind of humility and love of the dream you have to have in order to say, you know what, I need help. Think about that. She didn’t just rest on her laurels thinking, Well, I mean, I’ll just use what made me successful and lost.

What Samaya did was recognize that this was a different challenge and you’ll see this in every single one of the women that appear on this podcast. It doesn’t matter how many letters come after their names. These are women that recognize this is a different skill set. That if they want to win on this journey, yes, it’s awesome that they have all of these different skills to build on, but this is different.

They have to learn to think, believe, and take action in an entirely different way. And they love their dream of being a mom enough to grow. That’s the other thing that you’re going to see consistently with all of these women is a commitment to growth. They’re not just waiting to become moms to figure out their growth.

They are committed now because they want to be their very best. In other words, they choose being the best mom they can possibly be before, during, and after their pregnancy over their fear. Think about what I just said, because if you go back and you listen to every single woman that appears on this podcast, you will see that.

You will see a very clear through line in every single one of them. They stopped making excuses. They made a decision to be better. And by doing so, they have effectively changed their family tree. They will not be passing on that burden and that yoke. Of fear, negativity and doubt to their Children and they are going to be showing their Children.

By example, what is possible for them? And I really hope you take that lesson. I mean, we have created a powerful journal page that you can download. It’s, the link is in the show notes for this episode. It’s also in all over my social media. You can click to download that journal page so that you can be listening carefully to the lessons that Samaya is going to be sharing.

Because she overcame so many things to be where she is today and I know for a fact that she would say that if she did it, so can you. But it begins with your decision. It begins with you choosing your growth over your fear and committing to be the woman that you say you want to be. So that being said Here is my conversation with the gorgeous, the amazing, and the truly inspirational, Samaya.

Can you believe we’re having this conversation? I know. Isn’t it nuts? Yeah, it really is. It really is like for so much of the coaching last year, I remember like I’d be driving my car and I’d be literally imagining this happening and like manifesting it and I’d be imagining all the things I’d want to be saying to you.

Well, let’s dig in because look, this is your story. So, so why don’t you start us off by sharing a little bit about who you are and how we met. So who am I? So I live in London, born and bred in London. Well, actually born in England and have been in London for like donkey’s years. I am a former lawyer and I now run and I own a executive search firm.

So I specialize in moving and I, you know, basically head hunting, you know, lawyers in the city. I started that when I was four months pregnant with my first son. So I have two children. That’s that always sounds so. Surreal to say, I’m really, really good. So I have two sons, one is five and the other is 15 weeks old.

We were introduced through a friend, well, she’s, she’s now become a friend, but she was a, she was a business contact at the time, Suzanne Johnston, who you worked with. And I remember there was a point when, you know, I just sort of thought I’ve absolutely hit a brick wall. And she sent me the podcast recording that she did with you.

And I was sitting in the bath in the usual sort of pity party, Sunday evening shitness of thinking, you know, I’m never going to have another child. I’m totally doomed. This is all a complete mess. There is nothing I haven’t tried. Like, I’m really upset. My son’s never going to have a sibling. And she sent me this podcast recording and I thought, okay, another one of these recordings.

Let me just listen. And it was like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like it hit the spot. Every single word, it was just like, Oh my God, that’s what I think. Oh my God, that’s what I do. Oh my God, that’s what I’ve been trying to say. And, uh, I said, you know, who is this woman? Can you, can you tell me who she is? And she said, she’s Roseanne.

She’s Roseanne Austin. And she was my fertility coach. And I was like, yeah, fertility coach. I mean, they’re going to be like coaching us to wipe our ass soon. Like, forgive me for being really cynical. And I was just like, yeah, this, this isn’t, that’s not going to be for me. And anyway, I thought, you know what?

Like there is nothing I have not tried basically from, you know, and I know everybody sort of takes the piss when they come on here and they talk about the kind of vaginal steams and the moxibustion, combustion, whatever it’s called and the herbs and the supplements and everything. And I was there, so I thought, well, let me try this.

And then we, you and I had a conversation and I thought she’s just way too American for me. And which is just an awful thing to think. And actually I’ve learned not to be so judgmental through this process. judgmental on myself and on, you know, things that I don’t necessarily always understand or that are new to me.

And then you mentioned group coaching and I was like, Oh, group coaching. I mean, you know, that’s just not, imagine talking about all this really intimate, personal stuff with like random people. I don’t know. And we’re not even in the same room. That would be a disaster. And so I was like, okay, yeah, let me think it through.

And then. Actually, I don’t, I don’t know what it was, Roseanne, because in my head I was like, I’m not doing it. It’s not going to work. It’s not for me. And something just made my heart go, do it, click that link. You’re going to be making a big mistake if you don’t, you’re going to have a big regret if you don’t.

And you know, to this day, I think it’s one of the best things I have ever done for myself, you know? And you often said like in the coaching that. It’s not just about, you know, this is, this process isn’t just going to be about having a baby and staying pregnant, but it’s going to be, you know, you’re going to change the way you do everything.

And it, and it’s so true. And I mean, it just so happened that, you know, when we were going through that process, I was in the midst of a massive home renovation and. You know, I think because of you, I kicked serious ass with project managers and builders, interior designers. I mean, there wasn’t anybody that sort of didn’t get the Roseanne in me.

My husband would be like, what’s happened to you? It’s like the Roseanne effect, you know? So yeah, so that’s, that’s, that’s how we met. And then we did the group coaching. And then after that, I was like, I’m going to have serious withdrawal symptoms. I don’t think I, you know, I thought you were a bit of a crutch for me at the time.

So it’s like, I need to do the one to one coaching as well. I’ve just got to do it because I don’t want to be alone. And actually he did the, the one to one coaching as well. But yeah, it was, it was, you know, to this day, it’s something that I, I look back on actually so fondly. Well, you know, here’s the thing, it’s a i, I like to look at it as a double blessing.

