EP26: Why Fear and Desperation Will Block Your Baby

Fear and desperation doesn’t just make you feel terrible—they can actually form a very real block to what you desire. In this episode, you will learn a 4-word principle, that when fully embraced, can shake you out of fearful desperation on this journey for good.

Hey gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey, just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless, baby. Fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile podcast, episode 26. Why fear and desperation will block your baby. Hey gorgeous one, it is so good to be with you this week. I have an idea that I want to share, which, when it was introduced to me, was revolutionary.

And I’m sure you’ve heard claims like that before, but if you actually play with the idea that I am going to share with you and truly take it to heart, It will be revolutionary. In fact, it might be so revolutionary that your mind is blown for a few minutes. You may even reject it at first, which is fine.

But when you really get this into your bones, it’s freedom, baby. You will also see why it is a much more intelligent and productive approach that will help set you up for success on this journey. It is simply this. The prize never chases. The prize never chases. When one of my mentors said that to me, it rocked my world.

When it comes to this journey, I invite you to consider that you Are the prize. You, my darling, are the prize. You don’t have to chase shit. Most of us get caught up in the notion that our baby is the prize, the goal, the quote unquote thing. When you really break that down, it’s kind of fucked up. It’s making another human being an object, which is gross.

It’s repulsive. Would you ever want someone to think of you as an object? An object that once they have will make all of their problems go away? Yikes! Think back to your dating days. Do you remember having someone chase you with such desperation and fear that you caught yourself saying, EWWWWW? They didn’t come at you as someone who truly had something to offer, someone who could be a real partner to you.

They didn’t come across with confidence and peace. It didn’t matter how nice they were, instinctively you picked up that they were weak and needy and ran in the opposite direction. You might have even pitied them for a minute. But you knew in your soul they were not the one for you. You might have even observed red flags like attempts to make you feel bad or manipulate you.

Any way you size it up, it would have been a mistake. Now, contrast that with someone who is confident, someone who knows they have something to offer. Notice how confident, happy, high vibe people are the most attractive, even if they are not attractive in a classic sense, which in reality is boring nonsense anyway.

But you get what I’m saying. Think about how irresistible people who are confident are. You hear people say, there was just something about them. You’re damn right there is something about them that make you feel safe and welcome. It’s delicious. If you stop and think about the energy you put out when you are chasing, you will see how it projects a sense of, Fix me.

Make this lack and scarcity feeling go away. Make me whole. Make me complete. Yuck. It’s gross. It’s cheap. This applies even in your friendships. I bet you’ve seen that. We all have people that come into our lives that are needy, creepy ones. The ones who try to pressure you into hanging out with them or guilt you into submission.

It’s not a relationship of loving equals. It’s emotional deception and blackmail. From a spiritual and energetic standpoint, Do you really want to come at your baby like that? Do you really want to put that kind of intense, creepy pressure on this precious little soul? Wouldn’t you rather receive your baby from a place of confidence, strength, and wholeness?

Wouldn’t you want that baby to know you could protect and care for them, not crush them under the weight of your pain and desperation? How much more inviting is it to project a loving invitation to your baby like, Hey sweetheart, we just want you to know we are so ready for you. Our home, it’s always open.

We are ready when you are. We are so excited to love you. We are so committed to giving you a great life. We have so much to share. We will go to the ends of the earth for you, and when you are ready, we will be there. In the meantime, we’re just going to get things ready. We can’t wait to meet you. Think about that!

Think about having that kind of conversation. Doesn’t that feel incredibly different? The prize never chases. Now, you might be thinking, fuck you, Roseanne, and all of your woo woo ness, but I want you to see how fear and desperation won’t just block and repel your baby from an energetic standpoint, but it will fuck you up from a logical, linear, and strategic standpoint.

Chasing puts you at risk of being sloppy. Think about the last time you physically chased something. Maybe it’s been a long time, but go with me on this. Think about the last time you physically chased something. You had to narrow your focus on that one thing, foregoing your wider field of vision. When you’re chasing, the primary thought is, what happens if I don’t catch up?

Or get this, it’s desperate and gotta have it. It’s a very different focus than saying, What are all of the ways I could achieve this? Which is a hell of a lot more emotionally mature and strategic. Fear makes you, by its very nature, myopic. If you look closely, you can probably look at the shitty decisions you’ve made in your life and see fear’s fingerprints all over them.

We’ve all done it, right? You’ve been afraid, so you don’t trust your gut. You, out of fear of being the odd woman out, you just go along with the crowd. And maybe you’ve been afraid to invest in yourself, so you end up saying no to things you actually want to say a massive hell yes to. We all do it, and then we all feel gross afterward.

When fear is running the show, you’re also more prone to settle. Instead of keeping your eyes open for the right opportunity, settling sucks, and you’ll do it, you’re more likely to do it when you’re afraid. Okay, so, let me give you an example. And I know this example is going to reveal me to be a complete and utter maniac, but who cares?

It popped into my head, and I’m going with it. Maybe it’s my nostalgia over 80s slasher movies with my best friends, who knows? But, think about Michael Myers from Halloween, or Jason from Friday the 13th. You ever notice how those motherfuckers are never chasing anyone? They walk slow as fuck and always get what they want.

