EP55 With The Cards Stacked Against Her, She Doubled Down

Between “advanced maternal age” and male factor fertility issues, Danielle could have easily given up on her dream of being a Mom. Learn how she fired-up her belief, moved past limiting beliefs, and silenced the thundering voice of naysayers all around her to manifest a miracle. If you could use some massive HELL YES for your journey, don’t miss this!

Hey, gorgeous. If you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist, I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure.

I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine, bad assery, and loads of hell. Yes. For your fertility journey, it’s time to get fearless, baby fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 55.

With the cards stacked against her, she doubled down. Loves, I am absolutely thrilled to be with you today. And I want you to buckle up because the story that I’m going to share with you today is, is really one that is going to inspire the shit out of you because As you well know, the women that I work with are lovably type A, control freaky, make it happen, top of their professional game, professional women who are out there really owning their power in the workplace, in their relationships, at home, and are really just putting their back into this life.

So that when this journey comes into their story, they’re like, Whoa, what? You know, that’s like a two by four to my head because I am used to crushing it. And now I’m facing this thing that I can’t seem to control. And no matter how hard I work, there appears to be no direct correlation between that and getting what I want.

And chances are, if you listen to this podcast, you feel me on this, you know exactly what that’s like, because You know, it’s just incredible how this journey can throw us for a loop because like I was saying, you know, we work super hard in at our work and doing the things we care about. And, you know, when it comes to this journey, we’ll be dieting, we’ll be, you know, following things with dogmatic, you know, conviction and, you know, we just do all the things.

But, nothing seems to be working. And, you know, when you’re used to there being a more direct correlation between how hard you work and getting a result, that can really rock your world. Which is why, working on this mindset shit that I am teaching you here every single week, whether it’s through one of my screens or sharing the stories of my ladies, who have been taught my methodology.

You know, I really want you to get this in your head that your mindset is foundational because what you think and believe is going to be influencing your choices and therefore your actions is logical and linear. But if you’ve been listening to this podcast for some time, you get that you’re getting that all this isn’t just airy furry bullshit and look, medicine can only take me so far.

So I’ve got to be the one to bridge the gap. And so in the story that you’re going to hear from my beloved Danielle, just an intensely beautiful Canadian. I love listening to her accent and I’m sure you guys are going to love it too. She too was cut from that cloth. She’s an executive. She had run teams.

She had done so much in her life. She had, she had held out for meeting the right man and laying this beautiful foundation for her family. And when it came down to having her baby, Screech. Things weren’t so easy and she was facing some challenges that she’s like, what? Where did this come from? So if you’re feeling that today, if you’re struggling, if you’re like, what the fuck is going on in my life?

If you’re beating yourself up, like, you know, here, here I am. I’ve been through medical school, been through law school, business school, whatever profession you’re in. And you’re so used to having your identity determined by your success. And this journey is really raking you over the coals. Listen up, listen up, babies, like, pay close attention, because in today’s interview, you’re gonna hear how not only did Danielle have the, the intelligence and the sensitivity to realize she needed some help, she also recognized that, look, if I don’t bring all of me to this journey, if I don’t get my mind right and align my body and, and bring everything I’ve got to this, I’m gonna regret this motherfucker.

And it’s not quite exactly how she says it, but that’s my interpretation of it. So I really hope that you delight in this extremely generous, kind, and beautiful woman sharing her story, because I know that this story is going to touch so many lives because As you will hear, not only was Danielle facing her own fertility issues, but there was also a male factor involved.

And look, when you’ve got turds coming at you from both sides, it’s really easy to give up. It would be really easy for her to just abandon her dreams. But as you will hear, she became the woman. That beat incredible odds by becoming the woman who succeeded. You guys have heard me say that before you become in the woman who succeeds always precedes the success.

And I just can’t wait for you to meet my beloved Danielle. So welcome to the podcast, Danielle. Well, thank you. Awesome. So why don’t we start off by telling everybody a little bit about how you found yourself on your fertility journey? Sure. Um, okay. So I, uh, my husband, my now husband and I met, uh, in our mid thirties and we, so a little bit later in life for, uh, starting a family, apparently I didn’t think so at the time, but.

I have learned. Um, and he had, um, he had had a vasectomy with his old, uh, with his ex partner. Um, so we knew that we had to overcome a couple of medical things before we were going to start trying to have children. So we had that surgery and we were told we had to go ahead. And, you know, so we started trying.

And, uh, after about a. Six months or so, I started to think, you know, maybe, maybe, you know, time’s sort of ticking on here. Maybe I should go and get some help. And that started the whirlwind journey that we ended up having. First off, we found out that the surgery wasn’t as successful as we thought it was.