People come to the point where they are willing to reach out to have space held for them and to be seen, to be heard on this journey. But at the same time, it’s a blessing for me because I get to meet women that I’m like, ah, oh my gosh, I wish I knew you on my own journey. Right? Like, we just. There’s a sisterhood amongst.

It’s a silent sisterhood amongst women like us. Let lovably type a control freaky professionals. We get into this idea that I don’t need help. I’m so capable in every other aspect of my life. Like why the hell am I going to talk to somebody about this? Especially about this, right? So it would be awesome if you.

Just shared a little bit about like, what was the challenge that you were facing? Because at this, at the time that you and I met, you were blessed with one son. And, and I find that fascinating because sometimes it, and I think that this is why your story is going to be so impactful. Because there are some women out there for whom having a second child feels shameful.

Like, I should be happy with what I have. Who am I to want more? So it would be great for you to wrap a taste on that. I definitely had some of those feelings. I think secondary infertility is a real bitch. And you know, I think when people listen to this, they sort of think, well, actually, you know, you’re really lucky to already have a child and, you know, throughout your kind of fertility journey or secondary infertility journey, you’re, you know, it’s punctuated those thoughts.

I think there is that shame and you, it’s really isolating because you don’t, you don’t really fit into the kind of, I can’t conceive club and you don’t fit into the kind of, I’ve got a kid and I’m absolutely fine and I can conceive really easily club. And I remember actually, you know, having feelings of, I think not being able to conceive a second child was even more painful for me because A, because it was so isolating B, because I can, you know, I felt really Guilty and unappreciative and grateful to share those feelings of sadness.

And I felt a huge amount of guilt to my son as well, because I felt like, is he not enough for me? You know, is he not enough? Do I not love him enough? Am I not, you know, am I one of these people that has that kind of sickness where they’re just never content? They’re just, they’re just never happy with the cards that they’ve been dealt.

And It wasn’t until actually you sort of taught me so much about things like, you know, listening on and not listening to the saboteurs in us and, you know, when things are going so well for us, we almost feel like actually we don’t deserve anymore and we’re undeserving of extra. And, you know, I remember you saying that.

You know, I remember you saying once to me something along the lines of, you know, I’ve got to truly believe that a blessing beyond measure is coming. And I remember thinking to myself, well, is that to suggest them? And I don’t think that my son is a blessing already. And actually, you know, the way you got into my head and you unpicked all of that, it was to just see things from a completely different frequency, you know, and to see things with a completely different lens and perspective.

And I think. For me, my journey was sort of, it was a really strange, tumultuous journey. So I’d had two ectopic pregnancies before conceiving my first child. I wasn’t ever trying to conceive at the time I was newly married. You know, it wasn’t on my agenda, fell pregnant, um, discovered it was an ectopic pregnancy.

It was, it was misdiagnosed initially. They thought it was a missed miscarriage. So I actually ended up having a ruptured fallopian tube. So I had emergency surgery, lost my fallopian tube. It was all a bit of a mess. And then it sort of, you know, made me actually, because of that happening, it made me think actually I think I really do want a child and my husband, you know, was really keen at that point as well because what, you know, once we initially thought we were pregnant, we were excited about the idea and then obviously started bleeding, was told it was a miscarriage and thought actually that, that would have been really great even though we’ve only been married a few months.

And then we didn’t try, we just thought, actually let my body heal, let’s see what happened. And then maybe nine or ten months later, I felt pregnant again. We weren’t trying, but it was another ectopic pregnancy. I didn’t know I was pregnant. Had my period. A week later, saw the bleeding. I was like, diding, I know the signs this time.

You know, I’m not going to have it as a missed, missed, missed ectopic. And I remember going to the same hospital in London. It’s a really, really well known hospital in central London. I remember going and. Um, having a blood test to check my HCG levels and The midwife, sorry, one of the, one of the nurses in the, in the early pregnancy unit called me back and she’s like, don’t worry, darling.

It was, you know, basically sort of saying, it’s all in your head, you’re absolutely fine. I understand the trauma from the first day topic has sort of stayed with you and so it’s making you super cautious. And I’m sitting there thinking, yeah, what an idiot, I’ve completely dramatized this and I’m wasting everybody’s time and actually lo and behold, she gave me the wrong patient’s blood test results.

So kind of two quite big cock ups from the same hospital in quite a, you know, in less than 12 months, really. And it was only because I went back again and I was like, no, something’s wrong. I’ve got a really sharp pain. I’m not feeling well. I’m bleeding a lot. Like there’s something’s wrong and I want you to, to, to scan me and, and follow up.

And they admitted me to hospital for four days. And. But they had sort of like one of the leading consultants at the hospital, sort of, who’s kind of world renowned, looking after me, because I think they were so paranoid about it. And I wish at that time I’d learned, or I knew, I knew everything I’d learned from you about not being intimidated by these people in white coats.

And truly understanding that they’re not God, you know, and I think that was one of the really unique things about kind of the coaching is that I was a bit cynical in the beginning because I am, you know, I’m religious, I’m a practicing Muslim. And for me, I, you know, I do hold a lot to faith and I, you know, I really have my faith in God.

And so I sort of thought, you’re not really going to understand where I’m coming from, but actually, A, you did. You know, being a person of deep faith yourself, and actually you really taught me that kind of affirmation of faith. But B, the way you went about it, you know, that your Gus concept of God, universe, source, you know, whatever that might be for you, it was, was really eyeopening.

And I wish at that time I could sort of remember, or I knew sort of how to manage these people who were managing me. Anyway, so it transpired that it was another ectopic pregnancy. It resolved itself and I basically was like, I never want to get pregnant ever again. I’m going to do everything in my power not to.

