Femininity & Success on Your Fertility Journey

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Letting your masculine energy dominate the most intensely feminine thing you can possibly do in this life is a mistake. In this special XL episode, with special guest Rachel Burch, The Transformation Maven, learn about the masculine and feminine energy within us—beyond silly stereotypes, and how intelligently marshaling your feminine power can make this journey pleasurable AND turn you into an irresistible magnet for your baby.

Transcript:
Hey gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey, just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless, baby. Fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile podcast, episode 23. Are you living your journey like a man? Whoa, my loves, this week we are diving deep into a subject that does not get much play on this journey. And, for some people, it can be a touchy one, but let me put this out there right up front.

The subject of femininity, at least within the context that I teach about it, has nothing to do with gender stereotypes, gender roles, anything like that. When we’re looking at the subject of femininity, which is something that becomes elusive and mystifying to those of us on this journey when we are So lovably type A, control freaky, perfectionist, hard working, kick ass women who dominate.

It can be a really interesting subject for us, right? Because All of the qualities that have helped launch us into our careers and what has helped us be so successful in our professional lives actually does not work so well when it comes to making babies. Now that’s not to say that you can’t be in your go, go, go, do, do, do mode at least at some point in your journey.

But as with anything, anything that falls out of balance, anything that is too one sided in either direction doesn’t serve you. And this week we’re going to do a wonderful dive into the subject of femininity on the fertility journey. We’re going to be talking about intelligently using the masculine and feminine energy that exists within you.

Now I know, I know, I know, if the idea of feminine and masculine energy both being inside of you is a little scary, trust me. I have brought on one of the coolest experts out there on femininity and her name is Rachel Birch, a very dear friend of mine. And whenever I think of femininity, I think of Rachel.

So not only is Rachel a transformational coach, she is a comedian. She is just amazing. She is also the creator of the Transformation Maven podcast. So I can’t wait to pick her brain. So get ready, my loves. We’re going to be talking femininity. You asked for it and you get it. So I hope you love it. Here’s my conversation with Rachel Burch.

Okay, Rachel. I am so excited to be here with you today because when I think about the topic that you and I are going to be chewing on today, you are the first person. That I think of, and I am so grateful to have you here and, and to have you to help demystify this topic because I think that’s actually what it’s going to take is demystifying the subject of femininity.

And what’s so hilarious to me is that you’ve got two former attorneys talking about femininity, which is hilarious. And we’ll get into it. Why exactly that is hilarious, but I want to welcome you onto the podcast and introduce you to my ladies. So everyone, this is Rachel Birch. Hello ladies. I’m excited to be here.

I’m really glad to have you. So, so tell us a little bit about yourself and, and why the hell you know something about femininity. Okay. So, you know, as you mentioned, I was an attorney. Um, I was an attorney for 10 years. I did business litigation and then I was a general counsel, which is the kind of epitome of masculine next to being a prosecutor.

I think it’s probably as masculine as you can get in that profession. And A series of events took me to being home to really focus on my son and his wellness journey. And I went back to school and started learning about health. I started learning about relationships, spirituality, all of this stuff. This was all new to me.

When I went to school, it was, you know, like the Socratic method and property and community property, real estate, all that kind of stuff. And this was, Meditation, yoga, spirituality, kale, you know, green juice, um, and it, it really got my attention. It was the opposite of, you know, what I had really been looking at.

And the more I dove into the area of being a coach, the more I learned about femininity and the more I realized that my soul was like craving femininity. I had. You know, kind of been raised also by a more masculine mother figure and she had been raised by a masculine mother figure. And so this element of femininity, which we, we, we all have, but it was missing in the sense that I didn’t really know how to tap into it.

It just kind of got pushed to the side. And I love that description because I really identify with that. And I know that my ladies are going to identify with it as well because, you know, as a former prosecutor, I mean, If somebody came at me talking about femininity, I’d be like, what the fuck are you talking about?

What are you drinking? Like, you know, I’m wearing heels. I’ve got lipstick on, get the fuck out of here. And, and I have a vagina. So I know something about being feminine, but. But that’s not what we’re talking about, right? Exactly. It’s funny because when you mention that, I’m thinking like, you know, like a long sundress, but not like a cute sundress, like one of those like little house on the prairie sundresses and like a parasol and like white gloves.

Like you want me to do that? Is that what you’re talking about? And no, we’re talking about like, Energetic femininity, these kind of characteristics. We’re not, I mean, yes, appearance and beauty is, is, is a piece. The feminine can be shown through that in whatever kind of way that you want to, but it has really nothing to do with that.

And I think another stereotype is that it’s kind of like a weak or a more submissive. I mean, there’s a lot of misconceptions around femininity. It’s not a, Yeah, and, and so we’re going to break that down and I, I love that you, you put that out there too, because if somebody came at me, I mean, well, actually even backing it up when you are in a position like you and I were as attorneys or you are in some other profession where you’ve really got to be at the top of your professional game, like a physician or.

