EP66 Self Sabotage: Spot It. STOP It

No matter how goal oriented and well intentioned we are, EVERYONE engages in self sabotage of one form or another. Sometimes it is blatant, but more often than not, it is super sneaky and subtle. It may not look like a big deal at first, but cumulatively it can create a huge gap between where you are today on your journey…and where you actually want to be. Learn how to spot the sabotage AND stop it!

Hey gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist, I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure.

I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine, bad assery, and loads of hell. Yes. For your fertility journey, it’s time to get fearless, baby fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile podcast, episode 66.

Self sabotage. Spot it. Stop it. Hey loves. Between our series on faith and the interview we did with Miracle Mama Myrna, I hope you are flying high with excitement and possibility for your journey. If you haven’t heard me say this recently, let’s be clear about one thing. The desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you.

Gus put it there. Not sure about that? Be sure to listen to episodes 62, 63, and 64, our series on faith. They will tune you right up. This week, I want to get super practical with you. Because while all of this inspiring shit is amazing, I know there’s a part of you that is wondering, but Roseanne, how the fuck do I get there?

The answer to that question has a lot of layers and moving parts that are different for everyone. There is no one size fits all, bite size candy bar solution. Every one of us has to roll up our sleeves and do the work. Just think about all the women you’ve heard on this podcast. Not a single one of them was lying around on her couch waiting for someone to clean up the mess in her mind for her.

She took responsibility, got her ass lovingly kicked by me, and she created new, more amazing results. This is why my Fearlessly Fertile method program is structured the way it is, and it has staying power because we take a multi pronged approach. This isn’t just feel good bullshit. It’s about creating foundational structures that you will use for a lifetime.

It is about supporting your success on this journey, indeed, and it’s going to impact your entire life as a mom. I teach tried and true principles backed by evidence and coach you through them so that they can be tailored to your unique set of circumstances. Learning how to apply these lessons in your life is key, my darling.

One critical, game changing skill every woman who intends to succeed on this journey must develop is the ability to spot her own self sabotage. Everyone engages in self sabotage of some kind or other. Everyone. Why the fuck do you think top performers in just about every industry has a coach? Steve Jobs had a coach.

Oprah has coaches. Anyone with any aspiration for success has a fucking coach. Why? Because they aren’t willing to roll the dice with their dreams. They understand they are their own worst enemy. And their coach is part of their insurance policy against that self sabotage. What’s hilarious is the people who don’t think they need a coach are usually the ones who need it the most.

But as any smart coach will tell you, the best coaches, we go where we are wanted, not where we are needed. So if you’re listening to this podcast, I’m going to make the assumption that you want some coaching. And while I might not be your coach yet, I’m going to give you a little gift. It comes in the form of a game I call Spot the Sabotage.

It is as simple as its name. Spot the way you sabotage yourself. Chances are you do it many times a day, every day. Remember, we all do it. Self sabotage doesn’t have to come in some epic, glaring, dramatic package. Sometimes it is super subtle and nuanced. If you’ve read my book, you know that our internal saboteurs can be sneaky as fuck.

Self sabotage can come in many flavors. Here are some examples. Going to bed too late. You know, you need rest. Strong mindset requires energy, but instead of getting your 40 winks, you spend an extra half an hour torturing yourself with your illicit lover, Dr. Google, who only takes and rarely has shit to give.

Mindset is excruciatingly difficult to maintain when you are tired. So yes, going to bed too late is a form of self sabotage. So is saying no when you meant to say hell yes. Do you find yourself just saying no to stay in your comfort zone when your heart is screaming fucking hell yes? I bet you can think of tons of examples.

of that classic saboteur move in your life. Saying no when you really wanted to say hell yes. How about blaming other people for your circumstances? Love, this one is a pain in the ass because sometimes we do it and we don’t even realize we’re doing it. Blaming other people for your circumstances is self sabotage because it denies you the opportunity to look at your own role in the matter and take loving responsibility for it.

Here’s another thing, letting fear, what ifs and lack and scarcity thinking run your life. That is a massive form of self sabotage that I see women day in and day out engaging it. And it is heartbreaking because it is based in fucking lies and just fucked up thinking that is not going to set you up for success.

There are a few things that will torpedo your dreams faster than fear, lack, scarcity, what ifs. And all of that nonsense. It is toxic. Another way people self sabotage is making boring excuses that are laden with bullshit. Uh, that’s too expensive. The answer that I have in my mind to that every single time I hear that shit is, what is it costing you to not do the thing?

If you’re trying to convince yourself that organic food or getting coaching is too expensive, you gotta ask yourself, what is it costing you to not do any of these things that you know you wanna do? Or people also tell themselves, I don’t have time, this is too hard, other people are just lucky, things are just hard for me, my partner won’t let me.

Oh my god. You’ll hear me say this a thousand times, but it’s one of the saddest, most embarrassing ways that women sabotage themselves. It is horrific. I have said it before and I will say it again. As an adult fucking woman with a brain, no one lets you do shit. It is 2020. Your partner is your partner, not your parent.

