EP94 Addicted to Struggle? Just Say NO

If you catch yourself at times thinking, “Shit, when am I ever going to catch a break,” turn this episode up on blast. Whether you realize it or not, you might be stuck in a pattern of struggle that has now turned into an addiction of sorts. Learn WHAT this is and WHAT do do about it.

Hey gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey, just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, Episode 94, Struggle Addiction. Just say no. Hey mama, woo! It is so good to be with you this week. Can you believe this year is almost over? Shit! In just over two weeks, we are going to be in 2021. It really blows my mind how much has transpired this year.

Not just in the world. But what has happened in the lives of the women in my fearlessly fertile method community? You know, that roving band of unstoppable beat the odds women as well as in my own life across the board, it has been about growth, quantum leaps, and indeed miracles this year. And I got to tell you what my ladies have created this year, not only in making their dreams of being a mom come true, but in the way they show up in their lives, how they quit being invisible.

And how they learn to use what they think and believe to their advantage. is over the top phenomenal. It’s fucking breathtaking, and Mama Bear is so, so proud. A critical ingredient of the transformation my ladies see in their lives serves as inspiration for the idea I am sharing with you this week.

Struggle addiction. As lovably type A control freaky professionals, there are many of us running around laboring under the slow, grinding thief of joy known as struggle. I have no idea who coined the term struggle addiction. I just know it’s effects not only as someone in recovery, but also as an observer.

If you listen to any of the episodes of this podcast with my ladies, you understand that I work with some truly extraordinary women, women who educate themselves and our peak performers in their profession and in their lives, their commitment to excellence, Not just in their lives, but on this journey is why they choose to work with me.

They aren’t willing to roll the dice with DIY. And as the amazing Steven Pressfield says, they go pro. Now, there is an important distinction that needs to be made between the truly admirable traits of commitment, discipline, persistence, and struggle. Being committed does not require struggle. Being disciplined does not require struggle.

Nor does persistence require struggle. None of those admirable traits that keep women putting one foot in front of the other on this journey, by definition, require struggle. None of them. Merriam Webster’s online dictionary defines struggle, used as an intransitive verb in our context, in two ways. One, to make strenuous or violent efforts in the face of difficulties or opposition, and two, to proceed with difficulty or great effort.

Let me go nerdy lawyer on you for a moment as we consider this definition of struggle. What’s plain as day, according to this definition of struggle, is that struggle is an attitude toward the difficulty or opposition. Look carefully at the adjectives associated with it. Strenuous, violent, great effort.

Struggle connotes a state of mind. This definition is silent on the idea that struggle is somehow a requirement of the particular situation. Now, if you’ve been listening to this podcast long enough, You know that when it comes to state of mind, we have a choice. Remember, we’re talking about our state.

Unless you have a mental illness so advanced that you can’t tell right from wrong or control your faculties, you have a choice. Loves, this is some exciting shit. It means that the buck stops with you when it comes to the way you think about any opposition or quote unquote difficulty that you face. We are not hapless victims of a runaway mind.

We, as sentient conscious beings, have the power to select our state of mind. Struggle, therefore, is an attitude we choose, and you get to make a different choice. Struggle addiction, therefore, as I see it, is the pathological commitment to overcomplicating and making things difficult. There may be part of you that’s thinking, If struggle is a choice, who the fuck would ever choose it?

It sucks! My answer? Is lovable, well meaning, big hearted women like us make the choice to struggle all the time? The smarter question is two fold. One, why do we do this? And two, what do we do about it? Let’s deal with the first question, and that is why. There are myriad reasons why people choose to struggle, so there’s no way we can get to all of them.

So let’s look at a big, common reason for choosing struggle. It’s a means of getting love or esteem. Think about it. Since you were little, you were probably told to work HARD. Success comes at a steep price. And that the people who get what they want struggled. Achievement and success were shrouded in folklore that exalts pain, suffering, and an element of misery.

Those who achieved success with relative ease were likely painted as thieves or unworthy of such success, since they didn’t struggle for it. Bottom line, many of us were raised with a warped view that esteem and success in life requires struggle or it’s not worthy. If you accomplish success without pain and suffering, it is somehow less valuable than the success of someone whose success was bathed in misery.

The premise here is the prerequisite for quote unquote worthy success is struggle. Do you see how crazy this is? Who are we to judge anyone’s success? And check this out. This is why if your mindset is set on the notion that the only way to get love or esteem from those around you is by struggling, you will create that pattern.

You will make simple things difficult because struggle in your mind is a prerequisite for love, esteem, and belonging. Eek! Just think about the havoc this pattern can wreak on your journey. What opportunities will you not take because you are so committed to struggling? What help will you not ask for because success is supposed to be hard?

What will you keep doing DIY, do it yourself, Instead of getting expertise that will help you get there smarter and faster than you ever could on your own. How might you keep yourself banging your head up against the wall unnecessarily? Are you one of these people that you’ll read about 10 articles about what you’re supposed to eat?

