EP240 Fertility Success Principle #8: Better Not Bitter

Are you bitter about some things your fertility journey has tossed your way? In this episode I’m going to teach you why bitter creates BLOCKS to your baby and HOW you can focus on BETTER instead. It’s what women who beat the odds do. If you even suspect you might be a Bitter Bee, turn this one up.

Want the journal page that goes with this episode? CLICK HERE

Hey Gorgeous. If you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey, just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless, baby. Fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile podcast, episode 240. Fertility success principle number eight, better, not bitter. Hey, my loves. I’m so excited to be back with you this week, talking about something really important. It’s actually also. Me picking up with the Fertility Success Principles series that we have been working on throughout the lifetime of this podcast.

And I left off at Fertility Success Principle number seven. And that was some time ago because we’ve been doing, I mean, we’ve just had so many interviews with so many of my Miracle Mamas. So many really cool expert interviews and episodes on the smart mama moves. That I wanted to bring us back to a really cool bread and butter concept of what are the fertility success principles on this journey.

Now, having coached women to fertility success, like as of my calendar watch right now, about nine years, There is a consistent through line and women ask me all the time, you know, what makes my ladies so successful because you will see and hear women on this podcast from so many walks of life, physicians, lawyers, teachers, nurses.

Engineers, women, uh, with many different kinds of advanced degrees from all over the world, many different life experiences, you know, and so what is it that unites them? That’s really what I’m talking about when we are digging into the fertility success principles. And this one that I want to share with you this week, number eight, better not bitter, is actually a really critical one because this journey is unlike anything else, and I’m not telling you anything new in making that statement, but I’m simply The Underscoring a reality that I think not a lot of people have a firm grasp on we tend to get upset when when things on this journey don’t go in logical linear lockstep that, you know, we have experienced in other aspects of our lives, you know, professionally, we, you know, you study this number of years, you take this test, you get this degree, it’s it’s it’s It’s more predictable, but when we’re living this journey, look, we are dealing with the fucking miraculous.

Not everything is going to be predictable, and frankly, count on it not being predictable. And developing the ability to be better, not bitter when things don’t work out is a critical aspect of that resilience and, and that strength that you hear in all these women on the podcast, because what they did Essentially, whether they would call it this or not was ultimately what they did.

They decided to be better not bitter. And at this point in the podcast, 240 episodes deep, you have heard quite a few diverse stories upon which to draw from that you can see that what I’m sharing with you is true. So, let’s talk about better, not bitter, and if you have not already done so, I strongly encourage you to download the worksheet that my team has prepared to go along with this episode, because I want this You know, every single one of the success principle episodes that I have done was intended to be very active.

I know that podcasts and listening to podcasts, we tend to be multitasking, trying to take this information in. But when we’re talking about something like a fertility success principle, I really encourage you to do something more than passively listen. Make sure that you have downloaded the worksheet that you’re following along, whether you’re doing it right now or, or later, it doesn’t really matter, but make the commitment to yourself and your success that you are going to download that worksheet and, and take what I’m sharing here with you to the next level by working it through, okay, because bitter creates blocks to your baby and you’ve got to get it.

Better at moving from bitter so that you can do better. Because if you want success on this journey, you cannot stay stuck in a spiral of your past quote unquote failures. What didn’t go right? Who shit didn’t work out with? And all of this other crap that only serves to distract and derail you from your journey to mama town.

Okay. So let’s talk about this because I find, you know, I have so many conversations with, with women from all over the world that you can tell when somebody is bitter. It’s, it’s really unresolved. Anger and frustration about something that happened in the past that it’s caused them to, to look upon their dream with a slightly jaundiced eye.

It’s really interesting, you know, people who still talk about bad experiences with a physician or bad experiences with a clinic. And it’s almost like they feel like they need to get even or they’re, they’re need, they need to meet out some justice. It’s like this really, um, it’s a giant red flag for me.

And when I hear that, that’s like, whoo, that person has not put that, that proverbial baby to bed. That person is still carrying a lot of anger. They’re still not in a place where they can process what happened in, in a constructive way. Now, that’s not me, uh, judging that. We’ve all been there. Trust me. I spent a lot of time early on in my journey in that dark place.

But it’s something to be aware of because when you keep going back to some event, some incident, some Alleged wrong that somebody perpetrated on you. It’s you dividing your attention instead of your attention being on your baby and what you choose to create from here. It’s really you actually living in the past and directing all of this precious energy that you have in the present to the past and the more you you ruminate.

On that the more something that like didn’t work out starts to morph into legitimate bitterness and anger and hostility and I’ll show them right and it’s just. It’s not a great place to be so in so, you know, don’t make yourself wrong if you’re acknowledging which I’m asking you to on the worksheet because if you’re if you downloaded the worksheet, part of what you’re going to be doing is on the left side of the sheet, you’re going to be listing the things that you’re bitter about and look again.

I’ll say it again just for the people in the back row. There’s nothing wrong with discovering that you’re bitter. It’s actually one of the wisest things that you can do where, when you can identify areas where you are holding some bitterness. Okay, fine. Admit it. Don’t make yourself wrong. Just admit it.

Write it down. Where are you holding a grudge? Where do you have bitterness? You know, there’s a bunch of different ways that you can approach it. But the idea here is Where are you holding bitterness? What are you bitter about? So, just pick five things. You could have fifty things and the principle still applies.