And then literally almost a year later to the day I felt pregnant again. And my period was a few days late and I thought, Oh, actually, you know, what is this? And we just got back from holiday. It was really hot. We just got back from Marrakesh. And I remember thinking. It was about three days later and I think, oh, it must be because the climate’s changed, you know, it’s all different and that was when, you know, I found out I was pregnant with my son and I didn’t tell my husband until I was, I think, eight weeks pregnant because I was just so terrified, you know, that trauma stays with you and actually, I think from there.

It all just started to become a very, very traumatic, stressful, ugly situation where there was loads of unprocessed grief. I think that, you know, you also fall into this kind of mindset of victimhood. I think I began to sort of tap out actually, um, I didn’t have a stressful pregnancy. It was a really uneventful pregnancy.

It was absolutely fine. I was very healthy. Baby was very healthy. I had a really good labor, you know, a natural. For me, what I, you know, what was, what was sort of part of my birth plan was a good, healthy vaginal delivery, all fine. And then when my son was 12 months old, I had another ectopic pregnancy and I was like, fuck sake, these things, they are haunting me.

Like what, you know, what is going on? I’m not, you know, why does this keep happening? And, and, and that really was again, another blow because I just seemed to like, I’m fine. I’ve had another baby and I’ve had a baby. I’m fine. My body can do it. I trust myself now. It’s never going to happen again. And it did happen again.

And then I, then the year later had. Another miscarriage. It wasn’t an ectopic this time of the year after that I had a miscarriage. So effectively I sort of looked back and I was thinking I’ve been pregnant every year of my life for like the last seven years and I’ve got, you know, one baby to show for it.

What’s going on? You know, again, because I hadn’t quite understood how to manage the process, manage the people involved with that process. You know, you talk all the time about your bump squad. I had no notion of that. I didn’t understand how to, you know, how to configure that. You know, you’d listen to a lot of naysayers.

There are lots of people who come at you with that toxic positivity, but it’s okay. You’ve got a son, you know, be grateful for that. There’s people out there that don’t even have that, you know, and it’s, it’s that settling mindset. You know, you, what I think I learned was that you cannot settle. If that’s not what you want, if your heart is calling at you for.

Something, don’t, don’t stop there. And I, I remember listening to that first episode that Suzanne and her husband were on. And I remember you saying, I think at the, in one of the, uh, the intro or the outro, this program is for women that want to be pregnant in the next 12 months. And I’ve never heard anybody put it like that before.

And I was like, boom, there you are. She’s my girl. Like she gets it, like that’s exactly bucking it, you know, and I remember when I went to speak to a fertility doctor, he basically said exactly the same thing. He was like looking at your results, et cetera, et cetera, you know, you’ll, you will be, you’ll have a baby in 12 months, you know, and it’s knowing how to, I think one of the really key things is even though it’s a really awful journey and when you’re in the trenches of infertility, like it’s so all consuming and.

You know, like it’s, it’s, it’s so destructive, like it’s, it’s destructive to you, to people around you, to your relationships, to, you know, it’s, it’s really, really ugly and it’s also quite invisible and you start to sort of almost see in yourself kind of personality traits that you’ve never had, you know, jealousy, envy, you know, someone announces a pregnancy, you want to be truly happy for them and you genuinely are.

But there’s a part of you that’s like, well, what about me? When’s mine coming? And, you know, when you taught me and you taught us all to stay in your own lane, you know, you can apply that to everything, you know, and it, you know, I, I don’t use social media for that very reason. I’m not interested in what you’re doing.

I’m, you know, it’s, I am in my own lane and this is, you know, this is about what, what I want to achieve. And I think you, you know, you really taught us to praise things that go wrong. And I think even though, you know, when, when I, you know, that Jenny was a really, really hard journey, I would, I wouldn’t take it back.

I would do it all again, you know, because it’s changed who I am. And it’s, it’s, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s genuinely, it sounds really cliche, but you know, when I’m up with my baby at three in the morning and he wants to have a party, it’s like, well, actually I’m really tired and I’ve got shit load to do in the morning, but I’m going to love this moment because it’s what I worked so damn hard for, you know.

Yeah, I mean, and I think your story is so compelling because three ectopic pregnancy. I mean, like most people would run in the other direction and then miscarriages on top of that. Like you had to be really clear in your heart at some point that you wanted this and that you were willing to become the woman that got it.

Exactly that. Yeah. Yeah. And on top of that, actually, it was sort of, I would say almost 20 months of trying to conceive and then nothing happening, nothing happening at all. And I’m like, okay, shit, like, have we turned a different corner now that’s actually, you know, it’s kind of layer upon layer of problems.

And, you know, I, I remember you saying so vividly, you know, be that woman, you know, be that woman that goes and gets hers. And, you know, I, I, I thought to myself, well, actually all the things that make me successful in what I do and have reached the stage of life that I have, you know, I’ve got to draw upon all of those resources to get me through this challenge now, you know, and I listened to one of your podcasts recently where, and I remember using this all the time when I was in that sort of pity party of, you know, like, yeah, People on, you know, with very serious type A drug addictions conceive and deliver very healthy babies all of the time.

And you said in one of your podcasts, you know, a crack addict, that’s her challenge, but she can have a baby and she can carry a baby, but the drugs is her challenge. And it’s so true, you know, I don’t have a drug addiction, but my challenge was, you know, fertility or infertility or, you know, whatever you want to call it.

And I think, again, it’s about that kind of staying, staying in your own lane. And then there’s the. Then there’s all of the fears and apprehensions of okay, well I’m going to start these investigations and all of these tests and what if I’m just throwing good money after bad and it’s, you know, it’s what you taught us about that lack of scarcity.

