EP49 Got Haters? Here’s What To Do

As a woman with the guts to boldly go for her dreams, you are bound to run into people who judge every move you make. Some are well meaning, while others are downright vicious! I’m going to share some truth about haters AND a smart, methodical, and effective way to approach them, so you can protect your peace.

Hey, gorgeous. If you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist, I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure.

I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey, just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey. It’s time to get fearless, baby. Fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile podcast, episode 49, what to do about haters.

Oh, mamas in the making, I have a doozy for you this week. I’ve been meaning to get to this subject for a while now and it really kind of blows my mind that we’re finally getting to it on the eve of my 50th episode. It’s crazy that we are almost a year into this podcast. Every week, without fail, rain or shine, I’m showing up for you, reminding you that you have the power to change the trajectory of your fertility journey in an instant.

Just like that. And it all starts with what you think and believe. I can tell you that standing on that empowering belief strangely garners a lot of hate from those who prefer the warm putrid blanket of self pity and victimhood. So when I tell you I know something about dealing with haters, you better believe I do.

And if you think championing women’s empowerment on the fertility journey is going to get you some hate, add to the mix the kind of hate you get when you have the ovaries of steel to write a book with the title Am I the Reason I’m Not Getting Pregnant? The Fearlessly Fertile Method for Clearing the Blocks Between You and Your Baby.

It astounds me how committed people can be to their own ignorance that they won’t look past a title, with even an ounce of intellectual curiosity. Indeed, I get it, there are certain risks you take when you opt for such a direct and cut to the chase title, but I chose to bet on my smartest buck ladies being intrigued by the title, not indicted.

In the end, it’s written for women who do in their life, not boo hoo. It doesn’t matter that it went to number one on Amazon in the United States and Canada, and it doesn’t matter that the number one New York Times best selling author and world renowned healing expert Bernie Siegel, M. D. wrote the foreword for my book.

The hate still pours in weekly. Suffice it to say that there are a zillion reasons I am so glad I am mothering a toddler right now. Not the least of which, because it’s perfect training for the exact kind of irrational, emotionally immature, willfully ignorant, whiny bullshit that some people love to fling my way.

But to that, I say, bring it, baby. I’m sharing this to give you some context of where I’m coming from on the topic of haters. I’m someone who, for better or worse, has actually put themselves out there, personally and professionally, and has been willing to stand up to bullshit because I believe in what I put out.

And I have the consistent client results to back what I say. Like everything else I teach, this is journey tested insider information, not some Pollyanna bullshit I read in a book and didn’t have the guts to apply myself. I’m not coming at this as some kind of a fucked up contrarian. I’ve just had the life experience to understand that playing nice with others doesn’t mean or necessitate you have to abdicate your power.

I just know the high price of subordinating your dreams to the expectation of others. It ain’t worth it, baby. So, loves, hang on to your hat and let’s get down to this. We’ve got to focus on what to do about haters so you can protect your peace. And because I’m in lawyer mode today for some reason, let’s start with a simple definition of hater.

For our purposes here, a hater is someone who tries to make you feel bad for being you. This can be anyone. Friend, relative, co worker, trolls online, you name it. And it can be about anything. Your opinions, your lifestyle, your choices, your beliefs, your path on this journey, or just about anything that makes you, you.

Haters love to stand in judgment and try to convince you that their way is the only way. With that as our operating definition, feel free to tweak it as you see fit. There are three key points I want to share with you when it comes to the topic of haters. First, and I love this one because it really brings out the rebel in me, celebrate the hate!

Celebrate the hate, babies! If you have people hating on you, it means you are on the right track. It means you are probably doing something unusual. You might be doing something the people around you don’t quite understand. It takes way too much time and it’s way too convenient for people to just hate on you instead of trying to understand what you’re doing.

Doesn’t mean that you’re better than anyone else, it just means that you’re taking a different path. You are a sheep. Celebrate the hate, baby. It takes courage to step out of the mold and see beyond your present circumstances. Everyone loves to talk about following their heart or having the guts to see something through, but honestly, how many people in your direct circle have actually done that exact thing when it comes to their dreams?

I’m willing to bet, very few. And that’s not because I think you’re hanging around with a bunch of losers, it’s just a human tendency to just give up when things get crazy, and get on to the next thing. We have a microwave culture that if we’re not seeing results immediately, it must be because the thing’s fucked up, right?

Twitters are a dime a dozen, and they have a parade of reasonable excuses. Most people flee at the first sign of trouble, or pack it up when they think they’ve quote unquote failed too much. Particularly if those dreams are sort of in contradiction to what everyone else thought they should do. That’s not you, love.