But for our intents and purposes here, make a list of five things that you are still holding bitterness over. You know, maybe a physician didn’t work out, or maybe you were treated poorly in a clinic, or maybe a friend was not there for you, maybe somebody on your bump squad left. Or maybe you had a bad experience with some other fertility expert, like, hey, just put it down, okay?

Put it on the list, acknowledge the bitterness. Now, on the right side of the page, you’re going to see the word, better. So the question that I want you to ask yourself is, how can I be better as a result of this? Okay, how can I get out of bitter and get into better? How did this work out for me? So, how can I take what I’m bitter about and be better?

Okay, don’t overthink this. So, let’s say for example, your, you know, a relationship with a fertility doctor didn’t work out. Okay, so you’re bitter about that. You feel like, oh shit, you know, this person, you’re, maybe you’re making some statement like, This person was just in it for the money. Like, I mean, that’s like kind of the go to.

Like, that’s one of the, the easy, the cheap and easy things that we’ll say. We just accuse somebody of being greedy when we have no idea if that’s actually true, but it’s a very convenient story that makes us feel better for a few minutes. But just write it down for you. What, what is it? What is the bitterness that you’re holding on to in that relationship?

Let’s say, as the example goes with a former, uh, fertility physician that you are working with. Now, in the column marked better, how can you be better as a result of that? Okay? Maybe one example of how you can be better is, hey, the next time that I am going to interview a clinic to be part of my bump squad, I’m going to be more discerning.

That’s how I can be better. Like, Hey, you know, this, this poor experience with this particular person actually gave me an opportunity to develop my discernment, to get more clear about what I want in a partnership for my bump squad. And you know what, it’s a really powerful thing to go from bitter to better because what you’re really doing is reframing that situation into a, a more success.

oriented view of it. So here’s what I mean by that. If you just get stuck in the place where I’m just bitter because this person was trying to take my money, they didn’t care about me. Aside from the fact that you’re totally making that up, you have no actual information about what was going on in that person’s head unless they said to you, Hey, Jane, I am actually in this only for the money.

I don’t give two shits about you. Like, whatever, right? Well, we never know, right? So it’s a lot easier, and it feels good, like I said, for a few minutes to make them out to be this villain. But we don’t actually know that they’re a villain. And I like to take the, the angle that, hey, it just didn’t work out.

Doesn’t mean that this person is a fucking villain. And think about the kind of energy you have to put into a situation and, and detract from the energy that you could be putting in what you want to keep the kabuki theater in your mind alive, AKA the bitterness. Like think about how much energy you have to redirect into your bitterness and what that takes away from you being better.

Okay. So get out of that place where you’re, you’re holding grudges and you’re bitter and say, okay, how did this work out for me? How can I be better, not bitter? And in the example that we were just working through, it’s about, Hey, yeah, my discernment is a lot better. And I know the questions that I want to ask, and I know the kind of person that I want to work with.

And we go from here, right? So that’s what I want you to do for every point of bitterness. I want you to think of how you can be better as a result of that. And it’s very simple. Just look for, hey, what did you learn from it? How are you better now because of that? And work that through with each one of the five things that you put down.

Even if you, you don’t feel like super bitter about it. You’re just a little bitter. Put it out there. Put it on the list because The sooner you can take it from bitter to better, the better off you are. And, look, this is what women who beat the odds, this is just what they do. Because if you even suspect that you might be a bitter bee about something in your past, deal with it.

So that it doesn’t create an energy leak for you. And it doesn’t darken your path as you are making choices, because look, think about it, in the example that we, we were just working with, like, had a bad experience with a physician, or, you know, you name the fertility expert, if you allow that one poor experience, To persuade you that all doctors are in it for the money and nobody fucking cares about you.

How are you ever going to get the support you actually want? With that shitty attitude, everybody is coming in at a deficit. Even if they are truly on your team, you’re going to make them work 10 times harder. And you know what? When you do that, You’re making your problem their problem. Okay, and that’s incredibly unfair.

It’s incredibly unfair and frankly, it’s emotionally immature. And look, you are a good human being. Your intentions are good. Don’t let bitterness keep you from being better. Everybody on this journey has an opportunity to be better. So stay the fuck out of bitter. Okay, so Take this success principle and work through the exercise on the worksheet and ask yourself, Okay, how can I be better?

And notice that when we’re going from bitter to better, it’s all from a place of love. Right? You may say, Oh shit, I actually have 72 things that I’m bitter about. That’s, hey, no shame in your game, mama. That’s awesome. Acknowledge it. It takes one brave, badass bitch to admit that she has 72 pieces of bitterness.

And it takes someone even more gangster to make the commitment to work through each and every one of those things so that bitterness does not continue to be a block. Because the bitterness is absolutely, 100%, unquestionably shaping your decisions. This is why you hear me say consistently, thoughts, beliefs, actions, results.

And if you are running around with a belief in bitterness and that everybody is out to get you, you will not bring otherwise reasonable and trustworthy people on to your bump squad because you’re letting the past totally shape your view of your future. Okay, this is how women can absolutely self sabotage on this journey.

It’s just one of the many ways. So my love, because you are absolutely committed to success on this journey, be better. Not bitter. And hey loves, if you don’t want to stop it better and you want to put yourself in a position to create insane success on this journey, my fearlessly fertile method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases, mind and body.

So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret. I work with women who are committed to success. So committed that they pay more attention to baby making than excuse making. To apply for your interview for this program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there.

My methodology is help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, baby, you gotta keep it all in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results.

Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying, hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.