Nursing, banking, engineering, whatever it is. It seems like in the work world, the masculine is what we operate in. The get it done, multitask, take no breaks, anyone who takes a vacation is weak. You know, these very typical things that we’re fed, that are societal constructs of what it means to be successful.

We can get really caught up in that and think that taking time Or paying attention to our feminine is like, yeah, I’ll get to it when I get to it. Um, or something that’s weak and it means that we’re slowing down or we can’t handle the responsibilities of our jobs. So let’s talk about like, let’s really break it down what it means to be in feminine energy.

And you had, you had kind of talked about, you know, masculine energy and feminine energy. So how would you define that? Yeah, no, definitely. I think that’s actually what started my journey and finally understanding what we’re talking about was kind of making these distinctions. So like you talked about the masculine energy of doing so the feminine kind of counterpart to that is being.

Right? Like, just kind of, they talk about being open to receiving. Receiving is the feminine energy. Giving is the masculine counterpart. So they work hand in hand. They’re kind of, you know, these, these opposites, but they work together. And so the masculine energy is the, is the analytical, is the thinking, is the head.

And the feminine energy is the feeling, it’s the body. It’s the kind of patient allowing side, and neither is stronger or weaker. You actually need both. So when you’re trying to create something, manifest something, have a goal, for example, you have to do the work being in the masculine, and then you have to be in the receiving place where you’re actually receiving the fruits of your labor.

So if you stay in that masculine do, do, do, that energy can actually stop you from receiving. So you have to kind of, like you have a left foot and a right foot, you have to use both and shift. If you were gonna walk up the stairs using only your, you know, right foot first, it’s, it, and you’re dragging your left one, it’s kind of clunky.

It doesn’t work as well. You gotta flow with left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. It’s, it’s kind of like that. Mm hmm. Yeah, and I think that’s, that’s a wonderful way to describe it, and for most of us, like, especially those of us who are super type A, lovingly control freaky, sort of overachieving, We have a very developed sense of doing, very developed sense of the masculine and actually it’s really interesting what you just said about the giving is actually a masculine trait because in a sense, by giving, you’re sort of doing, right?

And we just get into this mode where I think as women, we’ve been fed this line that, you know, we have to do it all. And, and so, you know, we’re, we’re captains of industry, we are, you know, nailing it at home, we’re nailing it in our relationships, and then there’s often very little left for us. Right.

Absolutely. And that’s the part that I think was the biggest eye opener was, we think when we’re taking care of people, When we’re taking care of kids, when we’re taking care of friends, when we’re taking care of our spouse, that that’s a feminine kind of nurturing energy, but that’s actually more of, you know, there’s the caregiver and the caretaker, and when you’re giving, giving, giving, you’re in your masculine.

And we think of it as being in our feminine because we think, you know, of like moms are being motherly or nurturing and it’s, it’s very different. And that’s why it’s exhausting. And that’s why, you know, they say, as we always say, like, you got to put your oxygen mask on first because that is you. Taking care of yourself so that you can take care of others.

So it’s the feminine masculine kind of balance. The control is masculine, the doing, doing, doing that’s the masculine. And it’s very, very important. There’s you, you can’t get things done without the masculine, but the thing that most people, the thing that I neglected. To do was to shift back into the feminine when it was necessary and to use them both simultaneously.

So That’s kind of the that’s why they talk about self care and really taking care of yourself. That’s allowing intuition meditation That’s all the feminine Yeah, and I think you, you state that wonderfully, and I think it really is about marshalling these energies and using them intelligently, because it’s absolutely unsustainable to be in either one indefinitely, because you’ll, you’re either rendered completely immobile by being in your feminine, shit doesn’t get done.

Right. Or you are in complete burnout when you’re in your masculine. And you know something about this, particularly when it comes to the fertility journey. So what would you say about that? So, um, yeah, I mean, that’s a thing. Both of my boys, I have two boys, 10 and three, both of them are miracle babies. The first one took Medical intervention.

And the second one took divine intervention. It was just kind of, you know, I, I say he wanted to be born. Like I had already given up on having a second. I had had the discussion with my husband, like, you know what, we are, let’s just travel. Let our son six now, you know, we’re free, you know, and, um, and giving up that control and the forcing you.

Um, is what allowed him to come along when I was, you know, almost 40 years old. I mean, it was, he is a miracle. And so it was really turning that over. But when we talk about receiving, being the feminine, think about that. You’re receiving, you know, the sperm, you’re receiving your baby, you’re, you have to be open.

to receiving what you’ve been praying and, you know, wishing and working towards. And that’s when you really shift into the feminine. If it’s all the masculine, the appointments and the this and the research and the stressing, it’s not going to happen, as you know. Yeah, I think one of the things is that we just get stuck in that mode because we don’t know how to switch.