Then there was some underlying issues with, uh, with some other stuff. And then we were told, uh, we were given a 0. 2 percent chance of having children naturally. 0. 2%? 0. 2. Yeah. So, and you know, it’s, it’s really funny because, you know, when I talk about it now, it seems like it’s just this sequential. This happened, then this happened, then this happened, but I will never forget that moment.

Um, you know, having spent my entire life planning very diligently not to get pregnant and working really hard to make sure that I did all of the right things and I’m really fortunate I don’t have endometriosis or PCOS or, or anything like that. So I was, I was like, okay, I’m primed and ready to go. Let’s do this thing.

And, um, and to be told that, that I couldn’t or that it might not happen for me. I, I, it was, it was a total shock. It was a complete shock. Complete shock, as you referred to earlier, you know, in my, in my work life and in other places that, you know, I, I manage projects and I run teams and I, I direct things.

And so this was something that I obviously was trying to take those skills forward to and say, okay, well, I’ve, you know, I’ve set up all of this, all of this stuff and, and now this should work. And then to be sitting across from a doctor that just said, this is never going to happen for you. It was like the whole bottom fell out of my life.

That for me was a pivotal point. I think both in my mental and, and medical journey. Wow. Um, yeah. Yeah. So that was, and that was really hard for me. And until that time, I don’t think I realized exactly how important being a mother was to me. Until all of a sudden it was taken away. You know, that’s really a sobering point that you’re raising because I, I think so many of us on this journey, like this is something we kind of take for granted, like unless you have a preexisting condition, like as you were talking about, like you just kind of figure, yeah, you know, I’m going to go about my life, get my education, do my work and you know, find the right partner, do all these things and then bing, bang, boom, it’s done.

And then you get hit with this 0. 2 percent naturally. Yeah. I mean, I don’t know how you couldn’t be devastated by that. It was, it was crazy. Like I’d moved from, um, a different city so that we could be together. And we were, you know, we were engaged. We were planning our wedding. And this was part of, you know, sort of what we were doing.

And then, yeah, all of a sudden it came to a screeching halt. And I just, it was, it was, it was, it was a totally traumatic moment actually. Um, especially looking back on it. Um, you know, and then you’re like, well, what do I do? You know, I’m, I’m rarely struck speechless. Um, but at that time I definitely was moving on from there.

Then it was sort of like, okay, all right, well, well, what next? So what does this look like? Um, and so the doctor then immediately went into, well, because you’re old. And at the time I was 36. Okay. I’ve just turned 36. Yeah. You’re old at 36. Like seriously. Yeah. I was told that I was in the geriatric maternity category.

My new favorite term, um, and I was like, pardon me, goodness. And, uh, you know, that, that there wasn’t a lot of chance for me anyway. And that we could go through a bunch of tests and just to double check. But, you know, we might consider right out of the gate doing something like egg donation and sperm donation because we had this issue.

And I was like, okay, hold the phone. What, what? You know, I mean, and I, you know, you’re bombarded with all these things and then the charts come out and the spreadsheets come out and then the, you know, the stats come out and it’s like, okay, whoa, what is going on? So there was a few months there where I sort of went through all of those tests and did all of the things I said, okay, well, fine.

Well, what’s the next step? Because that’s usually how I get, you know, how you go through difficult things is, okay, what’s the next step? So then I went through a bunch of tests and all of the fun times. Um, that they do. Um, and so those were all fine. They didn’t find anything, um, abnormal. All of my levels were fine.

Everything seemed good. So then they said, well, why don’t we try IUI? So what we’ll do is we’ll get a sample from your husband. So at that time, He, like the reversal had worked, but there were some antibodies in, in the, in his samples. So they said, so we can sort of wash the antibodies and then we’ll do an IUI.

So do this thing. Okay. Um, so we tried to do the IUI, um, and my husband went in and he did his thing and then I was going to go in and do my thing. And then the clinic called and said, there’s nothing in this sample. So I’m on my way to the clinic, I’m in the car on my way to the clinic. And I was like, are you kidding me?

And they’re like, there’s nothing in here. So somehow in the months that it would have taken to do all of my tests to get through this process, my husband’s, um, reversal reversed itself. Apparently that’s fairly common. Holy mackerel. And we’re just not aware. So and that whole process, this is now, this has been a like almost two year journey to sort of get to this process because you know, you have the reversal, then there’s like the healing period and then there’s the testing period on his end.

And so it was, it was quite, quite involved. And so again, I was like in the car, I had to pull over. I was like, you’ve got to be kidding me. Like this was supposed to be a one and done. We were totally fine. I’m just like, Oh my gosh, what, what now? You know, what now? So then we went in and they said, um, okay, your next step is IVF.

And at the time, I can’t even tell you how terrified I was at the thought of that. The injections, the meds, like it was my worst nightmare come And I was just like, I didn’t think I could feel any worse than the first time we had this conversation. And now I’m just like, Oh my gosh. And you know, the thought of being able to sort of inject myself and do all of these things.

