EP232 Is Your Partner Your Reason…or Your Excuse?

While living this journey, we can sometimes get into a weird pattern in our relationship with our partner–AND NOT EVEN KNOW IT! The person who was once your ride or die can start looking like public enemy #1, if you aren’t careful. This week I’m sharing the subtle and destructive ways that even those with “great” relationships can find themselves in this mess. Want a baby AND the loving partnership you truly desire, listen up!

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Hey Gorgeous. If you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 232. Is your partner your reason or your excuse? I am so excited to be here with you, my loves, this week as we kick off a series of quick hits that are going to help you really move the needle on your fertility journey because I don’t know, there’s just something in me that knows that there’s some pretty good sabotage patterns going on right now.

And it’s interesting because I totally get it, we all have some summer brain right now as we are squeezing out every last bit of goodness that we can get from the summer and really living it up right now, but here’s the deal. This is kind of when the saboteurs can come rattling in, in those dark corners of your mind, just when you’re about to relax and enjoy an afternoon poolside.

There’ll be something that comes up in the back of your mind and says, this baby’s not coming. You’re too old. You failed too many times. So the point of all of this is to equip you with massive value information. That’s going to help you in tiny bite sized bits. Really be prepared and you know and crush these saboteurs when they come up So over the course of this quick hit series, I’m really going to be presenting you with evocative if not provocative Questions that can help you suss out those saboteurs So they can get the fuck out of your life.

Okay, so the first one is, and actually, you know, let me back up the bus a little bit. This is where you can have some summertime fun. Like, if you haven’t done so already, my team has put together a beautiful worksheet that’s gonna go along with this episode. And look, we don’t have to do this. But we’re doing this because we want you to be successful.

So if you haven’t downloaded the worksheet yet, this is the perfect time for you to do it. Do it under the umbrella, by the pool, whatever you’re doing or by the beach and really spend a little bit of time because every week of this series, we’re going straight for the jugular on some questions that I hear from women or nonsense that I hear from women.

And I say that with love. Because I’m kind of helping him work past that, but some of the nonsense that comes up that can distract us from the success that we really want. And so download your worksheet, link is in the show notes or in the email that announced this episode, so do that and do that now. Oh, and the other thing is, I want you to know that Mama’s starting her fourth I hadn’t quite planned to write another book this year that’s like four books in three years, I think, but I’m going to be engaging in that like starting pretty much now.

So, and I know there are thousands of women that listen to this podcast every single day, and if you’ve been considering submitting an application for my signature eight week program, the Fearlessly Feral Method, you know, the program that all these women are like, Totally jazzed about well, that’s the program.

Well, my time for the rest of the year is going to be super limited. And so if you want my team to consider your application, the time to get it in is now. If you want to be in my signature eight week program, go to www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. We’ll also put a link in the show notes for this as well, because if you want to be considered, you’ve got to get your application in now.

Cause mama gonna be busy. Okay. And I cannot wait to share this fourth book with you. We are taking the conversation of mindset, fertility, and success to the very next level. So super excited to share that with you. So this episode is inspired by the fact that, you know, while living this journey, we can sometimes get into a weird pattern in our relationship with our partner and not even know it.

The person that was once your ride or die can become public enemy number one. Even if you aren’t careful. And so I wanted to present you with a question and also describe the subtle and destructive ways that even those with a quote unquote great relationship can find themselves in this mess. And, you know, if you want a baby and the loving partnership that you truly desire, you’ve got to turn this one up.

So here’s the question. I’ll put this out there first, and then I’ll come back and explain it a little bit. Is your partner your reason? Or your excuse. It’s really important to answer that question. Is your partner your reason or your excuse? Now, here’s the thing. If you don’t happen to be partnered, this idea still applies to you.

So just follow along. You’re going to see the parallels and you’re going to see why I say that. But I often run into women Who share with me, you know, my partner, super supportive there, you know, back in my place on this journey, but when you scratch just a little bit past that surface, you know, you can start to see that what’s actually happening in this woman and the blocks that she’s created between herself and her baby is not based on being inspired by her partner, but those blocks are based on beliefs About why her partner is in the way right so said a different way because I’m going to say this a bunch of different ways So that it can hit in different ways, but a lot of women start to say.

Oh, yeah, my partner we fell in love I can’t wait to have a baby with this person and like here’s the thing Deep down based on the way that they interact based on the way that they’re talking about their relationship based also on the way that they look at opportunities and their prospects on this journey.

The truth is they’re actually using their partner as their excuse for why they’re not succeeding. So let me give you an example. So and this isn’t anyone in particular. This is sort of a mashup of different things that I hear sometimes. You know, Oh, my partner. So, you know, so there for me and, you know, they just want, they’ll, they’ll back my play on anything, anything I want.

They’re totally supportive of it. But when you present them with an opportunity or a tool, a strategy, or some other thing, that’s going to help them move past the block between themselves and their baby. Then things to get, get a little dicey. Oh, I can’t possibly do that because X, Y, and Z. And one of the ways this shows up a lot, and you’ve heard me harp on this before, but it shows up a lot when it comes to money, time, and other people.