You know, what do you do when you’ve, when you’ve researched until your eyes are bleeding and You know, what do you do after all of that stuff? And that’s the thing. I think this is the gap. This is the thing that isn’t talked about very often on this journey, or at least. Spoken of in a way that women like us can, can hear it because think about it.

You got to admit sister, 10 years ago, if somebody was talking to you about being in your feminine, you would have told them to fuck off and quit drinking. Right? Like pretty much pretty. And actually there’s one thing that I, I, I actually, when you’re talking, when you’re saying like, let’s speak it like it is.

Okay. So pleasure. Is the feminine, right? And when you’re in this, like, I need to make this happen. There was a woman I worked with, another attorney. And I mean, she was like insane when it came to having a baby. She was talking about like planning a trip. Her husband wanted to go to like Europe and it was like, no, I’ll be ovulating, you know, in like three months on that.

And I was like, Oh my God, go. To Paris, you know what I mean? Go to London, go to these places. And the two times that I’ve gotten pregnant with my two boys, I have to tell you, it was like the best sex because I wasn’t like, I mean, I tried. Having sex and then putting my legs up the wall and putting the pillow under me.

And I sat there for like half an hour. Cause the longer I was there, like the more likely that those, you know, sperm we’re going to get to their destination. And the two times that it was like, you know what, like, fuck it, let’s just do this thing. You know? And I was really like connected with my husband and enjoying myself.

That’s when I had a baby. I mean, it’s, you know, when I, when I got pregnant, it’s not surprising to me looking back that the more pleasurable, the more feminine I was doing the act, that’s going to give you the baby, the more successful I was all the other times. Misery and for my husband too, you know, yeah.

No, I totally know because we conceived Asher after this Amazing European trip. I don’t know I mean, maybe the ladies are gonna take away that they need to get their asses to Paris or something, which I highly recommend Yeah, highly And, and there’s something to be said for having trips like that, but I think what was different, really, was the state of mind.

Inherently. You know, do you have to go all the way to Paris to do that? No, it’s super awesome, but what I think what you and I are touching on here was a state of being. Absolutely. A hundred percent. I just think, like, just, really, Giving it over to, you know, receiving, I mean, just receiving pleasure, right?

Like, receiving all that life has to offer, just really being pumped up about where you are in your life in that moment, not focused on the fact that you don’t have a baby or you don’t have, and you want it. That’s where that state of mind was. Transformative. I mean, amazing. Miracles are born from that.

Absolutely. And I think that this has application even for women that are trying to conceive through treatment. Because I remember, you know, having such a closed off, not receiving Attitude when I’d go have an embryo transfer, like, or, you know, I was having IUI, or one of the other zillion things that I did, like, I remember being so frightened, so closed off, and not even thinking about what it means to be open, because, I mean, essentially what you and I are talking about is being physically open, spiritually open, open to just possibility.

Energetically open. Yeah, absolutely. And I think that’s why I want to make the point of saying, Hey, it doesn’t really matter how you’re doing it, whether you know, you’re in a doctor’s office or whatever. You really want to try to harvest that, that part of yourself, really open up that part of yourself and, and be open.

So let’s talk about that because, and I just want to say too, even if you’re going the route of adoption, this applies. I mean, this is a principle that applies to whatever you’re trying to. Manifest the more you can be open and be enjoying life energetically, the things you will receive the things that you are after.

And if it’s a baby, it’s going to come however it’s going to come. And if it’s something else, you know, like it can come that way too. So I think it’s like you said, it’s medical, it’s adoption. There’s no better way to increase your chances than to put yourself in receiving mode. Yeah, so let’s talk about how one gets into receiving mode because if we think about this From the perspective of the women, we were 10 years ago and somebody telling us to get into receiving mode, you know, aside from suggesting they get help, like what are some of the things that help you?

And then I’ll talk about some of the things that helped me get into receiving mode. So let’s first of all say, what is receiving mode? And then we’ll break it down from there. We’ll do our lawyer tricks, we’ll define the term and then we’ll, we’ll, we’ll explain it further. So, for me, receiving mode is, um, giving over control.

Like, the control is the making it happen, the doing. Receiving mode is really being open to what God’s source, the universe has for you. And sometimes it’s not what you think, you know, so really being open to receiving in the very general sense, connecting with source. And so for me, you know, Self care things are a great starting point, but back in the day, if I had a massage, I’d be thinking about my to do list, and I’d be, I would be obsessively in my head, so even though it was relaxing my muscles and my body, it wasn’t relaxing my mind, and that is the part that really needs to be Thank you.

