EP7: The fear mongering fertility culture: Give it the finger!

Are you sick of feeling freaked out and overwhelmed by all of the pressure that seems to come from all directions about age, diet, and what you should or should NOT be doing to get pregnant? Tune in for a frank discussion about the fear mongering fertility culture.


Hey gorgeous. If you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43 despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the. Transcripts provided by Transcription Outsourcing, LLC. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 7. The fear mongering fertility culture?

Give it the finger. Love, I gotta tell you that I was one naive bitch when I first set foot on my fertility journey, what feels like 300 years ago. I started off all bright eyed and bushy tailed, figuring that it would just take a few months of good old fashioned trying that I’d be super cute, pushing a stroller in no time.

Ah, to be her again. What I didn’t know at the time is that when that few months passed with no sign of baby in sight, that blissful naivete would soon be replaced with a torrent of freakout I had never, ever experienced in my life. At the time, nor since. And I had seen some shit. In my work as a prosecutor, I had been phone stalked by a serial arsonist, been followed around the courthouse by the family of a homicidal maniac awaiting extradition, accompanied the service of countless search warrants on major dope operations.

Sat eight feet away from unshackled serial sexual predators and watched some of the most heart wrenching forensic interviews of sexual abuse victims. I have seen some shit. But I digress. The fear mongering on this journey begins as a slow creep. For me, it started real quiet like, with becoming aware of when I ovulated and tracking my cycle.

Seemed simple and harmless enough. Then, when my cycle didn’t look exactly like the charts I found on Google, representing a quote unquote healthy cycle, I went into a state of panic. Shit got even crazier when I started obsessing over my ovulation predictor kits not giving me smiley faces right on day 14, or when my temperatures weren’t exactly as they should have been according to my basal body chart.

Lights and sirens started going off within me, shouting, Oh my god, there’s something desperately wrong with me! If things weren’t exactly perfect. Not once did I ever stop to consider what was normal for me. The fear mongering was like this Foggy, sort of misty wraith that began to take over my life. My own internal turmoil was then gleefully met with an onslaught of what I call the fear mongering fertility culture.

The minute my own freakout started, that culture was all too ready to meet me. It seems like everyone, friends, family, co workers, you name it, comes out of the woodwork with some tale of woe to tell when it comes to fertility. Just think about what comes up when you do an internet search on the subject.

Harrowing statistics, images of solemn women staring out the window reminiscent of a fucking 80s summer’s eve douche commercial. and desperation, desperation, desperation. I have no idea how or when this started, but even without all of that, it seems to be that there’s this notion out there that if you are over 35 when you start a family, you are late to the game, and things will be hard.

Even in 2019, at a time when women have more choices and power than perhaps we’ve ever had, There’s still an element of blame and shame over a woman putting off having her family until she has established herself in her profession or in her partnership. Makes me want to barf. Somewhere, somehow, we get fear mongered into living in abject terror of the arbitrary line of demarcation that lies in our path as we reach 40.

It’s fucking crazy. It’s as if when you turn 40, the factory shuts down, which is complete and utter bullshit. Women all over the world are having babies in their 40s naturally or with the support of fertility treatment as we speak. Seriously, as you are listening to this, on a planet of 7 plus billion people, there are thousands of women giving birth in their 40s.

Yet that is not the lead story. Why? Because fear sells. This insanity that’s just sort of out and about in the world doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what you face once you set foot into a fertility clinic. That’s where shit gets real real. So, you’ve got this fear mongering that goes on within you and now we’re gonna add another layer.

That’s when you walk into a fertility clinic. Seriously, babe. Ask yourself, when was the last time you walked into a joyous fertility clinic? God bless the physicians and their staff out there who greet their patients with the kind of joy and excitement this subject warrants. This is about supporting the miracle of life, isn’t it?

Wouldn’t that be worth cracking a smile and getting excited about? You are about to help a woman make her dreams come true. Seriously, if you know a clinic that is actually like a place that feels happy and excited and people are like just all over the place excited for you, taking a big leap in the name of your dreams, I’d love to hear about it.