I mean, like, that’s mind blowing and I see it in so many people now. Like, I see it in so many people and I think myself coming from a background of, you know, sort of working class immigrant parents as a first, you know, first generation, as a first generation individual, like you see that lack and scarcity mindset and it’s really crippling.

Like it’s, you know, and I, and, and, you know, when you talk about kind of your achievements and what you have or what you want or what you want to buy or what you’ve just bought and, you know, before I’d be like, that’s really crass. You know, don’t, don’t talk about you just bought yourself a really nice handbag that’s showing off, you know, and actually.

It depends how you pitch it, but it’s not, you know, like you’re what you taught me and you’re thinking like, I remember thinking when I have this baby, when I finally get pregnant and I have this second baby, I’m going to go out there. I want to buy myself the nicest piece of jewelry. I don’t need no present for my husband, but I will go and get mine myself.

I’ll go and buy myself a nice piece of jewelry. And if I thought, you know what, fuck that, I’m going to go buy myself a car. I’m going to go and buy myself something that I really, really want that I’ll enjoy, but I’ll put my children in and I’ll drive them around and I’ll say, mommy bought this, you know, for as her pat on the back for you guys.

And I think that, you know, that lack and scarcity mindset is so much, it’s so prevalent in the kind of the infertility on the infertility journey. Yeah, and it’s heartbreaking and that’s why I hammer on it so much because lack and scarcity obviously isn’t just about money. It’s about time. It’s about opportunity.

It’s most tragically about love, right? And we get into this idea that there’s only so many babies and if I have one, I can’t possibly have another and, and all of these other things and, and the, the real harm that we do to ourselves when it comes to lack and scarcity is completely silenced truth. There is no lack.

There is no scarcity. There’s abundance all around. But when we get really siloed into that place where I don’t want to throw good money after bad, it’s as, I mean, it’s like money is the one renewable resource that we have. There’s always more ways to make it, but you have to get out of that victim mentality, which is what you were zeroing in on.

But what’s compelling to me about this is you are the last person Right. Like you were the last person who would’ve ever seen herself as carrying any victimhood around. I know. It was true for me. If somebody told me I was acting victimy, I would’ve been like, get outta here with exactly that, because I’m no victim.

But it’s deeper than that. It’s a mindset. So how was that for you to tackle that? Because there’s no way anyone would see you on the street, and for even a second think victim. You know, I had four years. Thought that infertility was, and, and I, I wanna be really careful how I say this, because I remember when I was on, you know, and I, I, I still am, you know, on, on the journey.

It could be really patronizing and obnoxious and it could be really dismissing of people’s opinions and feelings. But I have for years, always have and always will believe that this is about mindset. And I’ve had, and I’ve spoken to girlfriends about it and they’d be like, fuck that, it’s bullshit. It’s not true, Samaya, because I’ve done the positive, the negative, the cautious, the, you know, the cautiously optimistic, I’ve done every mindset there is, and it hasn’t got me anywhere.

And actually I have to say that I, I never. understood how to articulate it, but I knew it was all up here. Like I knew. And I had, you know, and you sit in front of doctors and you sort of say, look, actually, I think the way you’re delivering that to me is not very good for my mindset. Like I’m going to leave this meeting now.

And I think it’s going to really impact what I’m going to be able to do going forward. And they’d be like, well, no, you know, it is what it is. And the way you unpicked things in my brain was just, I mean, it was just. Phenomenal. Like I used to say to you on the coaching was like, I just want to pick you up and keep you in my pocket and take you out every time I have a question or a fear or a concern.

And, you know, during the coaching, you know, I’d send you voice notes and I just wait there waiting, waiting for you, you to come back because I just knew those nuggets of wisdom would just carry me through. And. It 100 percent was about mindset because you’re right, like, I’m not a victim. I’m an absolute doer.

Like, if there is a problem, I’ll find a solution and I will use all of my resources to find the answer. But actually, in this situation, I could not appreciate that, that, that negative, that, that negative cognitive stew in my head was basically not enabling me to receive my baby. And you used to say that.

You used to say, you know, you have to get your head and yourself and your life in a place. You Are you ready to receive that baby in, you know, in your books and in the coaching, you talk about any relationships and, and actually where you are on your life’s journey. And if, if the only thing that you think is going to fix you is this baby, there ain’t no baby that wants to come into that.

Like it wasn’t ugly environment. You know, how much pressure are you putting on your baby in that scenario? And I look at him now and I think You know, I can understand why years before you didn’t want to come, you know, I was obsessed with this, you know, I couldn’t appreciate everything else. I was just, I was just, if I could just have this second child and actually it wasn’t until, you know, everything I sort of got to a point.

Where I was at peace with everything and I was trusting in the process and I truly in my heart’s apart believed he would, he was, he or she was coming. And I remember I woke up one morning sort of five or six o’clock and it sounds really voodoo, airy, fairy nonsense, but I was sort of thinking it’d be great if I had a little girl.

And the reason why it would be great if I have a little girl, because I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have another baby. So I’m two might be my lot. And. So if you have a girl, you kind of tip its boxes. It is a really silly way of thinking. And I remember one morning just waking, waking up and thinking, I’m pregnant and it’s a boy.

And I felt him come to me last night. I remember vividly thinking to myself, he came to me last night. I received him last night. And I’m not, you know, conception. I’m talking, you know, I’m talking that, that, that was when I felt, you know, his presence and I was pregnant at that point and I was probably a few weeks pregnant, but I, I knew it.

I knew it was a boy all along. And then we had our 20 week scan and my husband was like, so what is it? What is it? And they were like, and I said, it’s, it’s a boy. And they were like, she’s right. It’s a boy, you know? And I think. When that mindset changes, like you just know, you know, when you truly and authentically get to that place and you do the work, you just know.