Um, relax to be in receiving mode. So I try to do things that remind me to connect to source, God, the universe. Cause if you are open to the belief that all things come from quote unquote source, whatever your belief system is, God, the universe, whatever, it comes from outside of yourself. You’re not the one that’s responsible for making everything happen.

then you are handing over power to whatever that higher power is that’s receiving. And so for me, it’s reminding myself that I don’t have to do it all by myself. And what that looks like is meditation. My meditation looks like a walk by the ocean. I can’t sit quietly. My mind is too active for that. I try it but everybody has their own, you know way of of meditating So mine is going on a beach walk with with nothing playing no Audible books or things like that.

The other thing it looks like is I have ways to connect to spirituality So I do a practice where I heard another coach talking about this and I loved it and I and I started doing it I will hit shuffle on my iPad or my iPod or my, you know, iTunes and I will receive kind of a message through song, guidance, divine guidance, um, or things like angel cards.

I love, you know, I did that actually right before a call kind of, um, okay, what’s in store for me next? You can ask, you know, anything from give me guidance on today to give me guidance on your life. You pull a card and you receive guidance, you receive divine inspiration. So that’s kind of. What it looks like for me to get into receiving mode is really connecting with the source of what’s going to be Given me the stuff that I want.

Oh, I love that. I love that and our you know, our practices aren’t are not dissimilar in that sense because you know since playing with this topic and learning to to really appreciate and build on my feminine which I absolutely had to learn On my fertility journey, because when I realized that I was living my fertility journey like a man, I understood that it didn’t make any sense.

I’m like, I’m trying to have a baby like a man. This doesn’t make any sense. So, so what I had to do, and this is, you know, I think we agree inherently that femininity is about being open and receiving and it’s about also opening up that connection with something bigger. Um, we’re not talking about religious dogma.

We’re not talking about jumping on some crazy bandwagon, but really getting quiet and opening ourselves up and just taking some time to reflect and opening. That aspect of ourselves to guidance, to intuition, to inspiration, and just possibility. Because I think that’s really what it is as well, is being able to just say, Hey, let me just see, I’m gonna close, I mean, I have a hard time slowing my brain down too, but I usually just, you know, get into meditation.

If I find myself wandering, I just yank myself back. And so I actually do a more traditional type of meditation, but I also find like what you’re doing about, you know, walk or something like that. I think that’s really cool. It’s really just finding some way to open yourself up. And, and hear your own thoughts, like your own wisdom.

I think that’s another aspect, another very strong and persuasive argument in favor of really marshalling the feminine, is because we have such strong inner wisdom that if we just fucking listened, we’d have the answer. Absolutely. Most of the time we know the answer, we’re just not brave, is maybe one way of looking at it.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Or maybe we’re just not adept enough at hearing that voice because the more and more we use it, just like any kind of muscle, the stronger, stronger it gets. Yeah. It’s really interesting. And then you start to see synchronicities. Well, I think it’s self doubt and the lack of trust that can often, I’m so glad that you brought up intuition.

Cause that is like the, one of the main pieces of femininity and one of the things that’s really served me. One of the examples I give my clients cause so that they can actually see what I’m talking about is when I was going for a big monetary goal in my business, I did all the things, right? I did all the work.

I reached out to all the people. I did all the posts. I did everything. And I, I didn’t know what to do next. And so I sat down and I just kind of asked for divine guidance, like, God, what’s next? And the answer could have been anything, right? It could have been do a Facebook live or reach out to this client or whatever.

But what I heard was go on a walk and it was like, really, you know, like, was that Rachel or was that God? Like who said that? You know, but I trusted and I went on the beach walk and I felt really great when I got back and I thought, you know what? I’m just going to sit on the couch for a little bit. And what I didn’t realize at the time was that I was putting myself in receiving mode, right?

I had been in masculine. I needed the walk to transition me So some people will take a bath. Some people will light candles whatever meditate. I needed the transition So I sat on the couch and in that moment On my phone a paypal came through of a pay in full like final client that actually pushed me over My goal and so the divine guidance that I got in not so many words was Get yourself into receiving mode like you did the work get into receiving mode And so that was huge for me because it wasn’t like I needed there was nothing else I needed to do but as I start to listen to my intuition it always guides me to the right place So I just love that example Because it’s like I went on a walk to the beach and I sat on the couch and that’s how I hit my goal You know Yeah, well, that’s the thing.

Like, what if having what we want doesn’t have to be so hard? And particularly in the context of the fertility journey, like, we’re just so stuck in go, go, go mode that we sometimes forget. We forget why we’re doing this shit at all. Yeah. Right? Like, We take all the pleasure out of it. I mean, that’s the thing.

Like you said, having a baby doesn’t have to be so hard. And I know this is an oversimplification, but it’s like having sex, which is one of the like greatest things in the world is what gets you a baby. And I know, like I said, it’s an oversimplification, but if we really focused on the pleasure, putting it back in, it’s.