But, that’s not typically what we’re met with. Long faces, long weights, long speeches about statistics and tempering our expectations is what we typically get. Barf! I remember wondering to myself if these physicians made furrowed brows, sideways glances, and their ubiquitous, noncommittal, vaguely cautious optimism an Olympic sport.

From a legal standpoint, I get why they do that. But fuuuuuck. How about being cognizant of the fact that there are so many people for whom MD stands for Medical Deity. And remember the impact you’re having on your patients, most of whom did not go to medical school. They are looking to their physicians for some shred of hope.

Give them a fucking smile and your commitment to have their back while you do all you can with them. Just a side note, right? Now add to all of this. The well intentioned diets, supplements, lotions, potions, and other things thrown our way that we get fear mongered into, before we’ve even had a chance to really evaluate if it makes sense for us.

It’s overwhelming, and such a potentially dangerous place to spin. I remember getting fear mongered into drinking some mysterious Mushroom drink with a label I could not read and taking supplements that had an impossible list of ingredients. I didn’t have the time, the strength, or the inclination to do the kind of research I needed to do before I even took that.

I just took it, okay? I even remember being in the mania of believing that if I did not boil the black chicken my acupuncturist told me to, I was single handedly destroying my chances at motherhood. This is how crazy things can get. If we don’t notice and get control of the fear mongering within us,

What I’m going to challenge you to do is give all of that fear mongering bullshit the finger, regardless of where it’s coming from. Take your fertility destiny into your own hands. Go outlaw, rebel, and completely punk rock on your journey. Get the fuck out of the mainstream that is so filled with negativity.

Give your checkered fertility past, history of failures, and dismal statistics the finger. I’m sharing this with you because most of the noise you will hear out there is geared to cajole you into sheep like, lack and scarcity based compliance. Fear mongering is simply a form of trying to get your compliance, baby.

Your power on this journey belongs in your beautiful hands. Instead of just focusing on being compliant with all of the fear mongering out there, focus on getting in alliance with your vision for your journey, not the fear mongering that you would be distracted with. When I look at all of the women I have helped become moms around the world, one of the many characteristics that stands out about them is that they gave fear mongering the finger.

They stopped playing by the rules so they could beat the odds. Okay? Playing by the rules may have gotten you through your professional training and most other aspects of your life, but love, we’re talking about the fucking miracle of life. Rules go completely out the window. So, here’s a challenge to help you give fear mongering fertility culture the finger.

One, take an honest look at how much of a role outside fear mongering is playing on your journey. Are you lurking on negative and weirdly competitive message boards or online groups? Boot the ones that feel like shit and start finding your new tribe. I can tell you that my killer band of high vibe fertility success stories in the making will be gathering at my Fearlessly Fertile Breakthrough Retreat in Boise, May 16th and 17th.

If you want to feel more amazing than you ever have about your prospects on this journey, you’re gonna want to join this group of women. The other thing that I want to encourage you to do is, like, look around. You know, the second step is, are you allowing friends, family, co workers, or anyone else to dump their fertility freakout stories on you?

For example, do you just let people tell their tales of woe without interruption? Or, are you stopping them and letting them know, hey, I’m not available to hear that shit. K? Something to think about. Third, I want you to take a look at your bump squad. Do you have experts on your team that don’t really believe in you?

Are you getting unsolicited lectures from members of your squad who are trying to make you feel bad for not worshiping at their altar of advice? Do you need to have a convo with one of them to let them know that their withering looks and low vibe attitude doesn’t work for you? So take a look at each one of these steps.

This is an important challenge to get you out of this fear mongering fertility culture. Give it the finger, babe. Look, love, giving the fear mongering fertility culture the finger is about getting out of compliance with the bullshit that doesn’t work for you and getting into alliance with you. Powerful shit.

That’s what I have for you today, my darling. To learn more about me, my coaching practice, my amazing client success stories, my online courses that are changing the way women live their fertility journey, And the Fearlessly Fertile Breakthrough Retreat, which will give you the chance to learn the mindset technology I teach and get live intensive coaching with me, check me out on Instagram.

My handle is at RoseanneAustinFertility. Till next time, my darling, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying, hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.