EP16: The Journey Is Preparation

Learn a new, more empowered way of viewing the twists, turns, disappointments, and pain that show up on your fertility journey. If you apply the principles I teach, you position yourself to say goodbye to victimhood and powerlessness for good!

Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist, I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure.

I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey, just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey. It’s time to get fearless, baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 16.

The journey is preparation. My darling ones, I am delighted to be here with you this week as we discuss a thought that has been a near constant clanging in my mind since I had what I would refer to as the revelation on my fertility journey. That was the moment I realized after years of disappointment and heartbreak that things were happening for me, not to me, on this journey.

In that moment, despite all of the crazy shit my husband and I had been through, I became 100 percent certain our boy was coming. This is when I said to myself for the first time, I may not know when, I may not know how, but I know my baby is coming. Certainty is a holy grail moment on this journey, because it means you are no longer spinning like a hapless victim, quivering in fear that it will never happen.

You know it is going to happen. When you know it is going to happen, you step into your role as a powerhouse leader, and you can start being the woman who isn’t leaving without her baby. There may be some of you that doubt this is possible, but, as a woman who lived this journey and has helped women around the world get to that place too, I can assure you, it’s not only possible, it’s your fucking birthright.

You just have to step up to the plate and decide you’re going to join us. The foundational thought that makes all of what I’ve just described possible is simple. This journey is preparing me for my role as mother. The good, the bad, and the sometimes ugly. It is all preparing me. This journey is not punishment, it is preparation.

If you’re thinking to yourself, Rosanne, this sounds like some make the best of a shitty situation denial lace bullshit sandwich. Think again. Whatever you are going through right now, my darling, is preparing you to be the best fucking mom you could ever be. I remember thinking early on in my fertility journey that I knew it all.

I was ready for this baby. I had my shit together. I was rocking my role as a lead trial attorney in a sexual assault prosecution unit. I was putting sexual predators in prison for life. I was living in a beautiful home, had a super fun car, great friends, my dogs, an eye watering collection of Manolo Blahniks.

I was traveling the world and most importantly I had my husband, the love of my life by my side. I figured that if I had all of that in place and all of the outward trappings of success, I was ready for this kid. No, I wasn’t. My hubris had blinded me to the fact that I had a lot to learn. You see, on the other side of that bright and shiny picture I just painted for you about my life at the time would reveal a deeply insecure woman who mastered having it all together on the outside.

But on the inside, deeply questioned whether or not she was even worthy of love. On top of that, I was living trapped in the grip of gnarly perfectionism. I had poor boundaries with work, I was a people pleasing maniac, and in retrospect, I could see that I had been handing so much of my power over to the quote unquote experts on this journey.

I was without question setting myself up to fail. I was not ready. When I think of the mother I might have been back then to my precious boy, I straight up shudder. The woman I was back then was not worthy of him. The woman I was had a lot of work to do. There were times since Asher was born, like when we had to rush him to the ER to get five stitches in his eyebrow when he was just over a year old, that I’ve thought to myself, thank you God for preparing me for this moment.

Because the woman I was 10 years ago would’ve acted dramatically different and may have been temporarily incarcerated instead of being the woman I had to be in that moment when it arose. I say that with love and a lot of compassion. Was I a monster? Absolutely not. I was and am fucking fantastic. But the lessons I learned and the woman I had to become on this journey prepared me for being the woman I know in my heart.

I needed to be in order to be the steward for this incredible blessing named Asher Douglas. Did I ever tell you that he is so amazing that he named himself even before he was born? That’s a story for another time, but it simply illustrates how incredible this boy is and why I can see now there were some incredibly important lessons I had to learn in order to prepare for him.

I’m sharing this with you so that you can give yourself a chance to explore this idea for yourself. My story is interesting, but the point of sharing it is so that you, too, can begin working with this idea and apply it to your own journey. My darling, this is not about being perfect. It is about being aware of the opportunities we have on this journey to sharpen the proverbial saw so we can refine who we are and level up to meet the precious little people that will be our children without taking the time to develop that perspective We get so impatient with where we are that we start beating ourselves up, punishing ourselves for being broken, and even questioning whether the universe has somehow put us in the corner because we’ve done something wrong.

That’s some self absorbed, entitled bullshit right there. Stop it. Now. Please. Instead, I invite you to start asking, How is my journey preparing me for my baby? How is my journey preparing me for my baby? To give you something to work with as you explore this idea, here are some of the things I had to learn.

One, I had to learn to trust my instincts. I had to stop handing my power over to other people expecting them to have the answers. This meant doctors, healers, and just about everyone around me. I had to take responsibility for me and the results I wanted to create, even if they didn’t make sense to everyone else.