And I was absolutely religious about it. Like I listened to every podcast, whether I was driving, walking home, doing my makeup. You know, I did all the homework that you set because I was like, if I really want this as much as I say, I do, I’m going to give this everything I’ve got. And in the same way, I apply that energy to my professional life, my friendships, my relationships.

I’m going to do it for this baby. And You know, I, I gave it hell to leather. And I think you once described me in a, in a coaching call decision is to me, you’re, you’re coming to this like Elvis, you know, you’re, you’re doing everything that you need to be doing. What are you worrying about? But yeah, it was, you know, it truly was like life changing.

Yeah. Well, and I, when I look and when I remember you from the very first conversation, because I don’t know if it’s years in the courtroom that made me like solidify, like, you know, I kind of make this mental visual. And I remember, you know, when I think about the woman you were, when we had that very first conversation to today, I mean, you were always bad ass, like that’s obvious, but there was a piece that came over you that was.

It’s stunning. It’s this knowing it’s it’s also putting yourself first really. Because I think that you finally made it okay for you to want what you wanted. And, and you drop the judgment, as you had said at the very beginning, there were so many areas where you dropped the judgment and now you’re free.

Now you’re reaping the benefits of that. And, and, you know, I think it’s also about, you know, when you drop the judgment to allow yourself to be a bit vulnerable and allow yourself to, as you, you know, used to describe it kind of fall more into your feminine. And I think. A lot of women who are, you know, high achievers and, and, you know, sort of very kind of, you know, tunnel vision focused, you know, I’m going to target vision.

This is what I want. This is what I’m going to get. And they get there. I think one of the problems with that, though, is that we don’t know how to ask for help when we need it. And it’s seen as a sign of weakness when, in fact, I now look upon, you know, with, with retrospect, I look on that journey with immense gratitude because I think actually it took enormous strength.

To come to a place in my journey where I thought actually enough’s enough. I can’t do this on my own anymore. It’s not working. I need some help and I need some support and you know, I can’t keep doing the same shit the same way expecting different results. Like nothing is going to change. Right, right.

And you know, it’s fascinating that we as professionals, we would call in experts. to do areas of expertise that we’re unfamiliar with. You know, back when I was a prosecutor, I’d bring in a DNA consultant, I’d bring in, you know, a jury consultant, all, you know, these different resources that, you know, were very specific areas of expertise.

It’s funny how we torment ourselves into not doing that here. It’s so true and, you know, it’s amazing as well how naive and ignorant we can be in that I remember seeing, you know, my consultant for years and actually another consultant and, you know, it took me maybe four or five years to realize they’re not even fucking fertility doctors.

The gynecologists and obstetricians who don’t know, you know, they can tell you how to stay safe and healthily pregnant and deliver your baby, but they don’t really in their, in their case, they didn’t really know anything specific about how to get pregnant. You know, and, and also I think, you know, it’s learning how to navigate that journey with the right language and confidence as well, because again, you know, I can go into a pitch.

And be authentically confident and be pretty sure I’ll, you know, I’ll, I’ll seal the deal and I’ll name it. But I would go into these meetings and I would be really apprehensive about what they were going to tell me and, um, how I’d have to go, you know, go along with what they say. And I remember, I think it was about three or four coaching calls with you by that point.

And I had a meeting with. This new fertility doctor and he said, he said something and I said, stop, this is all a red herring. The egg topics is it’s all a red herring. Like we’re going down, you know, a rabbit hole, but we shouldn’t be going down. I want you to run these tests and I want you to do X, Y, Z.

And he said, you know, this is someone who’s one of the most infamous fertility doctors in London, and he’s been doing it for maybe 40 years. You know, he’s pioneered loads of different types of treatment. And he said, yeah, you actually are thinking about it. You’ve got a point. Let’s do it. And, you know, thank God I did, you know, because that it was, you know, it was those, those results, which were, you know, it was transformational in what happened thereafter.

But it’s, you know, it took me ages to do that. I remember, you know, I initially sort of challenged doctors and I’d have my husband sort of being like, you’re being really rude. Don’t be so confrontational. Why are you challenging them for, you know, why, why are you not a doctor? Who do you think you are?

You’ve read a few articles and you’ve listened to a few podcasts. And actually, you know, it’s. Again, that’s such an important thing because you need, you need to feel like on the one hand you sort of want to relinquish that control, don’t you? You just want to get that where you’re like, I’m exasperated, I’m exhausted.

I just need someone to help me now. And on the other hand, you’d still need to feel like, you know, you’re driving in the right direction. You’re, you’re moving the journey in the right direction. And you know, you’d often say you need gumption and you need guts and right. Right. It takes a huge amount to that.

Well, and it’s interesting because your certainty is the one thing, you know, that, that you can change everything. If you’re the most certain person in the room, everyone else is going to take a listen, right? And this is what I tell women all the time, and I’m so glad you acted on it. Because you have just as much of a chance of being right as they do.

They know a little bit more about this, perhaps a lot more about this one thing, but they don’t know you and they don’t know what’s in your heart. They don’t know your drive and you weren’t part of the study. That was conducted decades ago about how this stuff works. So this is really where you gave yourself an edge by being willing.

And it’s not rude, man. Like since when is speaking your mind and, and wanting, because think about it, Samaya, what you’re actually doing is trying to help him do his job. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Since when is that rude, right? So I mean, I think that’s a stunning example of that. Now, I would be remiss if we did not talk about faith here, because as two women who are of deep faith, this can be a really like significant challenge.

This can be a challenge that throws some people off of it and gets, you know, people to ask, well, why would God universe source do this to me, right? How can I trust? Because think about it, Samantha. Your faith is strong, woman, three ectopic pregnancies, miscarriages, 20 months without anything happening, it would have been real easy for you to get mad and drop your faith.