Which is why if people are hating on you, do a fucking victory dance! I’m willing to bet that if you’re listening to this podcast, you’ve got some rebel in you, too. Which undoubtedly gets under people’s skin. Particularly if we are starting to unleash her in you. And the people around you are seeing a change.

Which leads me to the next point. Here’s the second idea I want to toss out there to you when it comes to dealing with haters. There’s an inconvenient truth about haters that they don’t want you to know. And it’s this. You are a mirror. For better or worse, you are a mirror. You going for your dreams with the fervor of a woman that knows that being a mom was put in her heart because it was meant for her.

Only causes your haters to have to come face to face with the fact that they chickened out on their dreams. Your fire reminds them of what they gave up on. This is why when I come into contact with this kind of hate, my first thought is, Project much, motherfucker? I immediately think about what that person must have punked out on in their own lives.

And how much they must torture themselves over it. Because all someone who is going for their dreams is doing is shining a light on what they didn’t do. We are mirrors for the people in our lives. And I don’t condone the hating. It certainly, however, gives me some compassion to think about how sad and desperate the hater must be over their own cowardice.

It makes me think of the old days, when I used to go on fertility message boards or online groups scouring them for any inspiration or consistent support. But fuck me, man. More often than not, they were bleak, wasteland deserts of bitterness and unqualified know it alls pontificating about how if something didn’t work out for them, it probably wouldn’t work out for anyone else.

I have yet to meet. Many women that would have anything good to say about most of those shitty sites. The example I love to give is of a pot of crab. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a pot of crab being boiled, but you’ll notice that most of the crab, they’re all kind of resigned to their fate, but there’s one badass rebel crab that despite that water getting hot, it’s like still making its way trying to get out.

And it isn’t typically the chef that has to knock the crab back in. It’s the other crab that are pulling that, that poor crab back down, saying, no, come back in the water with the rest of us. It’s like, you want to be the rebel crab. You want to be the one that says, fuck that. I want to be able to look my maker in the eye and say, I did not punk out.

Be the rebel crab, because at least. When you are, you have the guts to go for it. You want to be able to look at yourself and say, look, I didn’t punk out. And if you’re listening to this podcast, I’m willing to bet a pair of Manolo’s that you don’t want what’s average or arguably mediocre. You are making a conscious choice to do better on your fertility journey.

Now, if there’s any part of you that’s thinking that we’re hating on the haters right now, well, we aren’t. We’re simply exposing the true motivations behind why people hate, so you can deal with this intelligently. Now, there will also be those who try to tell you that they’re hating on you because they don’t want you to get hurt or waste your money or a bevy of other excuses.

And, they may actually believe that, but chances are the real truth is exactly what I’ve laid out for you. They gave up on themselves in some way, and they kind of have a twisted way of wanting you to do the same. Don’t let their fear be yours. And if you doubt this, just notice how quick people are to rally around you when you say you’ve run out of steam or you’re ready to give up.

Notice how they have an impressive ability. to pull out similar stories of woe from the deepest reaches of their memory with a quickness. The recall is impressive. It’s almost like they had that shitty story waiting. People love to tell you the tale of misery about their uncle’s friend’s wife’s postman who had the guts to follow his dreams but ended up losing it all and turned to crack and was eaten by a pack of wild dogs.

Misery loves company. Here’s also what you have to know. Sometimes the hate is more subtle and sounds more like, Oh, do you really want to do that? So keep an eye out for it. Here are a few other inconvenient truths about haters. They are more focused on victimhood than empowerment. They’ll give you all the reasons why this mindset shit doesn’t work.

But if you dig a little deeper, they didn’t do the work. Not at all. Anyone who actually does the work and shifts their mindset isn’t looking for anyone to blame, and they certainly don’t see themselves as victims. And what’s also interesting about this is notice what the haters are doing. They, they’re very rarely contributing anything positive to the conversation, just keep an eye out for that as well.

A victim mentality is like the Lex Luthor to the Fearlessly Fertile Method mama’s superman, okay? It is the exact opposite of what a woman who’s actually taken control of what she thinks and believes actually does. And the commitment to victimhood is a commitment to the fetid stink of disempowerment.

You’re going to notice that a lot of haters, they have a really disempowered attitude toward their own lives. And, you know, the sad reality is, is we get to see people every day who face impossible physical challenges, having survived unbelievable violence, dealt with the scourge of bigotry, and a host of other horrific things, who triumph, and don’t for a minute see themselves as fucking victims.

If we’re gonna keep things real, we gotta keep them in context, which is why I point that out. Haters are more focused on problems than solutions, and if you look very closely, even the most artful haters, they are more focused on problems than solutions. They’d rather wallow in the problem than have a solution, because complaining is way more convenient.

