EP63 Fertility & Faith: Hello Stranger…

Transcript:
Hey, gorgeous. If you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist, I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure.I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine, bad assery, and loads of hell. Yes. For your fertility journey, it’s time to get fearless, baby fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, Episode 63, Fertility and Faith.Hello, stranger. Hey loves! Woo! I’m so fucking thrilled to be in this series on faith. You’ve got to know that sharing this with you is a huge leap out of my own comfort zone because faith for such a long time was a desperately dangerous topic for me. If I’m completely honest with you, this is a part of me that up to this point, I’d only let very few select people actually see.If you listen to episode 62, which is the first in this series, you’ll know why. I was skeptical of faith. I didn’t trust it. As my faith grew though, and I began seeing so many synchronicities and proof that, as Gabby Bernstein so aptly states, the universe has my back. I felt like I was holding a precious, not so secret, secret.

So I’m truly honored and delighted that I get to share this with you. It is my honest desire that this discussion we are having about fertility and faith will help you with your own spiritual growth on this journey. Because sister, you’re gonna need it. I needed it. You need it. We all need it. Nothing is ever going to challenge you the way this journey does.

Take the lesson now so that when your baby comes, you can model this to them. It’s going to change your family for generations to come. In episode 62, I was clear. My position on faith was, Nope, I don’t need any of that shit. I got science and me and that’s it. I don’t need Gus, God, universe, source, belief, or any of that mumbo jumbo.

Egg plus sperm equals baby. And wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Gus showed me on numerous occasions that that was short sighted and frankly, ridiculous. So we’re going to talk about how I began to repair that relationship than my relationship with Gus. And in doing so, developed a level of trust in myself and Gus that I didn’t think was possible.

If you’ve read my book, you know that there was a moment on my journey when I hit rock bottom. I won a guilty verdict in one of the most important cases in my career as a sexual assault prosecutor. And on the same day, I found out that yet another one of my treatment cycles failed. I remember holding back tears with my back against the cold wall in my office and shrieking inside, Why the fuck am I doing all of this?

And then I just went numb. I felt like everything inside of me had been taken. Every hope, every dream, every aspiration. I was carrying an extra 10 pounds from all of the fertility meds. My body was bruised from all of the injections and my heart was broken. A few days later, I remember being in the shower at home and listening to music through a streaming service on my phone.

And mind you, my musical taste, if you follow me on Instagram or you know anything about me, My musical tastes are eclectic, but would never have included country music, praise music, or anything that even got close to anything Christian. That just would not have been in my playlist or anything that I would have chosen.

But out of nowhere, Darius Rucker’s song, True Believers, came on. And instead of flying into a rage, wondering if my husband had changed the station, for some reason I chose instead to listen to that song’s lyrics as I stood there in the shower. All I can tell you is that in that moment, I felt the presence of what I know in my soul to be God.

I cannot fully explain it, It still gives me goosebumps to say it and there’s still a tiny part of me that can’t believe I’m even saying this out loud, but I said it in my book so fuck it. In that moment, I felt more peace and love than I had in years. In that moment, there was a shift within me. Now, don’t think that this, it was all wine and roses from there.

That was just the beginning, but it was the lightning strike that I needed to move beyond the narrow, sad, negative bullshit story that I was stuck in of being victimized. And more importantly, being alone, I saw this as an invitation and, and I see it today as an, the invitation I needed to reconnect with something that had become a bit of a stranger to me.

I decided to start a conversation with whatever that was my prayer every single day. And frankly, sometimes minute by minute, my prayer was simple. Please just give me some signs. and keep me in mind. Give me some signs and please keep me in mind. I did this with an open heart. I wasn’t playing some kind of weird game of chicken with Gus.

I wasn’t asking for those things as a skeptic, like, Hey God, I’ll believe in you if you strike my boss in the head with a bolt of lightning and have a camel cross the 101 right about now. No, I just did it low key, as if I was gently asking for consideration from someone that I had lost touch with. Think about it.

You wouldn’t just go up to someone you lost touch with and ask them for ten fucking grand. You might ask them if they have a pen you could use first, right? So, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. But that’s what I did. I literally just did that. Just give me some signs, and please keep me in mind. And I did that with an open heart.