I had to learn whopping patience. I had to stop judging myself and everyone around me, which was a hard thing for a former prosecutor. I had to stop prosecuting myself and let go of the idiotic notion of perfectionism. Here’s a side note, perfectionists rarely get things done. And you know what, when they do, life is pretty fucking miserable in the process, so I had to get over that.

I also had to reconnect with my faith, establish a relationship with my higher power. And I had some real baggage there, for which will be the subject of another episode, but just know I had to figure that out. I had to learn how to be in the moment, allow things to unfold and surrender. I also had to get out of this lack and scarcity programming that I grew up with and see that there was abundance all around.

Those are just a few things, but important things. Every single one of those lessons I needed to learn in order to mother this boy in the way he deserves to be mothered. I’m so fucking glad I did. It makes me want to cry when I think of how the broken down, limiting beliefs I had about myself, I could have polluted him with.

What I learned before I got pregnant with this miracle boy, and the lessons that I’ve learned along the way, they’ve all empowered me to lead him without the limited notion of what is possible that I grew up with. No disrespect to my folks, they did great. But there was plenty of room for growth. This is why, when you start looking at your journey as preparation, the wallowing in victimhood goes away.

You can see there is a higher purpose in what you’re going through, and that this child you pray for every minute of the day will benefit because of it. For those of you who have a child today and are struggling with your journey to the second, third, or wherever you’re headed in your family, this lesson applies to you, too.

As the saying goes, new level, new devil. As a mother of two or more, you, too, will have to up level. Your family will be different, so you, my darling, one, you must be different. Your journey is now about preparation for having exponentially greater demands. Your thoughts and beliefs about what’s possible by the very nature of what you’re doing must change.

If you are smart, you will see it and be open to the lessons that show up. You deserve it. Your family deserves it. What gets us to one place isn’t likely to be the thing that gets us to the next. We must rise to the occasion. Another way of saying this in a more direct way is we’ve got to get over ourselves.

One of the reasons this journey can hurt so bad is we make it all about us, our pain and our suffering. While all of that is legit and real, it’s not the whole picture. We make the process of getting to our babies an indictment of us, our worthiness, and whether or not we can ever be happy. If you take a minute to think about that, it’s fucking short sighted selfishness.

We make it all about what this chapter in our lives is doing to us, rather than being great leaders in our families, stepping back and asking, what lesson could this be teaching me, so that I can be one hell of a mom? The clutch move for any woman who wants to break the cycle of self loathing, misery, and circling the drain on this journey is to open your heart and have the humility to say, How might this be preparing me for my baby?

I can tell you, going back to the example I gave you about Asher in the ER, the woman I used to be would have made that incident all about my pain, my fear, and my self righteousness. I would have been all caught up in how I would have been doing things differently. That could have had awful consequences that would have seriously fucked some shit up.

I am so glad I learned to take the lesson instead. This is what great moms do. In my opinion, it’s all about our responsibility as women who live this journey to learn whatever lessons we can so we can impart them to our miracle babies. We can teach them to live without the shitty beliefs that have held and do hold us back.

I can tell you that I teach Asher every fucking day that he is a miracle and can do anything he puts his sweet little heart to. That’s not because I want him to be some kind of megalomaniac. I simply want him to step into his power as soon as he possibly can. Now, these lessons won’t just help us impart healthy esteem in our children.

It’s all about giving us the self awareness that will help with the very nature of our role as mother. Lessons like patience, communication, and self acceptance will help us navigate the awesome craziness that will come into our lives by right of being moms. Motherhood is so much more than anyone can possibly describe to us, so I won’t attempt to do it here.

But I can tell you this, that in almost two years since Asher was born, I have called upon every last lesson I learned on my journey, and then some. The way I’ve responded instead of reacted to things, that have shown up in my life have demonstrated a level of emotional maturity that blows me away. These lessons served me in my marriage, in my business, and even ushered me into my role as an author as my team and I prepare for the launch of my book.

This journey can be a very rich time in your lives, my darlings, if you are willing to see it that way. As one Miracle Mom to another, please consider opening your heart to this idea. You will thank me for it. Not just because it will help you see your journey in a whole new light, you will feel so much fucking better!

It’s so exciting to think of how truly ready for this baby you will be when they get here. So here’s an exercise to help drive this point home. Bust out a piece of paper and start harvesting the lessons. How might even the worst moments on your journey be preparing you for being a mom? Ask yourself that question.

Spend some time with us. If you are ready to get out of your own way on this journey so you can set yourself up for incredible fertility success, my darling, let’s have a chat. Access to private coaching with me will be changing rather dramatically, so if you’ve wanted the chance to coach with me one on one, the time to do it, baby, is now.

Go to my website www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for a breakthrough session there. My methodology has helped women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Let’s see if working together makes sense for you. Until next time, change your mindset. Change your results. Love this episode of The Fearlessly Fertile Podcast.

Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.