Definitely, I think, but I think then that’s not really faith, is it? I mean, you can’t just be faithful and manifest faith when things are going your way. And, you know, I think, A, I truly believe God. tests those that he loves, you know, and I think with any relationship, whether that be metaphysical or not, I think there are challenges in every relationship we have, whether it be professional, friendships, personal, intimate, you know, whatever it might be relationships ourselves.

So I was fine with those challenges. And, you know, I, I know that God doesn’t, doesn’t burden you with more than you can bear. And so I knew, like, I knew that, you know, God made me a strong woman and this was one of my challenges and I was going to do my very best to navigate that challenge with grace and gratitude.

And for me, it was, you know, it was, it was, I guess it was not having regret. It was seeing the signs, you know, the blessings, seeing the signs and actually again, it sounds a bit silly and a bit, you know, mad, but even things like Suzanne Johnston having come, you know, on my path and having introduced me to you.

I believe all of that is, you know, set up for you by, you know, by whether you believe in the universal God or whatever it might be. Just stumbling across, across Suzanne’s profile on LinkedIn and she was talking about her facility journey and I sent her a message and I just said, you know, wow, you are the first professional woman in the legal field that I have ever seen speak about this publicly.

Like, thank you, thank you, thank you. And I um, denied about sending that and I just thought I could just send it. And I did. And, you know, I’m so glad that, that I did. And I, and I’m so glad that I asked her, you know, for, for your details. And because I thought, okay, I don’t really want her to know that I need somebody, but actually, you know, she showed me her vulnerability.

I’ll show her mine. And I think, you know, God puts different people on our paths for a reason. You have to be able to see it. You have to know when there’s a big risk of you living with regret. I would never want that. You know, I look at some of my girlfriends who have I think they would say by their own admission given up or very close to giving up on their babies and they are consumed with You know, resentment, anger, bitterness, stress, you know, it’s not what their authentic selves want.

It’s not what was in their heart. And I’m not judging them for that, you know, that every everybody’s choices, you know, they’re entitled to make the choices that they want. But I just, just, I just put my trust wholeheartedly in God and I knew that it will come. I just have to help myself get there. Right. I mean, I think that’s so beautifully stated and, you know, it also underscores the fact that we know the truth.

We know the truth. You knew the truth back then that you were going to have another baby deep down, but the fear and the ego gets in the way, like ego edging God out, right? We eliminate the magic because we don’t know the next 75 steps. I mean, you could have. You, it would probably have been very difficult for you to predict exactly how your second son was going to come, but you knew somewhere that he was coming and it’s that kind of leap of faith that gets you to be consistent.

Cause think about it. You didn’t just wake up one day and like. Suddenly I’m at peace. No, you did the work. You were consistent. You asked questions. You showed up. You changed your behaviors. You changed some of the belief systems, especially about lack and scarcity. You deepened your faith. You did all of those things and look at you today.

He’s 15 weeks. And, and, you know, I was, I think I was really, I tried to be like really, really disciplined about it as well. And I say disciplined in that I’ve been trying, you know, I, I did, I cut out gluten, I cut out meat, I cut out sugar. I ate as well as I could. I practiced mindfulness. I practiced, you know, manifesting.

I prayed my ass off. You know, and with every, you know, as a Muslim, I pray five times a day anyway, but I made sure with every prayer I did, I was really sort of, you know, honest with what I want. Like, you know, sometimes it’d be like, you can’t keep for another year asking God for another baby, like no one to give up.

Maybe that’s just not what he wants for you. And actually I was like, no, you know, this is what I want. And, you know, actually it’s, you know, I can ask him for whatever I want and whatever I need. He, you know, he is the almighty. He is, you know, if anyone’s going to give it to me, it’s going to be God. And I think with that, I learned to trust myself more, trust my body more, trust my thinking more, lean into the process a little bit more, trust that vulnerability was okay.

Being more vulnerable actually brought out a really different side to my husband in that he saw a different side to me. And, you know, he was like, we’ll do whatever we need to do. He came to every single appointment, you know, he was there the whole way through. And actually, I think with My second, it was a slightly more eventful pregnancy in that I had quite a bit of bleeding in the beginning and that was because I had a, I can’t even remember if it for the life of me.

I mean, they say baby brain. I mean, it’s so real. I had a subchronic hematoma, which was just like a sack of blood in the, in the uterus when the placenta. you know, attaches itself, it sort of does so with a little bit too much force. And I remember at about six weeks going to bed one night and thinking, actually I’m just going to nip to the loo.

And I went to the loo and I saw blood and I thought, I can’t believe this has happened to me again. You know, and I remember, and I messaged you, and I remember there was a really small part of my brain that sort of, you know, that, that saboteur saying, God tricked you. Like he actually tricked you. And I thought, get that out of your head.

Like, that is so blasphemous. That is so wrong. That is, you know, and, you know, thank God all was fine. But I remember thinking to myself, you know, and driving to the, to the clinic the next day. to see my doctor and have a scan. I’m thinking to myself, this is not good. This is, this is not where I want to be.

And actually I then bled throughout the pregnancy for probably the next sort of, I don’t know, probably the next 10, 12 weeks. And at 16 weeks, I remember we were furniture shopping. And I took my son to the toilet and I thought, and I was, and I just started to sort of the, that I started to see sort of the bleeding subside a little bit.

And I started to lean into the pregnancy a bit more because that’s a whole other thing in itself. I mean, you get pregnant, you get yourself there. And then actually because of the trauma and the fear, and because you have so much invested in this pregnancy, I mean, you’re, you’re as mad as a box of frogs.