And I was just like, Oh my gosh, why? And then, and this is where sort of the mindset part comes in. Like I, it was really, really difficult for me to remind myself that this was not my husband’s fault. This was not something that was happening, you know, at me. This was something that, you know, we’re going to work through together.

It’s really easy to become a victim in those situations. You know, I, I, I threw myself countless pity parties, for sure. You know, I, I am not perfect, so there were lots of times where I was very, very in the poor pity me box and, um, you know, just sitting there and just being like, what, you know, what have I done wrong?

You know, who have I angered to have, you know, to have put me in this position? And so it was really hard for me to get my head around it because then I was like, okay, no, I’m not going to do IVR. We’re going to do sperm donation instead. And, um, and this was where my husband was. I, I just, I can’t thank him enough.

He was, he has been an amazing partner through this, through this journey. He sat down and he looked up sperm donors and he is sitting there at the kitchen table and he just starts crying. And I’m just like, what, what’s the deal? And he’s like, I can’t believe I’m shopping for my replacement. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

That’s freaking tears to my eyes. Just even hearing that. I was like, Oh God. This is now a whole other thing. It’s not just me anymore in this journey, right? This isn’t like this is this is something that’s really important to him And so, you know, we had a few chats about it and he said, okay, so I’ll do it And this is this is who I suggest and this is what we’re doing and I said, okay Well, let’s just keep that in our back pocket and see what happens and you know and watching him go through that for me essentially really, really clued me into the fact that this was not going to be something I was going to do on my own.

And this was not something only I cared about. Wow. And so almost immediately every ounce of resentment and frustration I had, you know, towards him just evaporated because I just realized I was like, Oh my gosh, I need to be there for him as well. It’s like, this isn’t, this isn’t about me anymore. Um, and I don’t think I consciously thought it was like all about me, but you know, really right then it, it really.

It really cemented in my mind. So, um, so yeah, so we went to the doctor and we discussed that option and, um, it’s really funny. Um, so the doctor said, well, you know, we could do that, but again, because of your age, it might take one or two times with a sperm donor and by that time you’ll be even older. So if it doesn’t work, then we might as well try IVF anyway.

So we had this sort of very depressing conversation about how, how I was aging out, um, at 36. Right. And 38 probably at that point. Yeah, I was going to say, I don’t even know how old I was then. Unbelievable. Right. So, right. So, it’s like life is just getting started. It’s like, that’s what I said. Yeah. Isn’t it funny though?

I mean, let’s just take like a, a, a little bit of a side note here because The language that is used in medicine and like, I bet every single physician that has shown up on this podcast and you met some of them in the program and like, it’s so misogynistic. It’s so outdated for the way that we live. It’s ridiculous.

Like unbelievable. I have so many soap boxes I can jump up and down on, on, you know, the processes and things that happen. I was like, this is so not cool. But yeah, like, you know, and then we were having these conversations, we’re having these great detailed conversations about stuff. And I just looked at the doctor this one time and I was like, you do realize that like had I had a child, you know, at like 25, it would not have been a good life choice.

You know, I made really good life choices. So I feel like your, you know, your center right now is really, is really misplaced. So let’s just figure out what we can do instead of what I should have done in my mid twenties. Because trust me, having a kid wouldn’t have been one of those things. Like, yeah. Yeah.

Well, and you’re bringing up an amazing point, like, you know, and everyone in listening who has been labeled, I mean, I was labeled geriatric as well. So high fives to you sister. I mean, yeah, it’s totally obscene. And I mean, I get why they say it, you know, like, you know, just from a clinical standpoint, but from a human standpoint, those terms.

are ludicrous for the way that we live in the, you know, in 2020. Yeah. It’s ridiculous. I mean, you know, do we, would we really want to trade, you know, every advance we have had as women, you know, over the course of the past 70 years, just so that, you know, like to have our children know that part of the reason, and I bet you would say this.

Part of the reason why you created the life that you created was to give your child a great life. To get an education. Right? 100%. Absolutely. I mean, it’s always been, I, I have, I’ve saved books. From my childhood to read to my Children and I’ve moved about 100 times since my childhood and I like they’re pretty much the only things I’ve ever kept.

You know that there’s there’s stuff in my life that I have prepared for this and I’m sorry that it didn’t work out on the numbering system that you have for my age. But you know, this is where we are now. And I just I found like some of the nomenclature of the medical terms as well. Where’s just completely ludicrous, you know, things like incompetent cervix and hostile thing.

I was like, okay, easy. Oh, I love that. I love that across the table from these guys that are explaining these things. I was like, okay, hold the phone. You know, like, is there something I can do about this? Are you just going to yell at my bits? You know, like, It was just, anyway, so I just, I just find there’s a whole, there’s a lot of work that can be done from the medical standpoint and from a patient care standpoint and, and, you know, like evolution in, in medical care.