Part of that process or even again, if you’re going through the adoption process, like why not have a lot of sex with your Partner right like and feel happy and tap into that kind of energy It’s just it doesn’t have to be so hard. Like you said it doesn’t have to be so Just pushing it has that like real pushing It’s needy, it’s grabby, it’s kind of that, it’s the sort of repulsive energy, like, you know, it’s like the guy that liked you in high school that was bordering on stalker behavior, it like, just drove you away.

Like, it’s grabby, and it’s weird, it’s not the kind of energy that you want to be welcoming. this baby with. And so, so let’s talk about really what it takes. I mean, let’s give, you know, we’ve given some examples of what it’s like to be in receiving mode. So let’s talk about, you know, how do you even know if you’re in receiving mode?

Cause like, you know, I know my ladies, they’re going to be like, okay, I’m going to, you know, I’m going to take a walk or I’m going to do some meditation. I’m going to do all this, but they’re going to want to know if they’re doing it right. Right. So one of the ways that I know I am in receiving mode is it just feels soft, like it feels effortless.

Like I will literally say, okay, I’m just gonna, I’m going to lean back. I am just going to lean back and receive whatever comes my way. I know I’m taken care of. I know what comes to me may look a little different, but I’m open to it. Yeah. Like that’s how I know that I’m in receiving mode because it doesn’t feel like effort.

So how do you know when you’re in receiving mode? Well you hit the nail on the head when you said they’re going to want to know that they’re doing it right. That’s so masculine. That’s so controlling and, and I, and I speak from sadly so much experience, right? Like even to, even, you know, now I can recognize like, Oh, I’m trying to control the process.

And so I know I’m in receiving mode where I can just feel that I’m totally trusting that whatever is supposed to happen Is going to happen so i’m not attached to an outcome Because attaching to an outcome is that thing that you were talking about where? The guy in high school is like trying to get you You know what?

I mean? Like if he just showed up and was cool with Whoever he attracted, he’d be in receiving mode, you know, and he’d get, get a girlfriend. But like, that’s the thing, when I went on the walk, it was like, uh, are you serious? Like, I’m gonna get a client out of this? Like, what, they’re gonna like, be on the beach and drowning?

I’m gonna rescue them? Like, I don’t understand. How is this gonna work? Am I doing this right? I was just like, you know what? It doesn’t matter. I’m just following the divine guidance. So trust is huge. And it feels like, I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going to happen. But I know that it’s going to be something good.

That’s what it feels like for me when I’m like, Okay, let’s just see what, curiosity. Like, let’s just see where this goes. Right? Like if you’re, when I was like, are you serious? You want me to go on a walk? When I started the walk, I was not in receiving mode. But as I was walking, I mean, I remember smelling, you know, like bacon and smelling like jasmine.

And I, when my senses, when I was out of my head and I was actually in my senses of like smelling and tasting and, you know, like hearing, then I’ll, Oh yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. I’m in receiving mode. Cause I’m Receiving pleasurable things to my senses. So I don’t know if that makes sense, but no it it it totally makes sense I think you you’re touching on a point that really needs to be addressed because I know Myself and I know you have think this way too.

And I know my ladies think this Well, I mean, how can I possibly surrender or let go? I mean, I’ve just spent a hundred grand on fertility treatments. I’m, you know, there’s so much at stake. Like, how do we as women who are goal oriented, clearly set on a goal, like, how do we surrender that? Because it, you and I both know that, that they are not mutually exclusive.

But if you haven’t done this work, if you haven’t started paying attention and looked, looked at the nuances, It may seem like those two things are in opposite, that how do you fixate and be clear about your goal, but also have a soft gaze upon it so that you can be in receiving mode in the process while still doing all the quote unquote things toward it.

So a lot of the things that I try to, um, like for example, What feeling am I really after? So instead of like, I want a baby for that example. Right. I talk about like different things with my clients, like, uh, you know, soulmate or money or whatever business, what’s the feeling that I’m after? And the feeling is.

Let’s say it’s elation, right? You’re gonna feel elation when you have a baby. You’re gonna feel safe. You’re gonna feel accomplished. Whatever that, whatever those adjectives are, I attach to how I want to feel at the end of the day, and I trust that this process is going to get me There that’s the thing the soft gaze is like I know is the trust and the connection and the kind of Obsession is with the feeling at the end of the day.

How do I want to feel maybe you know for some of your ladies? I want to feel like I did everything I possibly could and like that’s fine That’s not attached to a result that we don’t have any control over Like I said attaching to the feelings has really been Extremely helpful for me because there’s a lot of ways that I can feel safe or there’s a lot of ways that I can feel accomplished or there’s a lot of ways that I can feel elated.

