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One of the things we agonize about on this journey is “wasting” time and energy. What’s crazy is there is a common mistake we make DAILY that is the real cause of such waste—but we might not even realize we are doing it. Learn what this waste of time is AND the clutch move that will yank you out of its clutches. Every. Single. Time.
Transcript:
Hey gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist, I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure.
I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine, bad assery, and loads of hell. Yes. For your fertility journey, it’s time to get fearless, baby fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile podcast, episode 67, the number one cause of wasted time and energy on this journey.
Hey, loves, this week’s episode is inspired by some contemplation that I was doing recently. Can you believe we are almost halfway through the year? It blows my mind that this time, almost three years ago, I was just 22 days from having my son, Asher. I was sooooooo pregnant. My ankles were swelling like crazy, I was agonizing over whether or not I had everything ready for his arrival, and I was obsessively watching YouTube videos of first time moms prepping for their deliveries and undoubtedly sobbing through those videos with so much joy and anticipation.
And as a side note, around that time I had hardcore pregnancy lips. I thought Kim Kardashian just made that shit up to hide her face fillers. But I, Roseanne Austin, can personally attest to the fact that pregnancy lips are real. Huge upside, ladies. I can’t wait for you to find out for yourselves. And I kind of wish I had them back, but I digress.
Rest assured that my reflection on that time wasn’t solely about all of those external things. I spent a lot of time, and still do, thinking about the woman I have become and continue to become as a result of my fertility journey. One thing that keeps or kept coming up over and over again is how much time and energy we waste worrying about other people’s opinions, triangulating what they might be thinking, and trying to convince others that we are right.
In my opinion, it is the number one cause of quote unquote wasted time and energy on this topic. We expend so much energy on shit we can’t control and pay very little attention to that which we can. You are the only piece of this puzzle that you can control, doll. You. I remember in the last 22 days of my pregnancy doing coaching calls with my clients while I was in bed with my feet up so my feet wouldn’t swell, and thinking to myself, Holy fuck!
I can’t believe I’m here! I mean, I could believe it, because I had envisioned it, not only being pregnant, but serving women all over the world, and I had developed the mindset of a woman who succeeds in order to support that, and I was taking action from that place, but all of that still blew my mind.
Because if I had continued listening to all of the naysayers, haters, and long faced lab coats subordinating my truth to theirs, I know without a doubt, I would not have been there. Just 22 short days from meeting my boy face to face for the first time. At forty fucking three, naturally. In the early days of my journey, I’d get on fertility message boards and social media for hours.
I’d be sucked in by all of the bitching and complaining. People whining about how no one understands them, how the government should do more. And railing on and on about how everyone else should be more sensitive and not ask stupid questions or say certain words. Diatribe after diatribe, the focus was on what other people were doing or what was unfair outside of them.
And I get that. Where all of that comes from and the underlying feelings are valid. But the payoff for swirling in that unmoderated mess was just more negativity and helplessness. Negativity without an offer of real solutions. It feels great to voice our shit for sure. Could the rest of the world be more educated about this journey?
Absolutely. But if you aren’t addressing what’s going on within you, All of that is just a distraction. It’s a distraction from you and your responsibility to you. By distracting yourself with what everyone else is doing or saying, you aren’t dealing with what’s going on with you and the responsibility you have to yourself in this life.
It’s the essence of the victim mentality. We distract ourselves with meaningless shit, like what babydust3758 thinks about our chances, instead of deciding it doesn’t matter what the fuck that person thinks. We’re doing this. The only thing that matters is what you think, doll. And, by the way, I made that handle up.
Any association or connection it may have to a real or fictional person, dead or alive, is purely coincidental. Because Let’s look at this. Say, for example, everyone outside of you did use the perfect language around women on this journey. Would that really do anything lasting about the pain of it? It might make interactions with others a little more comfortable, but it would do nothing about what we do to ourselves on this journey.
And here’s one of the biggest lessons I learned on my journey that I want to impart to you. The real battle is within. Nothing anyone outside of you says to you about you can be worse than what you are saying to yourself right now. It’s not what other people say or do. It’s what you say to yourself as you are lying in bed at 3 in the morning staring at the ceiling.
That’s the real danger. Jumping on the bandwagon of a cause may make you think like you’re doing something, but you have to ask yourself, are you really? This is why even when we seemingly fix shit on the outside, we can still feel hollow on the inside. If we spent half the time and energy focused on ourselves that we spent trying to fix and convince everyone else We’d be fucking free of most of the bullshit we torture ourselves with on this journey.
It’s the rookie mistake of living from the outside in as opposed to living from the inside out. And trust me, I did that shit for years, and it was so gross, and when I finally figured it out, it was like a frickin revelation. What is going on within you right now is going to directly shape how you see and view this journey.