And then also, um, you know, translating that into, into human centered approaches can, can still go a long way. Right. So, right. So here you are. Yeah. So here you are at this point, you’re geriatric in your late thirties, you know, in a position where you’re now, you know, you and your husband are looking down range at an IVF cycle, something that you had been dreading and you know, not only are you a professional, but now you’re going to have to learn how to inject yourself and all these things.

It’s like. So tell us a little bit about taking that leap, because it must have been a bit of a leap. Oh gosh, I had nightmares about this. I, like, this is not something that I was cool with. I’m one of those people that I get a paper cut and I feel woozy, you know? I’m just like, oh God. Um, and so, but you know, it’s really weird.

I was just, and I think this is where, where the Pollyanna turns into brass tacks. I just took one step in front of the other. So I said, okay, give it to me. Like what time, where am I going? What am I doing? Give me the sheet, do the thing. Um, I watched all the videos that they gave about how to inject yourself.

I took a look at it. I unwrapped everything. I stared at it. I, you know, I, I put it all together and I, gosh, the first time I tried to do it, I tried to do it and I had to do it at work because I had to be midday. So of course I’m not just casually in my own bedroom in midday. So I couldn’t do the whole, like, you know, light a candle, use some ice.

I was like, okay, I’m in a work bathroom stall here trying to not spend too much time or drop anything in this sort of toilet thing that I’m tripping over. So I’m trying to like balance everything. And then I’ve got this, you know, injectee pen thing that I’ve kind of figured out my hands are shaking so much.

I’m like, okay, geez, this is ridiculous. And then, you know, you’re grabbing your fat bits, which is again, so fun. And then. I just, you know, I just stabbed it in there and I just shot it and I was like, I was shaking so much. It was, it was as if I’d like, you know, flying the mountain or something. And then I sat down and I was like, Hey, I did it.

Okay. I’m good. I just remember texting my husband. I’m like, I did it. I’m good. Cause at first I was like, okay, honey, you’re going to have to do it for me. You know, like I’m going to, we’re going to find it and I hear it’s easier. And like, if you do the shots for me and then I was like, screw this now I can do this.

I’m going to do this. I’m just going to get it done. And I did. And after that, honestly, I was like, I got this. Wow. So it’s just one of those, I just had to, you know, I mean, maybe some people don’t think that that’s, really big thing. But for me, for some reason, I had a huge big mental block about it. I was terrified of the whole situation.

It’s not normal. It’s not normal to be yourself with needles. Generally speaking, I mean, or things like that. I mean, generally speaking, most most of us, unless you have a medical conditioner, not Yeah. Sticking yourself with things. And so. Yeah. I mean, I think what you’re doing is really speaking to a mental shift that we have to make on this journey.

Because. Totally. Here you are. You had this vision for yourself. You’ve been preparing all your life to be a mom. Yeah. And now you’re having to face the thing you feared the most. Yeah. Doing an IVF cycle. So, so how did that go? Well, uh, not well, to be honest. Um, the first cycle, uh, was, like, I did okay. But, uh, we did the retrieval, and, um, the eggs weren’t very good quality.

Uh, the fertilization rate wasn’t very high, and we only had two Um, embryos available for transfer, which then failed. So it was, it was sort of like a big wah, wah, you know, I thought I had done really well. I put all this, you know, effort in and then it just sort of all just went flat. So that was also really difficult.

So there was this whole sort of like part where I had built myself up and then I was like, okay, well I only have to do this once and I’m going to do this with the best of my ability. And then this is going to work because you know, there’s, you know, it’s totally fine. And then it didn’t. And then that was another sort of, um, a reckoning moment where I was like, okay, well now what?

You know, cause it’s, it’s, it’s not cheap and it’s lengthy and you know, you’re, you know, trying to modify your diet and do a bunch of stuff in there and, and, um, and so yeah, so that was really difficult. But then the first thing I said, I was like, okay, well now I’ve done it once now I’ve done it, what do I need to change?

And that’s when I started to do, um, I started to actually listen to this podcast. I, I started to go to my naturopath, I went to acupuncture, that’s when actually I started to really create, um, what you call the bump squad. You know, I have done this sort of sad sack. I cried it, I cried at every appointment.

I would be in tears when they were counting my, you know, my follicles and all of the fun stuff that has to happen. And I was just like, who am I like, this is ridiculous. And so then the next time I was like, no, what, this isn’t going to happen. So I actually put off the cycle for a full 90 days. I said, you know what, if it takes, you know, this long to do, you know, the egg quality stuff and all of this stuff, I’m going to, I’m going to push it off.

I’m going to do my next cycle. This is going to happen. We’re going to do a different protocol. I’m going to do the best I can and, and see what happens. And so I, you know, I really, I invested in, I, I started to do a morning practice with a meditation in the morning every day before work. So I was like, who do I want to be?