And if it’s, you know, it’s, it goes back to the example of the guy in high school that wants the one girl. It’s like, why? Well, maybe he wants to feel popular. Okay. Well, there’s lots of ways that you can feel popular, but if you are looking at this one person or thing to achieve, you know, the emotion or the whatever that you’re trying to go for, you know, a lot of times you’re going to be disappointed.

Now that’s actually one of the kind of realizations that I came to recently for myself is that What’s not meant for you is not meant for you. So you’re always going to be disappointed if you are obsessing about something that’s not meant for you. But if you are just open to whatever the highest and best good is for you and you’re really in that, I’m excited because I know that’s going to make me feel fulfilled or whatever.

And you just keep going with a, you know, adamant that you know that you’re going to get there. Then that’s how you can kind of balance the two energies of like i’m attached to something, but i’m also open Oh, not you not you not this not that not this way. Not that way. It’s just Allows you to keep going, you know, and and be persistent because you know that your good is at the end of this Yeah.

And I think that’s exactly it because when I think back to when we had Asher, when I, when I got pregnant with Asher, like I didn’t have any reason to believe at that point, no reason on paper, like no doctor at the clinic that I was at. Wanted to see my face anymore. I mean, like, they would, I was the person that they kind of, like, looked at sideways or kind of scurried away because they didn’t want to see me again.

Not because they didn’t care, but there’s like, there was nothing more they could do for me. And so, there, there was a process of me having to say, basically, Look, I have to take care of this situation and it’s gonna come from me. There is no external force other than me and my higher power. Cause it was just the two of us at that point.

Well, of course my husband, like me, my husband and my higher power. That was the only way that this was going to happen at this point, because medicine had gone as far as it could go. And, and so, but attaching to that feeling, cause I was like, I knew I was going to be a mom. I knew this boy was coming. I knew, I just didn’t know how.

Right. And so getting comfortable within me. And really learning and it was kind of funny because what you said was, you know, what’s the feeling I wanted to feel? I wanted that maternal aspect of me to be addressed I wanted to to really channel that love in a direction and One of the ways that I did that that was life changing and I’m gonna be curious to see what you think about this But one of the ways that I did that was fucking mothering me Yeah.

And, and taking care of me because you said something way at the very beginning. You were raised by a more masculine, a woman who was more in her masculine. Well, so was I. And I love my mom. She’s great. But there was a part of me that wanted softness. And it was something that I had to learn to give to myself.

And I, you know, I also found that in mentors and all of these people that I, I realized, Oh my gosh, this is something that I can open myself up to. This is something I can receive. Absolutely. And it felt so good and that was, and I really believe that that taking care of me and learning to be in the feminine, learning to mother myself in some ways really opened up.

It was one of the things that I had to shift in order to receive Asher. Absolutely. Absolutely. And when you said kind of like learning it from other people that modeled it was a great way to kind of really like look at how other people do it. Because just like you said, I love my mom. I mean, she’s amazing.

And so was, was her mom, but that’s not what I learned from them. I learned other things from them. And so looking to mentors to kind of show me how to mother myself and that whole like inner child and having the dialogue with yourself. It’s helpful because it prepares you for having the dialogue with your intuition, you know what I mean?

It’s like it’s all related As you kind of go into this place because we’re always talking to ourselves. We always have those voices you have to listen to what they’re saying because most of the time they’re saying like You’re an idiot. You did this wrong or you did that wrong. You know, like nitpicking all that stuff.

So it’s kind of retraining your voice to be that mothering energy. So let’s talk about something that you and I were bantering about before we, we started this recording. Was, I mean, because I think it’s a perfect segue because we’re starting to kind of get into this idea that this journey That my ladies are on right now.

I know that they’re in pain. I know that they’re suffering I know that there is heartbreak, but it is one of the most Amazing times in their lives if they if they allow themselves to see it that way And I remember being on this journey myself, I was in hell. I was in absolute hell. But if I had made that subtle shift that, wait a second, this is, I can actually use this time wisely.

It could have changed everything. Have you seen that in your life? Oh, so many times. I mean, with, with, and it’s not just one season. It happens multiple times. What I was. I’m telling you is that I’m actually in a very feminine season right now. It’s summer and, and actually summer is considered seasonally a feminine season.

Fall, you know, back to school and kind of all that stuff goes into a more masculine season. So I thought, wow, this is perfect timing. I, you know, I’ve moved, I really want to set up my home, my nest in the right way. There’s some other, you know, internal work that I’m looking to do. There’s health and things like, all the self care things are really coming up for me.

And I have things that I’m also trying to achieve, right? Every time we achieve something, we’re achievers, right? Our personality type. So there’s something next on the horizon. So as I look to what’s happening that I want next, that of course I want now, I don’t want to wait. What I realized was, oh, I’m marshaling all my resources right now.