Quit making that excuse and quit sabotaging yourself with that crap. The other thing is people say ridiculous things to sabotage themselves like, if it was going to happen, it would have happened by now. Really Nostradamus? Thinking that things happen necessarily in a logical and linear fashion on this journey will also torpedo your dreams and will take you out of the game and necessarily put you in a position where you are missing opportunities left and right.

Don’t do that to yourself. Quit sabotaging yourself with that nonsense. The other thing is procrastination. Are you putting shit off that you know you’ve got to do? Are you accepting treatment from other people that sucks massive ass? That counts as self sabotage as well. Because then you find yourself isolated or being beat up by people that are supposed to love you.

Okay? And then you’re not going to do the things that you need to do. Because you’re, you’re buying a line of bullshit that just doesn’t work. You might also find yourself failing to speak your mind and stand up for your truth. Maybe you are endlessly beating yourself up and not giving yourself the forgiveness and respect that you know you deserve.

That’s a huge form of self sabotage, because you’re thinking to yourself, well, why try anyway? Another thing that women do to self sabotage is they tell themselves, I’m already doing everything. Really? Everything? Chances are the whole truth is that you’re holding back on the one thing and from doing the one thing that scares the shit out of you.

So be careful about that. Chances are you aren’t doing everything. Look around. There’s probably something you’re longing to do that you’re just not doing. Just keep it in mind. The other thing is hiding what’s really going on for you from your partner or failing to ask them for the support you desire.

That’s another way that we sabotage ourselves unnecessarily. I bet that if your partner really understood where you were coming from and really what mattered to you. They might have a very different opinion, and you might have just made a whole bunch of shit up that isn’t true about your partner. Give them a shot, give them a chance.

You might also, and this is huge for my lovably type A control freaky ladies, Another way that you might be sabotaging yourself is telling yourself you have to do this all by yourself. Look, I get it. Y’all dominate in your profession and every other aspect of your life. This journey is totally fucking different though.

It is not the same as landing your ass in a C level position or in the executive offices. Succeeding on this journey when you face real challenges is an entirely different skill set, and you gotta learn it. Love, I know there are a myriad other examples of the way we self sabotage on this journey. These examples should give you a good idea of how self sabotage might be at work in your life.

You might be thinking, yeah, that’s me. Yeah, that’s me. And, you know, and that’s awesome because here’s what’s awesome about noticing your self sabotage. Is you get to do something about it. What’s awesome about noticing how you shit all over your dreams with self sabotage is you give yourself a chance to do something about it.

Awareness empowers action. Awareness empowers action. That’s a key piece of the puzzle that separates those who succeed in life and those who don’t. And this certainly isn’t the first time what I’m about to say has been said, and I am certainly not the only person saying it. People who succeed acknowledge they don’t like their circumstances, and they fucking do something about it.

They quit attending their own pity parties, get up, brush their teeth, get dressed, and get on about the business of living a life of fulfillment. Not regret. My darling woman, love yourself and your dream of being a mom enough to do the same, precious one. Do the same. Commit to living a life of fulfillment on this journey, not regret.

And I know, it was a little tough love for you this week, my darling, and here’s the deal. Anyone who really gives a shit about you doing better for yourself is not going to candy coat this shit. They’re going to love you enough to ruffle some feathers. And they aren’t going to hold anything back. So here’s an exercise to take our discussion to the next level.

One, take a good, long look at your day so far. We’re just working with one day. How did you sabotage today? Remember, this isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s about something far more intelligent than that. Awareness. When you are aware of what you are doing and not sleepwalking through your life, just repeating the same old bullshit patterns, you become aware.

Identify exactly how you sabotage yourself, your success or your goals today. Keep in mind, as I explained earlier, self sabotage can be a series of seemingly innocent, inconsequential choices whose cumulative effect is disastrous. spot it so you can stop it. Next, ask yourself, what are you going to do about this?

Now that you have the awareness, you have to decide what you are going to do about it. The decision is simple. Do nothing or do something. When you’re sabotaging yourself, just about any momentum forward in the direction of your success is a win. What are you going to do about this? Awareness without action is what your saboteurs live for.

That negative voice in your head loves it when you are aware that you need to make a change but don’t do shit. All it means for your saboteurs is they get to run your life and while you go back to sleep. When you spot the sabotage you end its stronghold with bold, positive, Action. Third, my darling woman, text the link to this podcast episode to someone you think could benefit from it.

Screenshot this episode and put it in your Facebook or Insta story. Tagging me spotting yourself. Sabotage is some courageous shit. Love. When you have awareness, you put yourself in the position to make better choices that will actually support your success. And as I explain, once you spot the sabotage, you’ve got to have the mindset, tools, and strategies to do something life changing about it.

Women who succeed on this journey refuse to let self sabotage stand between them and their babies. Fuck that. My Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say, hell yes. To covering their bases, mind and body. So they don’t have to look back on this time in their lives with soul searing regrets.

I work with women who are committed to success to apply for your interview for this program. Go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for time with me there. My methodology has helped women around the world make their dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves. And sister, I got a gang of women scheduled to come on this podcast that are just gonna blow your mind.

So if you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, love, you got a gaping hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success. Till next time, change your mindset. Change your results. Love this episode of The Fearlessly Fertile Podcast. Subscribe now and leave an awesome review.

Remember the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.