And many of those people use their problems to manipulate, gain sympathy, get significance, or wield power. None of that shit is for your good. It’s for their own selfish needs. They will be the first to give you 50 reasons why a solution you offer won’t work, instead of getting off their ass to give it a try.

Just take a close look at their track record. You’ll see the pattern. Patterns, people. Patterns. Now, that brings me to the third point I want to raise about dealing with haters, and it’s a really important one. None of this has anything to do with you. This is perhaps the most important point I want to make in this screed.

Haters are gonna hate, and it has nothing to fucking do with you. Their hate isn’t limited to you. They have an equal hating opportunity for anyone that disrupts the flow of their comfortable mediocrity. It isn’t you. Keep doing you, mama! Trying to please everyone is an absolute waste of your life. Haters are only fueled by you trying to please them.

They will move the ball every time you try to do so. So, spending all that time trying to chase an impossible standard is a waste of your time. Because they have an ever changing litmus test. So fuck that. Quit trading your life. for that shit. And the other thing you have to know, and I really want you to turn this part up and listen carefully, is that what they are doing to you barely scratches the surface of what they are doing to themselves.

Behind every hater is a monumental level of self loathing that is hard to even comprehend. This truth was life changing when I came to realize it. It’s true for every bully you have ever encountered. Because that’s what haters are, bullies. They are eating themselves alive and they cannot help but spew their venom on you.

Again, I am not condoning the behavior, but it can at least give you some compassion so you can just ignore them, pray for them, and move the fuck on. Because as I said earlier, to answer them or try to please them just feeds and rewards the self loathing inside of them. So don’t even participate with or try to engage in the fool’s errand of educating them or trying to explain yourself.

Because if they were open to you, they wouldn’t be hating on you. None of the hate is your responsibility. What is your responsibility is to live your truth, live your calling. When you do that with a clear conscience and a commitment to your own definition of excellence, the boring drone of haters will fade into the background.

Trust me, I could go on and on about haters and how they actually aren’t doing anything for anyone, right? They just love to talk about how all this shit is wrong, and, but they’re not ever offering a solution. Just notice that, okay? But, you know, I’ve given you a lot to work with here, so we’ll leave it at that.

The point of this is to help you make your own discernment so you can live a life of purpose, a full life, and follow your dreams on this journey rather than being trapped in the grip of haters or gossipers that it just, they won’t mean a damn thing to you as you lay dying. Okay? Live, mama, live. That’s, I mean, that’s like the biggest thing that’s like coming out of me right now as I record this is just live.

Fuck the haters. Haters quitting, like, that’s all cheap and easy stuff. You want to know what’s way smarter? Love yourself and love your dreams enough not to be distracted by the noise. So, here’s an exercise to help you take this to the next level. Celebrate the hate, baby. And the first step is identify the haters in your life.

Identify them with some compassion. Okay. Again, you don’t have to be condescending or holier than thou, but just identify who the haters are. Okay. Are these well intentioned people that need to just be schooled? Or are these vicious trolls you’ve never met and haven’t earned the right to comment on your life or your work?

So, once you make that distinction, you can make next choices that are really smart, like in what I’m going to share with the second step. And that’s to decide for yourself what you’re going to do about this. For the people in your life who may not recognize what they’re doing, you may want to let them know what time it is with you.

And if you haven’t read the Bump Squad chapter in my book, it might be time to do so. If these mofos are people you have no connection to, block them online, block them baby, block them. Because they haven’t earned the right to chime in on your life, your work, or your decisions. So, and also think about backing out of that group if it doesn’t raise you up, okay?

Don’t even look back. And lastly, text the link to this podcast to anyone who you think could benefit, you know, on the subject of haters. Screenshot the episode, put it in your Facebook or Insta story, tagging me. Now, look, I want you to take a minute to notice something about yourself right now. You are listening to a podcast that stands for the proposition that you have the power to control your destiny on this journey.

This podcast and my method is laser focused on the piece of the puzzle that gets overlooked and I Respectfully submit to you is the most critical piece of the puzzle because it’s fucking foundational as is Everything in this life. You can’t get around it. Your head must be in the game Remember thoughts beliefs actions results everything starts as a thought your mama making success begins with you Decide that you are finally going to do something about this.

This podcast, if it resonates with you and your heart is full as you listen to it, it’s because you know this shit is true. Decide this is the year. I am handpicking only a finite number of women to take under my wing this year. Decide you’re going to be one of them. My Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases, mind and body.

If you want to learn what I teach and have taught every single woman who has appeared on this podcast, The time is now. I work with women who know what they want and execute, not make excuses. If that’s you to apply for your interview, to get into this program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for time with me there.

My methodology has helped women around the world, make their mama dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, my darling woman, you have a gaping hole in your strategy and let’s fix that shit. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results.

Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.