I’m getting everything, my house, my body, my mind, my spirit, I’m getting everything fully prepared for what’s to come in the fall and the winter and that kind of thing, what’s coming next. And so when I think about your ladies, I thank God to really be, I was. Actually turning it from this in impatient place, which, you know, being impatient as the masculine better to this gratitude place where I’m like, wow, God, thank you so much for giving me this season to really prepare myself.

Because. In my opinion, mothering is a very masculine, it’s a, it’s a masculine energy where you’re taking care of someone else, you’re putting all their needs first, you’re giving, right, you’re giving, giving, you’re giving possibly your, your breast milk, you’re giving your time, you’re giving your sleep, you’re giving your energy, you’re giving your love, that’s a masculine place and so right now, if you’re in this process where you’re trying to, to manifest, you’re trying to, to create, you’re trying to make this, Be so grateful for this time to really do everything for yourself to get the, the self love and the self care taken care of to, to get all the sleep, you know, to make sure that you’re really operating with the best health, that your house is how you want it.

Not. Like, I remember being obsessed with the nursery, like, like a crazy person. I had a vision and it was going to look like this and it was super masculine. So I’m not talking about that. I’m just talking about like cleaning out the clutter. You know what I mean? Like getting rid of stuff and really practicing this.

Flip flop between the masculine feminine energy because you are going to need it when your baby comes and so Being grateful being in this preparatory place. Not only do you need it, but that is the energy of receiving that actually Coincidentally is what gets you closer to your goal. So the, the kind of joke or the irony is that once you kind of turn it over and you, and you really get excited about being in this place where you don’t have a baby yet, that’s when your baby’s going to come, right?

Cause you’re just in that feminine receiving mode. Yeah, absolutely. And you know what my ladies hear me screeching at them all the time is this idea that this period of time is Preparation it’s like, you know every single one of and I and I talked about this on an episode Gosh, maybe about a month ago were every single one of the skills that I learned on my journey I used within the first year of Asher’s life Oh yeah.

Like it was calling, these were skills, you know, like patience, you know, the kind of nurturing that you actually have to perform as a mother. It’s not this like shit that you see on TV. Like what is truly nurturing when you’re a mom is this incredible discernment. Like it is the kind of, you know, boundaries.

I consider a really great mothering having great boundaries and. Taking self care, all of these things, these are all components. That if you’re smart, you’re going to learn to cultivate within yourself now because you’re going to need them 10, 000 times more when your baby gets here. I mean, you and I just came back from, uh, a week long vacation and both of us have kids under the age of five.

A lot of women out there who are going to be listening to this would never even consider going on solo vacay with their good, good girlfriends. Leaving their children behind and, you know, like, who the fuck does that? Yeah. And, and you and I talk about, well, who the fuck doesn’t do that, right? Like, and that’s a massive departure from what you and I would have thought 10 years ago.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I am such a better mom. When I have the time to myself, when I come back, I mean, it is so incredibly necessary. And I thought about some people might think, well, I have nine months of pregnancy before I have my baby, but like, not necessarily. I mean, you’re, you’re already in the masculine giving, right?

You’re giving the nutrients you’re giving. You’re, you’re going to feel sick. There’s all those things. So I’m so excited for these women to have this time to really get these skills in place and these patterns and these habits and these belief systems because it is so important. What would you say to somebody who said, well, well, yeah, I mean, you guys are, you know, what you’re, what you guys are saying, it makes sense, but I’ve been on this journey for five years.

What the fuck? Yeah. If someone said it to me like that, I would go, like, it’s not surprising, you know, because I mean, it’s the same thing with, with anything, you know, if you’re trying to call in love, right? If, could you imagine if I was like, what the fuck? I’ve been trying to call in love. Like where is he?

You know, then who wants that? Like who wants that? So it’s kind of like. I understand that it feels like you’ve done everything and you probably have and now it’s time to just take the gift. Thank you. Yeah. And I know it seems simple, but if you look at the exchange of a gift and there’s someone that bought the present, wrapped it, you know, like did all the things and then is holding it out to you, you don’t get it until you take it.

Receive it, you know, have it put in your, in your hands. That’s the piece that’s missing. And again, it sounds so simplistic, but it’s not because it’s pretty hard to switch into receiving mode when you’re a control freak. So I would say if you’ve been working for five years towards this, then you’ve done everything that you need to do, and now you just.

Just flip on the femininity switch and wait to receive the feelings that we talked about, right? Like, I’m not saying magical baby is going to come tomorrow when that happens. I’m saying that if you trust, if you believe, if you are clear on how you want to feel and you switch out of doing, making, thrusting, analyzing, you will receive.