Like, I mean, you’ve got your hormones, the fatigue medicines you might be on. I mean, I was definitely, I mean, I was a different person and. It took so much energy to stay positive. It was really hard. And I remember you saying that to me. Actually, it was really, really tough. And I think, I think you’ve written a book about what to do on your pregnancy journey.

And I bloody wish I had that. And it was published during my pregnancy because there was some really hard times. And there was lots of what you described as backsliding. I was backsliding all the time and I was really having to train my brain to be positive. And I remember at 16 weeks, I took my son to the toilet.

And we were, we were, we were shopping for cinema seating. I’ll never forget it. It was really exciting. It was all, you know, we were designing this lovely cinema room and all of this nonsense. And I went to the toilet and I took my son and I thought, I’ll just go to the loo as well. And I went to the loo and I just, I mean, it was a really heavy bleed.

And I was like, this is it. You know, I knew it was all too good. You know, I remember thinking, you know, life is just, I’ve just got too good and you can never trust that it’s going to stay good. Like you have to always be prepared for that heartbreak and that disappointment. Who am I to think, you know, I’m building this wonderful house with a beautiful cinema room with my beautiful child, with my husband beside me and a baby in my tummy.

And actually really I have net what a fool I am. And that’s the ego. That’s me wanting to be right. rather than trust, you know, what was going to happen. And we, we, you know, and, and there’s this real, you used to talk about it a lot. There’s this real trust versus hope and how do you reconcile the two? And, you know, we, we, we had to drop my son off at my mother in law’s and go straight to the hospital.

And. I mean, I was, I mean, I thought I was going to pass out. I was so, you know, and I’m not a hypochondriac. I’m not, you know, the sort of person that sees blood and faints. I’m pretty, you know, I’m pretty stoic like that as, as I suspect, suspect most women listening to this podcast are, but I mean, I thought I’m going to pass out.

I just can’t bear another heartbreak. I just cannot even begin to imagine how I’m going to cope with this. And I think this will be the thing that breaks me this time. You know, this is going to be it. And I will never forget when she, she, you know, she, she put that. Doppler or whatever it is over my tummy.

And she said, it’s a heartbeat. He’s absolutely fine. He’s kicking around in there. He’s as happy as Larry. And I just remember the sense of relief was just like complete euphoria. It was, it was absolutely just, it was mind blowing. And from that point, and I think, you know, if I’m speaking really honestly, I think all of that kind of trauma, it does stay with you and it does stay, you know, trapped in your body.

And it’s, you know, it takes a lot of work. It’s not just, you know, an eight week coaching course or reading a few books, or it’s a lifelong thing that you’ve got to learn. And it was a hard pregnancy for that reason, you know, you know, but actually even, you know, what you taught us even carried me through my birth, you know, it was.

It was, yeah, it was, you know, I remember thinking I’m going to deliver this baby because in my first pregnancy, I had to deliver on my back with my legs up in stirrups and it, you know, hypnobirthing you know, jazzy, hippie shit just says you don’t do that. And so I thought, well, with my second, I don’t want to do that, you know, and I want to deliver him standing up and I did and I sure as hell delivered him standing up.

It was all fine and all well. And, you know, I remember seeing this baby and holding him just thinking. I honestly thought I would never, ever, ever see you. And even now, you know, I, I see my two children playing together or, or, or interacting together. And I see my oldest son, you know, showing just so much love and warmth and gratitude for his little brother.

And I just think I am infinitely grateful to God and I am, you know, I, I am just so indebted to God for these blessings and that’s it. And it’s not just the blessing of the baby, it’s the blessing of showing me how to get there. Yeah. I’m bringing people into my life that enabled me to facilitate that. It was, um, you know, teaching me the patience, the tolerance, the gratitude, the vulnerability that, you know, all of it.

Yeah. I mean, this is, it’s just a stunning testimony on so many levels for so many reasons. You know, I think your point is well taken that, you know, It’s one thing to get pregnant, but it’s another to stay pregnant and also to have the mindset to take you through 40 weeks and a delivery. And you’re absolutely right.

You know, we can be given the tools to get through that, but unless you’re making the conscious decision daily to live that, it’s not going to mean anything. Completely. Completely. And you know, you always used to say hope is not a strategy. And for years I just lived in hope and it’s a bit like kind of burying your head in the sand and hoping for the best and it’s really bizarre because I think the way we approach fertility is so different to the way we approach everything else is sort of, you know, that, as you say, lovable type A.

You know, if I wanted to, you know, achieve something professionally, I wouldn’t rely on hope. I’d work my fucking ass off, you know, and I’d think strategically and tactically, and I’d think, right, okay, you know, what are the resources around me? How do I delegate? Who do I involve in this? How do I, you know, leverage my network to get what I want to, and as you say, involve the experts.

But when it came to my fertility journey, I was just literally living on, you know, a prayer and hope. And it sounds like a contradiction to say I’m living on a prayer, but hope’s not a strategy, but you can have faith. And you can absolutely believe that God will, will serve you as you hope or will give, you know, we serve God and God, you know, God will answer our prayers.

But at the same time, God teaches us to empower ourselves. We have a saying in Arabic, which is tie up your camel. You know, if, you know, if you’re, if you’re staying in an inn overnight, that’s great. You leave your camel outside, but you know, don’t, don’t, don’t just leave it to God to safeguard that, you know, tie him up and hope for the best and leave the rest to God.

Right. Well, and I think you make another excellent point is that we don’t talk about hope in God. We talk about faith in God, right? That’s a completely different thing. Hope is like one foot out the door, right? Faith is like, Hey, you know what? I’m in this for the long haul. And I think that your story is just You know, more living proof of that.