Very quickly, I began seeing synchronicities that can only be described as grace showing up in my life. Loving experts, teachers, healers, coaches, game changing books, and signs began popping up in my life everywhere. It was also interesting how allowing myself to embrace the fact that something out there was working for me, not against me, gave the perspective to look at my checkered fertility past from an entirely new view.

For years, I saw my failures as punitive and evidence that I wasn’t enough. I even toyed with the notion that I was asking for too much and that things in this life just have to be hard. When I allowed myself to see those things instead as gifts from something wiser than me, I could see that instead of them just being punches to the gut, they were actually nudges in the right direction.

That doesn’t mean that in the moment they weren’t painful. The pain was indeed real, and There was the proverbial silver lining repairing my relationship with Gus required me to keep asking the question, how is this happening for me? How is this happening for me? This was a lot of work on the front end because my negative bias was so deeply entrenched.

What kept me going, though, was the humility that comes from hitting rock bottom. My old way wasn’t working! Living my journey from the neck up, acting as if I had all the answers, and that cold logic, reason, statistics, and medicine alone. Was going to get me. My baby was going to pull me out of the show that my life had become and do this miraculous thing that I wanted with all my heart wasn’t working.

This is why I consistently and lovingly bark at my ladies. Neck down. Neck down. You are trying to have a baby. The most important shit you need for that is found from the neck down. And I say that with the authority of a woman who has actually done the fucking work. Because I began to see how, in fact, so many of the things had actually happened for my good.

Leaving clinics that didn’t give a shit about me to find ones that did. Giving me a chance to figure out who I was. Opening up opportunities for me to deepen my relationship with my husband. To change the way that I think and believe forever. To build a belief in myself that I never thought possible.

And to end the decades long estrangement that I had with Gus. Because here’s the real deal, Gus was always there for me. Gus was there the whole fucking time. I just couldn’t see it. I was so trapped in my own ego, so wrapped up in the negative bullshit story and thinking that the only way was my way, and that if it didn’t happen on my timeline or exactly how I expected it, that it must have been fucked up.

But the whole time, and I can see this now, and this is why I’m sharing it with you, so you can, you can benefit from this wisdom, is Gus had my back the whole time. Fucking time and Gus has your back too and think about that for a second because on this journey We get really stuck in a what have you done for me lately mentality when it comes to faith We say hey, you fucked me over the past six months Show me the money right rather than having some fucking humility to see the whole Picture to see the whole truth because check it you are still breathing You still have a period.

You still have a uterus. You still have ovaries. You are still in the fucking game. And whatever you’re facing today, you still have you. And as you sit there listening to this. You’ve got to, my darling woman, pull your head out of your ass and see how fucking blessed you are. And I get that your baby may not be here yet, but if you stop to think about what an earth shattering gift it is that you actually woke up this morning, I bet you would be hard pressed to feel aggrieved.

You have another day to swing the bat, another day to draw breath, another day to keep saying hell yes to your dream. Okay, and this is not like to make you feel small. This is to fucking lift you up. You have this desire in your heart because it was meant for you. But the only thing that is going to get in the way is you not seeing that.

Okay, so repairing my relationship with faith was a result of two things one getting grateful for all the good Gus had always brought into my life even if I didn’t recognize it as that in the moment the second thing was Being in conversation with him. And for me, I like thinking of Gus as in the masculine.

Not really sure why, personal preference, but you do you. Two critical things. Getting grateful for all that Gus had always brought into my life, even if I didn’t recognize it at the moment. And being in conversation with Gus. I started moving through my day in a constant internal conversation with Gus.

Asking for guidance, asking for what was true. I realized that relying on old fucked up patterns that obviously weren’t working was stupid! Simply put, instead of just looking at the current circumstances in front of me and the narrow interpretation we have with our limited imaginations, I started looking up.

I started looking to something higher than me. I got humble and made Gus my first resort, not my last. And I can tell you, loves, Gus has never let me down. That doesn’t mean that shit doesn’t get crazy or that everything comes easily. But I can tell you that the journey becomes sweet. When you do my faith led me to see that it was all happening for me and my world changed.