Your higher good. Yeah, and that’s exciting because that’s the thing that’s I think you’re absolutely right. That is that piece It’s like now you get to just lean back and receive you don’t need to be looking at your watch That or you don’t need to be freaking out over the calendar now that doesn’t mean that you don’t continue to put one foot in front of the other and either continue to have sex or You know, move on to the next treatment, but you can take away the Darth Vader grip right on, on what it is that you want and, and just say, Hey, I’m continuing to move forward.

I am in receiving mode. I’m not quite sure exactly how this is going to come for me, but I trust myself. I trust something higher. And I know that this is coming for me now. That’s the piece where. I mean, that’s where most people are going to get stumped, but that’s where having mentorship, having people in your life that are going to help you with that specifically and looking at your specific blocks, that’s where the, that is key because you know, all the things that you and I are talking about, they’re incredibly simple, but it is the actual implementation that is different.

This may not have been modeled. for them. I know it wasn’t modeled for me and you said it wasn’t modeled for you. So that’s where having mentorship really comes into place. And that’s where getting help and having somebody who has done this, who has achieved the success that you want, show you the way. So absolutely.

Thank you so much, Rachel. I really appreciate you, you being on with us today. And thank you. I appreciate it. And I do, I, you know, just on that last point, I want to say one other thing, because I think that this might be helpful, and that is That if you can take the death grip around the result, in this case the baby, out of it, and you put yourself in a place where you just feel good, you feel happy, you feel safe, you feel, whatever, whatever your words are.

It’s not a guarantee that you’re going to get to the death grip goal. It is a guarantee that you’re going to get to a place where you feel how you want to feel. And that’s the part. That it makes whatever you’re obsessing about irrelevant. And the funny part is, you will highly increase your chances of getting what you want.

But for those that don’t still understand the concept, if you understand that being in a place where you just feel how you want to feel, is going to be good for your soul, then you can’t go wrong. And again, that will put you in a place where you’re more likely to have your baby, your goal, whatever it is.

So I am so grateful that you had me on. I love this topic, and I love you, and I love people having babies. It’s like the trifecta. Yeah, and I love you too, and I’m so glad, I mean, we are literally modeling to women right now that you, you can be a mom, you can beat the odds, you can have miracle babies, and you can go on, on vacations with your good friends, and that don’t include your children, and still survive.

And, you know, you can still, you, you can learn how to operate within the masculine and the feminine and, and you don’t have to hold the feeling hostage. So many of my ladies listening to this are going to be like, well, I’ll never be happy till I have my baby. Yeah. And it’s like, no, don’t hold your happiness hostage because the sooner you allow yourself to be happy, the sooner you allow yourself to feel the feelings that you will have when your baby gets here.

Exactly. It’s like the faster they come. Exactly. You feel now how you’re going to feel when you’re, when you find out you’re pregnant, when you feel, you know, when you, when your baby comes, you feel that now you are magnetizing your baby to you. That’s the thing. It’s like feel good regardless and you’re going to get what you want, but you have to be okay with not getting what you want in the process.

But you will get what you want. It’s like this kind of like mindfuck thing, but it’s awesome. No, that’s awesome. Well, thank you so much, Rachel. I bet the ladies are going to love this. So thank you for being with us. Thank you. Well, my loves, I hope that you enjoyed having the chance to eavesdrop on a really cool conversation that I had with my dear friend, Rachel Burch.

And I really encourage you to take some time this week, explore this idea of femininity. Are you trying to have a baby like a man? Are you leveraging this feminine aspect of you that’s gonna serve you so much when you’re going to be a mom, and is literally part of the process of opening yourself up to receive what you desire?

If as you’re listening to this, you’re like, I really need to learn this. I really need to get my mind in order. I need to bring this piece of the puzzle because think about it, my darling. I bet you got the body part nailed. It might be time for you to start looking at the mind piece because the mindset that’s everything baby That is what dictates all of your choices and your choices necessarily impact your results So if you want to cover your bases if you want the confidence that comes from actually knowing You are doing everything you can in the name of having your baby body and mind.

Let’s have a chat enrollment in my fearlessly fertile method program. It’s all new. It’s amazing. It’s some of the best work I’ve ever done. Enrollment is open and we’re doing interviews for the program now. So go to www dot from maybe to baby. com. And request your breakthrough session there with me. This is your opportunity, my loves, to finally put a stake in the ground and say, Hey, I’m covering my bases.

I’ve got this mind and body. And now I know that I don’t have to live or look back on this time in my life with any regret because I am doing it. Go to www.FromMaybeToBaby.com to request your breakthrough session with me right there on the homepage. So thank you for joining me, my loves. I hope this has helped to demystify the subject of femininity on your fertility journey.

And remember that desire in your heart to be a mom, it’s there because it was meant for you. Go live this, baby. Change your mindset. Change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you.

When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.