So, so what would you say? I mean, you know, I always ask this question, and I think it’s, I mean, you’re, you’re somebody that’s seen this from, from so many different angles. You know, what would you want the women listening to know? It’s a few nuggets of Semeya wisdom that you would want them to chew on as they are embarking on this journey.

Well, I would say it was not some wisdom. I’d say it’s Roseanne wisdom, but me just absolutely Mullering the eloquence of it. But I would say that you have to truly believe that trust is within you. And I vividly remember thinking that when, so somebody who told me about this clinic, a professional acquaintance, not Suzanne, she says, I mean, there’s this doctor and he’s done a lot of work with women that have had ectopic pregnancies and a lot of work who are with women who sort of have this unexplained infertility.

Go check him out. And I, and I made a note of it and it took me two and a half years to make an appointment to see him, which sounds completely crazy bearing in mind that I would wake up in the morning thinking about the second baby. And I would go to bed every night thinking about this baby and I would walk down the road and I would look for pregnant women.

And I would look at women down the road, pushing their buggies. And if they had another child or two, I would mentally in my head, try to calculate the age gap. And I’d be like, okay, I’m still okay because that baby in the buggy must be maybe one and the baby in, you know, beside her, that child must be maybe three or four.

So, you know, I was totally consumed yet it took me two and a half years to go and see this doctor. And I remember the day I went to see this doctor for my news, I was waiting to find out what my HCG results were. I bumped into her in reception and she had gone to see him for herself. And I just remember having so much trust in myself at that point and trust in God and trust in the journey and the plan.

And I just remember thinking it’s all going to be fine. And people listening might think, well, it’s all well and good for you to say it’s all going to be fine because you’ve had your second child now. And that’s a really easy thing to say, but. Truly, I think there is nothing like getting into your head and properly unpicking what is going on.

You can take every supplement under the sun and have the most regimented of diets and be working with the experts of experts. But if you’re not an expert in what’s going on in your own head, and if you don’t have someone to help you understand that and realize that, you’re not going to make any progress on this journey.

Like it is, you know, your body holds on to everything in the same way that they say, you know, most cancers are lifestyle related and recovery from them are, you know, mindset related. I’m not, that’s not to say that, you know, of course medicine isn’t a huge factor in all of that, but it’s just like, you know, there is a place for placebo effect in modern medicine and then an infertility, there is absolutely something to be said for what’s going on in your brain.

And if you don’t properly realize that it ain’t happening. Mm. Mm. Yeah. And, and here’s the thing, you know, you, you’ve got the street cred of having lived it and, and you know it. And, and now that you’re on the other side of it, you know, it’s incredible how much you can look and see how this was all working for you.

And it’s hard. Like nobody likes to hear me say that. And it’s like, oh, fuck yourself, Rosanne, you know, you’re on the other side and do all this stuff. But it’s like, dude, if you just take one thing from all this. It’s, it’s happening for you. It can be happening for you and, and it’s just, it’s stunning to me.

I mean, your story is just an incredible one, Samaya. And you know, one of the, one of my consistent ways that I look back and strengthen my faith all the time is I think about you and I think about all the women that I serve. And I just think, man, each and every one of you is a miracle. You know, in and of yourselves, because who you had to become the chances that a lawyer in London would meet a former prosecutor, you know, from California, like what are the chances?

But when you open your heart as you have shared with us here and you allow yourself to receive on multiple levels These two disparate stories and these two like seemingly unrelated things can come together to really call in miracles so So i’m honored to have been by your side woman, and i’m just I know that so many women are going to be Appreciative and blessed by this interview.

So thank you so much for sharing your story with us Oh, you know, it’s totally my pleasure and I can’t say enough, you know, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Those, those sessions were truly beautiful, you know, it sounds really cheesy, but actually I look back on them and I feel so nostalgic. They were, you know, I was religious, I’m late for everything.

Everything Roseanne. And I was there at one minute to four UK time every single Saturday, hell could freeze over. And I would find a way of getting on that call, you know, and it was just the most incredible thing, just that resonance, that sense of community that, you know, not only did I learn so much from you, but I learned so much from you coaching those women and so much from them sharing their thoughts and feelings and.

You know, I look now at my relationships with other women and I think they’re all the more richer and deeper for it. Like my sense of respect for women has, you know, has just, it’s rocketed, you know, and I, and I, you know, I just, I think on this journey, like you, you’ve got to really, really want it. If, you know, if you’re struggling, you’ve got to really, really, really want it because it’s going to be tough and it’s going to be, and it may be long and it’s going to be hard, but when you truly want it, like you will see the things that you didn’t initially see.

And that’s what, you know, sharing those experiences and, and, and, you know, you having lived it firsthand, you know, your understanding, that’s why it’s always, you know, you, you, you hit the right notes every single time because. Yeah, you’ve worked that part. Yeah. And it’s incredible. You’ve seen so many of the women that were in the program with you.

And then when they see you, everyone’s going to shit twice. You’re going to be like, they’re so, so pulling for you. Well, thank you again, woman. And what a blessing you are. You, you. It’s just incredible to spend that time with you and so many blessings to you, your boys, your husband, go keep kicking ass. My loves, did you just freaking fall in love with Samaya?

I, I hope you love her as much as I do. I, I just, I have so much love for this community and, and the women that show up for themselves, show up for their babies and show up for their families in this way. And I know for a fact. That if you resonated with Samaia and there were parts of you that were just like, oh man, that’s so me.

You have to understand that the strength she found within herself is in you right now. And if you want to learn what I taught Samaia, my Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases, mind and body. So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret.

I work with women who are committed to success, just like Samaya. So apply for your interview for this program. And you can go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply there. My methodology is help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results, as you heard today, speak for themselves.

If you don’t have a mindset for success in this journey, babe, you got to gape and hole in your strategy. You have got to fix that shit and set yourself up for success. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review.

Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.