How do I want this day to go? Like one day at a time. And then I, you know, I, I always exercise a lot, so I just kept doing that. I changed my diet a little bit, not crazy again because, um, I’ve always been fairly healthy so it didn’t really require a lot of crazy things. But, you know, we, um, and then my husband and I, we just, we sort of said, okay, well, this is what we need to do.

So we just, we made some lifestyle changes, you know, really kind of simple stuff. Then when I went through the next round, it was like night and day. So same amount of eggs, but like 11 out of 12 fertilized and, you know, saved to fruition. And we had, you know. Um, we did a fresh transfer with two blastocysts and had four to freeze.

And so, you know, the, the difference was, was just really, really inspiring. Um, and so, you know, so that, that was really great. Um, it didn’t all, it didn’t all end that well either. There’s a couple of things that have happened since as well. Um, the fresh transfer didn’t work, even though we all thought it would, even the embryologist was like high fiving me on the way out.

I was like, okay, this is super fun. That didn’t work. The first fresh transfer didn’t work. And then the two remaining blastocysts that I had, I was told that they weren’t very good quality and normally they don’t freeze them. And, you know, I guess we could try them if you want, because they’re kind of like the last ones we have, but maybe we should do another cycle instead, or, you know, change some other stuff.

And then I keep asking these questions. I said, was there anything else we can do? Like, is there anything I need to be tested for? Or is there anything I can think of? Or, you know, like what’s, what’s going on? Cause there’s nothing in my numbers that are sort of, you know, indicating these kinds of results.

So, you know, what, what gives. And, you know, the doctor would just sort of shrug and say, Meh, no, well, you know, you know how old you are. And that was always just, there’s sort of this blanket, like, this is why, this is the catch all for why, why this is working. Right, when they can’t come up with anything else, they’ll be like, Yeah, exactly.

And I was like, this is dumb. Because I, I, I don’t believe you. Like, I don’t believe, you know, an age is literally a number because all of the results, you know, are, are fine. You know, there’s nothing that I have sort of, you know, Compromised by being this old. So we started looking for different clinics and we started to think about, okay, well where are we gonna get egg donation and what were we gonna do?

So then we started looking overseas and um, because they have some really good, uh, clinics overseas, the costs are a lot less and you can actually get like a little bit different protocols than we can get up here. So, uh, we found a clinic that we really liked. We did a bunch of research and did a lot of consultation with some doctors and we found a clinic that we really liked and started to do their testing.

So they had a whole bunch of other tests they wanted us to do, a full autoimmune panel and a bunch of other stuff. So I said, okay, sure, you know, why not? So we’re going over to do that. And it’s funny cause I did, I did my autoimmune panel at the same time as my HCD pregnancy test for this very last embryo.

And so we were sitting in this doctor’s office and I said, well, I’ve got all these tests to do. Should I do this last frozen transfer? And he just sort of shrugged his shoulders. He said, well, you know, you can prove me wrong. And I was like, okay, thanks, buddy. Wow. Okay. So I was like, uh, Oh, okay. And my husband just sits there and he looks at me and he’s like, you know what?

We need to play the hand we are dealt. He’s like, we need to play this room. And so I said, okay, but this time, this was our last chance, this is what we’re doing. And I said, this time I’m not doing the drugs because the last frozen embryo transfer, they had me on these drugs that, you know, to make it all artificial and clinical.

And I hated them. They did not react well with my system. They made me feel awful. They made me feel worse than the IVF drugs did. Like I really didn’t like them. I said, I’m going to do this one natural, they’d call it natural. And I said, cause I’m not, I’m not doing that again. There’s no problem with my ovulation, there’s no problem with my cycle, like, we’ll just do it my way.

And the doctor’s like, and he just shrugged his shoulders, he’s like, well, you know, it’s as good a chance as any kind of thing, right? And I was like, yeah, thanks. Like, if this is going to fail, at least I won’t be shooting myself up daily with something that’s going to make me feel like crap. So at this point, okay, so to, to catch everybody up, to make sure that we’re following all this, because by this point you had been through the ringer.

Yeah. IUIs that didn’t work. Yeah. You have transfers, three failed IVF transfers. Yeah. You had, uh, you know, people verbally abusing your embryos. You had repeatedly being told this was never going to happen. Good luck, you know, prove me wrong. All of this stuff. So there had to be something in you that was beginning to stir at this point, because here you are, you face the dragon of IVF, something that you had dreaded, something that you had not been looking forward to, and now you’re on the precipice.

Now you’re, you’re looking at clinics outside of Canada, you’re, you’re, you’re looking at all of these other things, having the conversation about, you know, donor sperm, donor eggs. I mean, totally going in a completely different direction. Yeah. But what I’m also hearing is something started to change in you.

