How many times in the past week have you beat yourself up with:
“Why can’t I just be like everyone else??”
It’s a pointless, underhanded question, laden with the worst kind of judgment.
At the heart of a question like that, lies a presupposition that we are fucked up, because we are on this journey and therefore, “different.”
As ridiculous and irrational as that may sound, struggling with fertility has an uncanny way of ripping open old wounds, causing us to wonder if our deepest, darkest insecurities have merit.
If you have felt that way, you aren’t alone.
There were times on my own journey when I felt like a 6 year old girl again.
As a little girl, I didn’t realize I was different, until one day at school another kid asked me where I was from–when I responded, “Guam,” another kid shouted in an accusatory tone, “WHAT IS GUAM?”
(Clearly California schools in the 1970s needed to include basic geography in their curriculum. Guam is an island, not a fucking planet.)
I remember being panicked, thinking, “Is Guam a weird place? Am I weird???”
I immediately looked down at my lunch and saw the coconut pudding, wrapped in a banana leaf, my Mom had lovingly packed in my lunch.
In a sea of ham sandwiches on white bread and Twinkies, I prayed no one noticed.
Thus began decades of making myself wrong for being different in ways I couldn’t change.
Why can’t I just look like everyone else?
Why am I such a goofy nerd?
Why can’t I just be a quiet girl with no opinions? (Hee-hee)
As an adult, I thought I had gotten over that nonsense, until my struggle with fertility unearthed my long buried insecurities with cruel, archeological precision.
In Theory suits and Manolo Blahniks, I felt like a 6 year old all over again.
In retrospect, I can see that making myself wrong for the state of my fertility, would be no different than making myself wrong for being a girl from Guam.
Being on this journey is an indelible part of who we are.
Quit making yourself wrong or inferior because of it.
Put your arms around the part of you that feels like a freak, outsider, or pariah, and say, “GORGEOUS, I’ve got you! You are safe with me. Let’s go get our baby!”
The torturous legacy of making yourself wrong for being you ENDS TODAY.
Celebrating and finding strength in what makes you different, means you can teach your baby to do the same.
You will be one badass Mama because of it.
My ladies rock “different.”
They know their path to motherhood may not look exactly like everyone else’s, but when they hold their babies, they see it was absolute perfection.
Decide you will be one of them.
Change your mindset, change your results.
Intrigued? Here’s an exercise to take this to the next level…
Embrace the “freak” in you.
When in your life have you felt “wrong” for being different? What would you say to that version of yourself today, as a grown up, smart, powerful woman?
How might “different” be awesome AF? Bust out your journal and write out your thoughts on these questions. You will discover some powerful shit.
When you become the master of your mindset, you become the ultimate arbiter of what things mean in your life. Make “different” mean awesome. Make “different” mean you will beat the odds! I did it, so can YOU.
**Want more inspiration from me? FOLLOW ME ON INSTA @rosanneaustinfertility