Instead of hiring a fucking nutritionist or hiring an expert on diet to help you like what if you just get off the DIY? Track and start getting some serious professional help. How long have you been listening to this podcast? Wanting to do something about your mindset, but never actually doing it Like why don’t you get your butt in the fearlessly fertile method program and actually have the accountability tools and structure?

To actually make the change in your mindset that you’ve been telling yourself you would do all year. But up until this point, because perhaps you got some struggle addiction going on in the background, you tell yourself you’ll get to it later. Maybe you’ll read that book again. Maybe you’ll try it for a week, but you find yourself in the same old position every month over and over repeating the same old pattern, getting no different results.

That’s no bueno. That does not honor this desire in your heart. If you want a different result, you have to do things differently. Now that you have some sense of why we get into struggle addiction, the question becomes, what does someone do about this? The answer is simple. You have to change the pattern.

You have to learn to use your thoughts and beliefs differently. You have to learn better strategies for controlling what you think and believe, and no one else can do this for you. This is a skill set. The awesome thing is you can learn it. You have to break the addiction with new thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.

It’s plain and simple. And I get, simple isn’t always easy, but you know what? That’s, that’s part of being a mom. That’s part of the preparation for being a mom. Now, I want to be really clear about something, pointing out that we have a choice when it comes to struggle is about identifying the fact that you have license and agency in your life.

This isn’t about blame. And if you catch yourself wanting to go into, Oh my God, Roseanne’s trying to blame me for my situation. All that is, is a saboteur trying to distract you from the very real change that you know in your heart you got to do. So don’t fall for that bullshit. It’s just another distraction.

It’s shiny object syndrome that is just going to keep your saboteur well employed. So this is a chance at freedom, my darling. That is why I’m sharing this with you. And If this is ringing some bells, that’s great. And I get that there may be some hard truths here that some of you won’t want to hear and probably might not like me much after hearing this.

But you know what? That’s fucking fine. If by calling your attention to this ruinous pattern, I can help you clear the unnecessary block standing between you and your baby, I don’t give a fuck what you think about me. And I say that with love. I get to go to sleep at night in peace, knowing that you might not like what I have to share right now, but you will.

In the long run, be better for it. You will remember that you are made in the image of the divine and you are worth more than struggle. You have more potential, you have more power and you have more truth in you and it deserves to come out and be free from the bullshit of struggle. And you know what? If you might make a different choice tomorrow that can make all the difference in the world that will make the discomfort of hearing this so worth it.

So take it with the love that is given my darlings and drop the judgment. Just be willing to change your programming. I also want you to take this to heart that look, you are good enough as you are. You don’t have to struggle or prove yourself to anyone in order to get love or esteem. Your success. And the success that is your birthright, you’re already worthy of that.

You don’t have to work your fingers to the bone or, or suffer throughout your life in order to be worthy of what is coming for you. None of this desire for your child has to rob you of the joy that is your birthright. In fact, ending the struggle will grease the wheels to your success like nothing else.

And think about all of the women in my Fearlessly Fertile community that you’ve heard on this podcast. They found a power within them that ended the struggle addiction. They found a gear they didn’t know they had. They used their thoughts, beliefs, and new patterns to support their success, not hinder it.

You have the power to do the same, doll. You just have to learn how. So here’s an exercise to take our discussion about struggle addiction to the next level. Come clean about struggle in your life. Step one, identify where you create struggle in your life. Remember what we talked about earlier, you have a choice.

So this is your opportunity to own where you make your own messes, my darling. Remember this isn’t about blame. This is about awareness, empowerment, and really unleashing the license and agency that you have in your life. So get really clear on that. Identify it, write it down. The second step. What do you get out of that pattern?

Remember what we talked about and don’t say nothing because you aren’t a stupid woman. You choose struggle for a reason. You simply have to know your reason. You don’t have to stay there for five years trying to figure it out. Just go with your gut. You are way more emotionally intelligent than you think.

So trust your instinct here. Dig in with your intuition. What are you getting out of it? Then make a decision to do something about it. And third, if you love this podcast and the free content I provide every single week, rain or shine, one of the best ways to show your appreciation is to take a moment right now while you’re listening and give this podcast a five star review.

Not only does that make me and my team smile, it helps other women find us. So take five seconds right now and do it. It’s time to get off the struggle bus like sugar and other addictions. It’s doing nothing to help you on this journey. You want better results. You have to think, believe, and therefore take smarter action.

None of that requires struggle. In fact, approaching your journey with fearless ease can usher in a level of personal success. That struggle will block my fearlessly fertile method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say, Hey, yes, to covering their bases, mind and body.

So you don’t have to look back on this chapter in your life with regret. Mama, I work with women who are committed to success to apply for your interview for this program. Go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodology, as you have heard all year, has helped women around the world make their mom dreams come true.

Their results speak for themselves. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, girl, you got a gaping hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for the success. That is meant for you till next time. Change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the fearlessly fertile podcast.

Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember the desire in your heart, to be a mom is there because it was meant for you when it comes to your dreams. Keep saying, hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.