The lovely babysitter who was just making out with her boyfriend on the couch is running through the woods like a fool. She is so afraid and desperate, she always falls down multiple times, can’t find the keys to her car, or drops her keys, giving time for these slashers to catch up and ends up dead.

When there were a thousand other possibilities. She was so focused on just getting out, she never had the presence of mind to think about her best, smartest option. How the fuck can you possibly cover your bases when you are running at full speed? How many opportunities will you miss? By fixating on the notion that there’s only one route, how many easier, more effective, and strategically intelligent options are you missing?

When you are in fear and desperation, you’ll cling to anything. Vision becomes narrow and frantic. You’ll make short sighted decisions that suck. When you are fearful and desperate, you are also more likely to just give up to end the pain rather than digging your heels in, turning around, and kicking Michael Myers’s ass.

Think about it. When you really look at what Michael Myers and Jason represent, They form a killer, I know, lame pun intended, metaphor for our fear on this journey. When you really look at those two schleps, honestly, they are easy to beat if you have your wits about you. They are slow, plodding, and not particularly agile.

And their sight is shit because they’re wearing masks! When you scratch past the surface, they are paper tigers, old and worn out. How old are those mofos anyway after having 13 installments of their movies? What are they, like, 80? The only real advantage they have is they aren’t chasing! They know they will get what they want, and they aren’t in a particular hurry.

Like so many things in life, it is a question of who shows up the most confident. Not cocky, just confident. Who is willing to go the distance? Who is willing to do the work? Who is willing to say, hell yes, when everyone else would have packed up and gone home? Who is willing to be the babysitter character who tufts it out and finds a way to slay Michael Myers?

By not stepping into the ownership of your own awesomeness, worthiness, and resilience, you risk blocking your desires energetically and by short sighted, fear based, desperate choices that suck. This is how fear and desperation will block what you desire. This isn’t theory, my darling. I have seen this play out in so many women’s lives.

When they learned how to quit chasing and learned how to think like a woman who succeeds, the most incredible things happen. The fearful desperation falls away and they suddenly have space in their mind, body, and heart for the babies they desire. Is this starting to make sense? When I had done the work to get out of my own rut of fear and desperation and started thinking of myself as the prize.

I could actually have the kind of conversation I described earlier. I was literally talking to Asher, telling him how I was becoming the woman who would be an incredible mom to him. The more I saw my own value, the more I could see that I was worthy of having him, and I started showing up to my journey in that way.

No more saboteur or self sabotage based choices. No more being chintzy. No more denying myself the things that I desired. No more denying myself a full fucking life. The idea that you are the prize is not conceit or hubris. You being confident in what you have to offer doesn’t take away from other people.

It’s a position of power. It’s your value proposition to this baby. It’s the idea that you aren’t some lovesick puppy pleading for love. You have love and intend to give it. This is a completely different way of looking at yourself and this journey. There’s no revolting, victim y undercurrent. It makes the meeting between you and your baby one that represents a sacred contract, a union between a mother that understands her value and her role, as well as a child that can rest assured That their mother is stepping up to the job as her best self.

It’s not about perfection, but she’s showing up whole. Thinking of yourself, your baby, and this journey in this way is a celebration of the fact that you are made in the image of something bigger than all of us. This is a level of consciousness on this journey that most of us never consider. The prize never chases.

You are the prize. Chew on that, baby. So here’s an exercise to take what I’ve shared to the next level. Quit chasing. Here are two things that I want you to do in furtherance of that. One, practice not chasing. When you feel the frantic urgency of lack and scarcity, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you don’t have to chase shit.

Be confident that you will get there when you get there. To help with that, make a list of what you have to offer this baby. Post it somewhere where you can see it several times a day. Second, take a screenshot of this podcast episode, post it and tag me in it on Instagram. Tell me what makes you the prize.

Be braggy as fuck, I love it. Let’s celebrate what you got, mama! My darling, my ladies don’t chase. I will give you an example. When I think of the amazing group of women that are in my Fearlessly Fertile Method program already, I say to myself, Damn, these women are going to do this. Big hearted, committed, and so ready to break down the barriers that stand between them and their babies.

These women are learning how to move past the stories that keep them stuck. They are learning to think strategically on this journey, which is a 180 from the way most of us are taught to think. The mindset for success on this journey is so different than what most of us have used to get ahead in the workplace.

Different skill set entirely. This is why when most people try to do this DIY, they don’t get results. If you are doing everything you can to get pregnant, and nothing is working, and more importantly, you want to be 100 percent sure you’re covering your bases, you simply can’t ignore the power of your thoughts and beliefs, love.

My ladies are women who leave no stone unturned, and they are unavailable for looking back on this journey with regret. They learn to think, believe, and take action like women who succeed on this journey, and that is why they win. Enrollment in my all new Fearlessly Fertile program is Open. This program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months.

It’s some of the best work I’ve ever done, and I’m extremely excited to be sharing it. To apply for your interview to be part of this revolutionary program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com, and apply for your breakthrough session there. My methodology has helped women around the world make their mom dreams come true in spite of harrowing circumstances.

If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, it could be the missing peace love. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you.

When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.