What was that? Because I didn’t, well, I think it’s also when I feel, when I feel I’m being condescended to, I always feel there’s something else. And so I just wasn’t willing to take no for an answer. And I was like, there’s this not, this is not possible. And there must, you know, somewhere inside me, you’re right.

Because during that whole process, I went from this sort of sad sack individual. So this woman who was just like, no, I’m going to do this. This is what I’m going to do. I might not wake up every morning and feel the joy of the morning sunlight and leap around with, you know, daisies, but I’m going to put one step in front of the other and I’m going to do this thing and it’s not over until I say it’s over.

And that was really clear for me. And having some conversations with some doctors from other places, they gave me some hope. And talking to people in Europe, for example, where their geriatric cutoff is 48. Holy shit. And I was like, I need to give myself some perspective. So I was just like, you know what?

Hold the phone. Judgey Judy, we need to sort of sit down and figure out what’s going on here. And so I think through that, I just became, it was like dogged determination. Like I just became like a dog with a bone. I was just like, no, this is not like, this is not fruitless. This is not something I’m doing that, that is a dead end street.

Nobody has really told me no. They’ve just sort of shrugged their shoulders and said, we’re not so sure. So I said, well, unless you’re really sure, then I don’t believe you. Wow. So I just kept going. And I, you know, looking back on it, I’m like, you are a crazy woman, but I, what else is there to do? I was like, this is going to happen.

We’re going to make this happen. We can make this happen. We have fertilized eggs. I have a womb. It’s going to happen. And um, Yeah, so the day, the day I got all of the autoimmune testing for the clinic in Europe was also the day that I took the pregnancy test for this very last transfer, the natural one that I had put in and then promptly gone on two weeks worth of business trips and tried to forget about.

So I was like, whatever. So I had those tests on the same day and then the next day when the clinic called me. To give me my usual, um, what I thought would be my usual, you know, okay, you can stop the progesterone and come into the clinic and such and such a date. And this is what we’re going to talk about with next steps.

They called me and they said, okay, we’ve booked your ultrasound, pardon? OMG. Wow, okay. I was like, what, what, what? And I think the co nurse on the other end of the phone thought I was very strange. ’cause she’s like, you, yeah, it’s your seven week ultrasound for viability. I was like, okay. What? No, you’re gonna have to start again.

And she’s like, you weren’t expecting this. I said, oh, I was not. I was completely shocked. Okay, so rewind. So. You’re pregnant after all of this insanity. Tell the ladies what was going on in the background because there was something that was unleashed in you in this process. There was, you’re talking about this dogged determination.

You’re talking about leaving that sad sack, you know, thought process. What was going on for you in the background? How did you get there? I think there was a. I awakened something inside me I didn’t know was there. And it was sort of, I don’t know how to even explain it. It was kind of like I had a, I had a very deep sense that I, just like you say, you know, that I was meant to be a mother and this was going to happen.

And I started to sort of get, I don’t want to say angry, but a little disillusioned with the medical opinion. And so from that last transfer, when I said, I’m going to do it by myself. I’m going to do this the way I want to do this and you can help me or not help me, but this is the way I’m doing this. It went, I just had a feeling like, I don’t know.

I just had a feeling. I was like, no, this is just me now. It’s just, it’s just me and you baby. And I just went from there and it was, it, it was a slow shift. Like There were some parts where I shifted physically before I shifted mentally. I went through the motions that I knew I needed to do and hoped that sort of my mental and emotional state would kind of catch up.

And eventually it does. There was a lot of sort of faking it till I made it, right? Like I was just like, I just need to show up and just pretend that I am an awesome person even though I feel like I am dying inside. Right. Because. Yeah. Because, you know, I, I remember our very first conversation before you started the program.

Yeah. There was, I mean, the woman that I spoke to before you started the program was different than the woman who got to the end of the program. Like there was a market shift. Yeah. And so talk to us about that. I think, I think what was really. What was really helpful to me was when we, when we talked about things like creating a bump squad, when we talked about things like the women in your life, you know, and, and what femininity means to you and all of that sort of stuff, that really resonated with me because I have spent most of my life.

sort of rebelling, rebelling against that. You know, I consider myself a feminist. I work really, I know I work really hard. I’ve worked in, as I said, executive positions. And so there was a lot of that, that I was really resisting and I didn’t grow up with a whole bunch of sort of soft female influence. And I use soft in the nicest way possible.

Um, because that was a part I was missing and In, in a way, which sounds paradoxical, in a way, tapping into that softness made me a stronger person. I mean, how could it not? Yeah. I had to really own the fact that it was totally going to be okay for me to want this and to get this. To be able to do what I needed to, to do this.

And so I had these like weird little conversations with like future me and past me and baby and things that things that didn’t really exist really, but we’re all about like somewhere in there is an answer and I don’t know where it is and I don’t know where it’s coming from and, but I am sure that this is going to work.