My world literally reorganized itself to show me that things were happening for me. And over time, this relationship got stronger. I began trusting myself knowing that gust worked through me. It fueled my intuition and wisest decision making instead of making choices from fear. I started to look, what am I not seeing?

What is the opportunity here? What is available for me here and really leaning into that trust. This was game changing. Really get this in your heart. Like any lifelong relationship based in love, it didn’t happen overnight. But it happened! Because I realized that without it, I’d never truly be the woman or the mom I really wanted to be.

And look loves, faith isn’t just important because it’s going to change your perspective. It’s critical because faith is the cornerstone of surrender. Surrender in our context here isn’t about giving up. It’s about letting go of the endless agonizing about the when and how so you can enjoy your life and allow, notice that, allow this baby to come to you instead of blocking it with your fear and negativity.

Without faith or belief, surrender will be impossible. Surrender is a super deep topic and I will cover that in another episode, but suffice it to say, faith and surrender go hand in hand like peanut butter and jelly. When I let faith Gus and belief back into my life. There were so many things that effortlessly fell into place.

I could finally exhale for the first time on this journey. I could feel myself getting excited about allowing things to unfold, seeing it as an adventure instead of punishment or some kind of indictment of my desires. I had to be willing to get out of my own way, see things differently and tell myself the whole truth.

The whole truth. Was that Gus was with me the whole damn time. It was only upon looking back that I could see all of the dots connect. And you want to know one of the funniest things is that when I think back about having my son at 43 naturally, despite all of those years of fertility treatment failure, all of the long face looks and all of the statistics and all of the things that could have knocked me off course.

It was clear to me that Gus had brought me to that point as a setup to show me that he doesn’t care about my past, nor does he give a crap about time. Those are human constructs. They’re made up and they’re judgments. In my heart, I know he was basically saying, Girl, I got you, boo. You’re gonna have this boy and know that it was me.

You’re gonna know it was my work. And it just makes me smile to think about that, because if you hold on to the belief that you are always taken care of, You open your heart to the idea that things could come to you in ways you never even imagine. Based on my crazy fertility past, I would have never thought having my son naturally was even in the cards.

And I really hope you take that to heart if you’re freaking out today about time, your age, or your fertility past, because divine intelligence, the exact divine intelligence behind the Big Bang isn’t worried about what day it is and certainly doesn’t give a fuck about your age. It will find a way to deliver.

So loves, I hope this has given you some insight, maybe, you know, brought a completely different way of looking at faith. into your purview when it comes to repairing what might be a relationship of estrangement with your faith from the unique perspective of a woman who had to come a long way with her own and is by no means perfect.

So here’s an exercise to take our discussion to the next level. One, get out of what have you done for me lately mode when it comes to your faith. The truth is over the course of your lifetime, the universe has had your back. You might have fertility journey induced amnesia about that shit, but it has, it absolutely has.

So make a list of 25 holy shit blessings you have had in your life. Maybe it was a car accident. You avoided a healing, achieving your professional aspirations or meeting your partner. You have been and will continue to be blessed. Being grateful and being willing to acknowledge your blessings is not intended to keep you small.

In fact, it is. An encouragement is an invitation for you to keep asking because clearly Gus has deep pockets and has deep pockets for you, baby. You have enough evidence in your life right now. If you make that list. To see that you have a reason to have faith. Second for the next seven days, start your morning off with a simple two word prayer.

Thank you. Before your feet hit the floor, connect with your higher power and just say, thank you. That is actually a complete prayer. So give it a shot. And third text the link to this podcast episode to someone who you think could benefit from it. Screenshot this episode and put it in your Facebook or Insta story tagging me.

My darlings, faith is about finally seeing that things are happening for you, not to you. That kind of peace is priceless and it’s damn good for your fertility journey. My fearlessly fertile method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases, mind and body.

So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with soul searing regret. I work with women who are committed to success. To apply for your interview for this program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for time with me there. My methodology is to help women around the world make their mom dreams come true.

Their results speak for themselves. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, my darling woman, you’ve got a gaping hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success. Don’t you dare give up. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast?

Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.