This is a fact. It can’t be escaped. It is simply how our brains are wired. We are wired for confirmation bias. So if you see this journey through a lens of lack and scarcity, that is all you will see. Your brain will provide you with all of the evidence you need to confirm lack and scarcity. Your brain will build the case that your life sucks, you won’t succeed, everything is expensive, and there isn’t a baby out there for you because some other woman’s pregnancy has stolen your baby from you.
Can you see just how this fuels flames of jealousy and self hatred? It’s revolting. None of that shit is actually true. It’s made up. It is merely a perspective. It is not an indisputable fact. What is undisputed is your success on this journey begins and ends with you. You. And you alone. This is why it’s a grand waste of time to be worried about what anyone else thinks about your dream.
Think about it. Are you really going to let a physician, unsupportive spouse, friends, your family, or haters dictate what you are going to do with your precious life? Those people at some level have good intentions, but at the end of the day, they get to go home and live their lives. They aren’t going to be thinking about you.
You are the one that has to live with you. Ew! You heard me say this before and I’m saying it again because it’s incredibly important. Sometimes we have to hear things hundreds if not thousands of times in many different ways at many different intervals before it actually sinks in. Repetition breeds mastery.
Stop wasting your time and energy worrying about what other people think. Quit using other people’s opinions as your fucking compass. You have one that you were born with. Gus gave you an inner compass, my love. Fucking use it. Be smarter about how you invest your time and energy. If you’re gonna go on a crusade, go on one for you.
Lasting change comes from the inside out. That means focus on what you think. Focus on what you believe. Focus on where you are headed. Know what you want, backward and forward. Not a goddamn statistic is gonna matter if you are 100 percent sold on your own failure. Think about what every woman you’ve heard on this podcast share.
And you know what? Maybe it’s a great time to go back and listen to those episodes. Because they were basically saying exactly this. They had to change inside before they could change their outside results. This is massive, my loves. This is why it is a grand waste of time for you to be more worried about what other people think than spending time critically and, and so importantly on what you think.
So here’s an exercise to take our discussion to the next level. One, be honest with yourself about exactly how much time and energy you give right now. to what other people say or think about you and what you are doing on this journey. Be honest. Do outside influences derail you? It’s one thing to be smart about taking in expert opinions and, and being a great arbiter of those things and filtering for yourself the role that any piece of information that comes into your brain.
Filtering that and using it in a way that actually supports you versus handing over the keys to the castle, which is your brain and letting everything everyone else says totally fuck with your head. Really be honest. How much of a role does what other people think and what other people say derail you?
Okay, remember, this is about awareness. It’s not about making you feel small, and it’s certainly not an accusation. Awareness is empowerment, baby. Second, train yourself to go to the image of what you desire for yourself when you catch yourself starting to go down the road of caring more about what other people say and think.
Then what you think. Create an image in your mind of what you want for yourself on this journey and luxuriate in that. Do not allow what other people think and what other people say take you from that. Guard the door with a fucking crowbar. It doesn’t matter if it seems fucking impossible right now. Go to your image, the image you create of what you want.
Quit living someone else’s image for you. Fuck that. It’s tainted with all of their fears, their programming, and their bias. Get so good at holding the image you have for yourself, and for your baby, and for your journey. Get so good at holding that image that what you create in your mind is way more enticing than anything anyone outside of you has to say.
Spend more time on your vision than anyone else’s. When you feel yourself being pulled down the nasty road of everyone else’s fear, go back to your image instead. Start training yourself to do that. And third, text the link to this podcast episode to someone you think could benefit from it. Screenshot this episode and put it in your Facebook or Insta story tagging me.
My darling woman, we are halfway through the year, and I realize I’m inviting you to do some courageous shit here. That’s two weeks in a row, sister. It’s probably the polar opposite of what you’ve been taught to do. To be a nice girl, take your medicine, and do what people tell you to do. Because asking questions or taking a stand for yourself is awkward and may make other people uncomfortable.
Fuck that! Take responsibility for yourself. And I understand that doing that is some scary shit. It means that you are in charge of you. There is no one else to blame and no excuse to point to. But what do we know about blaming excuses? They’re the hallmark of victimhood. Refuse to be a victim to that shit.
Gus gave you free will. Exercise it in a way that will leave you smiling upon your deathbed knowing you lived your fucking life. And just think about it. Think about where you could be a year from now if your mind was trained and if you learn to focus more on what you want than what anyone else has to say.
Think about where you could be a year from now if you focused on your vision, not the noise coming from the outside world. When you focus more on what you think and your vision love, you can make quantum leaps and be in places a year from now you never thought possible. It’s super exciting and revolutionary shit.
Love, my Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases, mind and body, so you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret. I work with women who are committed to success. To apply for your interview for this program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for your interview with me there.
My methodology is to help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results. Speak for themselves. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, love, you got a gaping hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit.
And don’t you dare give up till next time. Change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the fearlessly fertile podcast. Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember the desire in your heart, to be a mom is there because it was meant for you when it comes to your dreams. Keep saying hell yes.