And so, and I didn’t know what this was. I didn’t know when it was, but I just started getting more sure that things were going to work. Wow. That’s really incredible because when you think about, cause like what you’ve shared with us so generously is a multi year journey and so many ups and downs, so much insanity, so many hard conversations, so many tears, so many what ifs that.

When you got to this point where you’re beginning to work on yourself, you’re starting to ask yourself questions. You’re starting to open yourself up to the idea that you can have what you want, can do this in a way that honors your femininity as well as your strength. And you will wake in this part of you that says, no, I am not going to be pumped full of drugs.

I’m going to do this my way. I’m going to face this on my terms. I’m not taking no for an answer. When you really think about that, the transition for you between that point and finding out you’re pregnant was a very short period of time. Totally. It was as soon as I went from following all the rules to making the rules, that’s when it changed, right?

Because you got pregnant, like you got pregnant within weeks of finishing your program. Yeah. And that was incredible. It was. And that’s I think I think that’s why I was so shocked as well because I was like, Whoa, you’ve got to be kidding me. Now what? Because it was so, it was one of those things and something that I’ve reflected on quite a lot since, and I’m trying to actually bring into other areas of my life.

You know, they’re difficult, whether it’s difficult conversations or, or whatever else, I’ve always been a people pleaser. And so I’ve, and I’ve always been a rule follower, right? So I, I, I like to do the right thing. I like to be seen to be doing the right thing and what are the rules and what are the steps and I will do them and I will give you 110%.

And that is how I, you know, I get there through grit determination. Which is all well and good, except for the fact that sometimes you need to set your own rules and figure out what, what you need to put that grit into. And following other people’s rules did not work for me. Wow. I mean, that’s, that’s a massive transformation and, you know, you, I want to give you a lot of credit because you weren’t just some shrinking violet that treated this program like an academic exercise.

Like you were there raising your hand, asking questions. Emailing me between, you know, asking me, Roseanne, what does this mean? You know, what do I do here? And all that. And there was, I could see the transformation, like I could see it happening. I mean, this is why, like I, a lot of times, like I sit and I’ll watch y’all in the program.

I’m like, Ooh, she’s turning the corner, turn in the corner. And then, you know, it, it was clear. It was clear that you were going to do that next cycle differently, that you were going to bring out all of the thunder. And all of this new sound sense of certainty that you, you cultivated through our time together that, you know, whatever was, you know, whatever was going to show up on your journey, you were going to face that like a queen.

You’re going to face that like a warrior and that you’re not going to let anyone tell you no. Like when you sent me that email telling me you were pregnant, it didn’t surprise me. Not at all. Um, you were the only one then. Yeah, I mean like, because, but because I saw what you were doing. Mm hmm. And, and you probably at some level felt it too.

Like, damn right universe, damn right. Yeah, it was, yeah, totally. It’s, it’s weird and so you, and I, some of those things you only see when you, when you look back at it, right? But, you know, and, and when we think about the, the, the program and going through the exercises and listening to the other women on the calls and, and that alone is so powerful.

And that’s actually why, you know, I, I have loved and honored every woman that you’ve interviewed on this podcast as well, because I love listening to people talk about how, how they’ve gotten through their own journeys and what that looks like, because it’s, it’s a real thing that happens to real people and you don’t get prepared for this and you don’t get a.

spreadsheet for this and you don’t get a school for this. Um, and everybody deals with these things differently in a variety of different contexts. And having that perspective also gave me, I think a little kick in the pants and said, look, all of these other people are doing this with you for you, for themselves.

You were part of something bigger than this and you owe it to yourself and others to do this as well as you can. Wow. That’s really profound and, and I, you know, I really appreciate you sharing that perspective because we get really, it’s easy to get tunnel vision. It’s easy to get stuck in that victim mentality.

And I mean, think about it, let’s be honest, if you stayed in that victim mentality, where would you be today? Oh my gosh, I’d still be in the first support group I ever went to. I never told you guys about that, but that was ridiculous. I went to the first time I first cycle failed. I went to the support group that they had recommended and I sat in my circle and I listened to everybody go around the circle and everybody was in tears.

And then I told my story and then we all sort of hugged it out. And I was like, I am never coming back to this place again.

Wow. You know, I don’t, I don’t want to be in a shared pity party. I want to, I want to be in a circle of successful people. I want to be in a circle of people who are on the other side. Yeah. No. And so I was like, and if I can’t figure out how I, how to be in that circle, I need to at least pretend I’m already there yet.

You know? Cause that’s never worked for me. You know, I don’t, I don’t need, I know my situation is crappy. I know I feel like shit about it. You know, and so I don’t need to tell everybody about that over and over and over again. What I do need is to figure out what’s next, what’s now, where do we go from here?