Okay. People, I don’t know what’s going on. Like women are using their partner as their excuse for so many different things. It’s, I don’t know. I’m just going to say it. Fucking pathetic. Okay, so you might hear a woman say, Oh, I can’t do that because I haven’t talked to my partner about that. And it’s like, okay, I’m all about having like, you know, couples agreements about things.

But when those agreements become handcuffs, then you’ve got a problem. And so here we have lovable, like independent, smart women who can’t make a fucking decision because they’re afraid of what their partner’s going to think. Or they’ll say, Oh, I can’t do that because my partner will think it’s too expensive.

And it’s like, but you went from telling me that your partner is super supportive to making them your excuse. Interesting pattern, isn’t it? And, you know, sometimes we do this and it’s not just with money. Money is just a super, like, apparent and readily accessible example. But we see this also in, Oh, I can’t do that treatment because my partner objects.

Or I can’t do this because my partner thinks that right. So instead of actually having information about what their partner thinks or knowing that their partner trusts them as a grown ass, educated woman to make decisions for themselves, like they’ll use their partner as their excuse. So, at some level, we all kind of sort of do this if we’re not careful.

So, in the worksheet that you hopefully have downloaded already, you will see that we have created something for you to follow along with this exercise, because I really want you to understand. Is your partner the reason for your success, meaning that your reason they are a good positive influence in your life, they’re not holding you back, you are not allowing each other to hold each other back, but that in fact, You are going to allow yourself to be, do, have, and give whatever it is that you desire on this journey because of them.

Because of your love for them. Because of your love for yourself. Because of your love for this shared vision that the two of you have for your family. Or Are you using them as the excuse for why you can’t be, do, have, or give what you desire on this journey? And here’s the funny thing, you may think that this behavior is limited to this journey.

It’s not. The way we do one thing is the way we do fucking everything, okay? So just to give you an example, if you are going cheap On this journey, you are going cheap in other aspects of your life, blaming it on your partner. My partner won’t let me. My partner thinks that’s expensive. It’s like, where are you in this mix?

Or, is your partner the reason for your success, supporting your success, or the excuse that you’re using not to have it? Okay? And I know, I know whenever I bring this subject up, there’s gonna be somebody that says, Oh, well we just agreed that if we’re spending over a certain amount, or if we’re doing X, Y, Z, you know, we have to have 100 percent agreement.

Well, actually, that only proves my point. Is your partner the reason why you will be, do, or have, or give what it is that you say you want to give on this journey, or be, have, all that good stuff, or are they your excuse? Do you actually have a scenario going on in your relationship where everything that you care about in this life, including your baby, requires the assent of someone else?

If that’s the case, you might find yourself in treacherous waters, mama, and filled with bitterness 10 years from now because you allowed your partner to be your excuse. Touche. So bust out the worksheet. And here’s what you’re going to do. I want you to write down on one side of the page, all of the reasons that your partner inspires you to succeed on this journey.

They really have your back and they’re there truly supporting you. What are all the ways that they’re doing that? And what are all the means by which they are inspiring you to succeed? Now, on the other side of the page, I want you to be fricking honest and write down how often and the ways in which you use your partner as your excuse, because here’s the deal.

That convenient set of excuses will catch up with your ass in one way or another. Either you’re going to miss an opportunity, you’re going to be, or you’re going to be resentful of missing an opportunity. And it’s really good to suss this out because over time. If you have missed opportunities, you’re not being, doing, having, or giving the things that you want on this journey, it will begin to tear your relationship apart.

And here’s the thing, we’re not in blame about you, and we’re not blaming your partner. In the end, this is about you taking full responsibility for where you’re at on your journey and fucking where you’re headed. Because it all begins and ends with you. If you give up on this dream, that comes down to you, mama.

It’s not your partner because nobody was holding a gun to your head or threatening you with, like, anything to give up on your dream. And frankly, if your dream is that easy to knock over, mmm, might be time for you to evaluate some things. And I say that with love, because here’s the thing. I’ve watched women on occasion just totally screw the pooch on their dream, because they were too afraid of what their partner might think, do, or say.

But the reality was, is that was their projection. They hadn’t fully figured it out with their partner. It was just a lot easier to use their partner as their excuse. Not their reason for success. So I hope you take this in and when you’re done with the worksheet, really look it over. Chances are you’re going to see some patterns that need your attention.

And that is where my work comes in. Because if you’re not getting the result that you want on this journey with your treatments, diets, lotions, potions, and all the other wonderful things that you might be doing to support your success. The time is now to be looking at your mindset. You can’t escape it.

Your mindset is the foundation of your success in this journey because thoughts, beliefs, actions, results, it’s logical, it’s linear, it’s true. You got to do something about it. And my fearlessly fertile method programs for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say, hell yes. To covering their bases, mind and body.

So that you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret. My programs have helped women all over the world finally get and stay pregnant. And frankly, if you’re not working on your mindset mama, you’ve got a gaping hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit. And set you up for success. Go to www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodologies help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. It’s time that you’re one of them. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review.

Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.