Know, this is why the work is so powerful, because there’s an expectation. You get to be yourself, but you’re also, you know, feel what you need to feel you. You know you’re gonna be there. Yeah, that’s fine, but you’re going to be asked to do even better. You going. Absolutely. Yeah. And you have to be accountable.

And you have to be okay with the fact that, you know what? I really screwed that up. Like whether that’s mentally or physically, or I took the wrong perspective, or like, oh man, I’m in the dumps and I do not know how to get out of it. I mean, that happens a lot. It’s not like all of a sudden. It’s like, well, that’s not high five.

I’m just going to switch. I mean, it doesn’t happen like that. Um, no, no. I mean, so what would you tell? I mean, because you know, you’re here. You are. You’re how far along are you? Uh, 18 weeks, 18 week and a half. 18 and a half weeks. Those things are very important. Yes. Yes. Every minute and every day. So, so you’re at this place in your life and in your pregnancy that seemed so far away.

So long ago. Yeah. Like what’s one of the things like if you were going to break this down and speak to some woman who’s driving to work this morning and is Thinking that she can’t go on or is really worried that her dream is never gonna come true Like what would you say to her listen to what is inside of you and it sounds really trite But I don’t mean, I don’t mean just like that.

I mean, you know, things like do your research, understand what you’re doing. Don’t go into this blind. Think about your unique situation because everybody’s unique situation is, is their own. Take stats as information, not facts. You know, Google is your friend. Sort of, um, but only, only if you guys are having the same conversation.

Um, so take, take as much advice as you can, but then really go into figure out what’s good for you. And when things get really tough, the only way to get through them is to keep going through them. If you don’t have giving up as an option, then you won’t give up and you’ll get there. Wow. And what would you tell them about the role of mindset in all of this?

Would you tell them it was foundational? Absolutely. And as I said, it’s not, it’s not an airy fairy concept if you can’t get your head around the fact that this might be a marathon and not a sprint and you were just going to be okay through this whole thing and you need to put into place things for your mental and physical and emotional well being to make you do that.

Then that will, that will just help you because it doesn’t mean that just because you have a great mindset, that the things are going to work out super, super well all of a sudden, or it doesn’t mean that you won’t have terrible days, but you need to make sure that there’s something inherent in you and you need to get your head around the fact that you deserve this.

And this is part of something that you are going to go through and that you will succeed in on your terms. And if you decide that you want to take a different route, if you decide that you want to say, go adoption versus doing another procedure or do a procedure versus doing it naturally, that is up to you.

There is no shame in that. And that is part of your unique journey. Yeah, that’s huge. And I appreciate you saying that. When you’ve made a decision that you’re going to be successful, that also means that you’re going to show up for whatever shows up. Absolutely. And nobody gets to tell you how to do that.

You are the person that has to go home with you every night. So whatever, you know, whatever you feel in your heart, if something just really doesn’t resonate for you, if there’s, if there’s something that’s like, you would never like to do something with a donor egg or you would, or I can’t even tell you the million, million, million different options that people have in front of them, whatever that looks like for you, own it, love it, like ignore the haters.

They’re talking from their own perspective. They’re not talking about you and just really, really stick to your guns because that’s what’s going to make you successful. Wow, Danielle, thank you so much for being on today and, and being so generous, so real, so open with your story because your truth is going to light the way for someone else.

And it’s so inspiring because, you know, going from, you know, the geriatric label, all of these failures to like. Doing this crazy ladies, you know, program that’s unleashing all this stuff and then applying it and then weeks later, finally bringing your dream to pass. Like it’s what you’re showing us is how dramatic a woman can impact her own life, how dramatically she can do that when she flips that switch.

Oh, absolutely. A hundred percent. It’s just going to look different for every single person, but it’s a hundred percent doable. Yeah. No, thank you woman for, for being a wonderful example. And you know, every, I know that every woman listening to this is sending you nothing but love and is just rejoicing in your joy and delighting in the fact that you were the woman, you became the woman.

who made it happen and you’re, you’re just gonna inspire so many people. So thank you for being on with us today. Love. Wow. Loves wasn’t Danielle’s story and the truth she shared just phenomenal. And if there’s part of you wondering if that can be you, if you can flip that switch sister, listen up. Yes, you can.

My fearless, the fertile method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes, to covering their bases, just like Danielle mind and body. If you want to learn what she learned, come be part of my program. I’m only selecting a finite number of women to work with this year.

And if you’re hearing a hell yes, in your heart, join us. To apply for your interview for my Fearlessly Fertile Method program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com, and apply for your interview with me there. My methodology has helped women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results?

Just like Danielle’s. Speak for themselves. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, you’ve got a gaping hole in your strategy. My darling, let’s fix that shit and set you up for success. And don’t you dare give up. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the fearlessly fertile podcast.

Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember the desire in your heart, to be a mom is there because it was meant for you when it comes to your dreams. Keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.